THE BASTARD: I never thought you’d say those words to me.
ME: Well, it’s too quiet, and there’s a severe lack of funky socks in my laundry.
THE BASTARD: Ah, so it’s the potential blackmail material you miss.
ME: I was trying not to say it, but…
THE BASTARD: Life with you is a series of heartbreaks, Chlo.
What?
He was so dramatic.
THE BASTARD: What time is the party today?
ME: Starts at seven, but I think I might go to Aunt Fizz and Uncle Jay’s house before lunch. My place is too quiet.
THE BASTARD: You should adopt a cat when we’re done up here.
ME: I’ve never considered it. You’ve always kept me too busy for a pet.
THE BASTARD: Well, you’ll have all the time in the world since you’re abandoning me.
ME: I see you have a flair for the dramatic this morning.
THE BASTARD: The thought of you leaving me makes me act this way.
ME: Are you trying to be pitiful enough to make me change my mind?
THE BASTARD: Between that and seducing you, I was hoping I had a shot at it.
Ha.
ME: I see you’ve pulled the stick out of your arse.
THE BASTARD: What can I say? Waking up to you not being here was more shocking than I thought.
ME: You’re being very needy again.
THE BASTARD: Only because it’s you.
ME: You know, if you keep saying things like that, I might start getting the wrong idea.
THE BASTARD: That depends on what you think the wrong idea is.
ME: That you can’t live without me.
THE BASTARD: You already know that much is true.
ME: I don’t mean professionally.
THE BASTARD: Who said that’s what I meant?
I bit my lower lip, dragging my teeth across it and snagging a dry bit of skin. I picked at it as I stared at his words, and I winced as I plucked the tiny bit away.
Ouch.
That stung.