Page 62 of Moving Forward

I haven’t thought about what Grams said to me. I refuse to. She may think Max and I are right for each other, and it very well might be true. But what I do know for sure is that she’s better off without me.

She still has it in her to heal, whereas half the time I’m five hours south of healing. I’m stuck. Every time I think I’m taking three steps forward, I’m really taking fifteen back. As long as I’m in Max’s life, she’ll be doing the same.

I chuck my paintbrush into the water bucket and pick up a new one. So much for giving my mind some rest. In the past twenty minutes, I’ve managed to nearly screw up all the progress I’ve made in painting the exterior of my boat. I know painting is supposed to be a stress reliever and blah, blah, blah, but that’s a lie. If anything, I’m more frustrated.

I lean down to open a can of white paint so I can just paint over everything. I was trying to retrace the previous paint job, but I’ve screwed up too many times for that to work. I’m going to have to start over from scratch. Oh well, it’ll give me something to fill my time with.

I lather the roller in paint and start painting over the whole damn thing. I can’t even seem to keep from destroying a paint job.

“Cain?”

I jump back, dropping my roller. “Shit!” And now the dock’s ruined too. Great.

I turn to glare at the owner of the voice, a woman who has quickly become my mortal enemy: Ellie. She flashes me an apologetic smile and gingerly makes her way down the dock. “Sorry.”

The only response I give her is a grunt. I pick up my roller and throw it onto the paint tray.

“Let me help you clean that up,” she offers, coming toward me slowly, like I’m a vicious caged animal she should be afraid of.

I hold up my hand and pin her with a cold stare. Even if she is Max’s friend, she needs to stay the fuck away from me. She’s one of the reasons I’m here painting instead of visiting Max. Ellie gave me a reality check and it ruined any hope I had for a future with Max.

“Sorry,” she repeats again, shaking her head.

Ellie has always been too loud and energetic for my taste. She’s the type who's always the first and the last to speak and can’t handle being ignored. That’s why I rarely ever went over to Erin’s when we were dating. The times I did, we’d be watching a movie or something, and poof, there’s a little annoying ball of energy sitting between us with a popcorn bowl.

Today she doesn’t even resemble that girl. Her eyes are flooded with tears and her face is blotchy. She’s wearing a pair of pajama pants, which have what looks like chocolate stains on them, and her hair is a mess.

My insides twist. A girl like Ellie doesn’t look this way without a reason. “Is Max okay?” I ask desperately.

She nods. My shoulders fall with relief.

“I came to apologize.”

I cock an eyebrow. Apologize?

“What I did was wrong and I’m a stupid, terrible person. I have been since you came into her life and I’ve been too stupid and terrible to notice it.” She steps forward—barefoot, I might add—to sit in one of the fold-up chairs. “Haven’t I?”

Yes.

She doesn’t give me time to answer, “And now Max is refusing to talk to me. If it wasn’t for Danny, I don’t think she’d even come to the wedding.”

Now that’s just being melodramatic. For some reason, Max loves this girl, and nothing will keep her away from that wedding, including me.

“She told her parents she doesn’t want to see me. I haven’t talked to her since she found out what I said to you.”

I give her a pointed stare. Her eyes are lips are pursed, the bottom one quivering uncontrollably. I don’t feel bad for her. She’s been able to see that Max is okay. I haven’t. She made sure of that when she played off my fear of not deserving Max. The last image I have of Max is her bleeding and unconscious. Broken on my watch.

“Right, sorry.” She tucks her hands in between her knees. “I’m scared she isn’t going to forgive me.”

I sigh. “I’m sure she will.”

“I don’t know. I really screwed up this time.” Her eyes meet mine and flicker away just as quickly. “I think she might love you.”

Those words—the idea that Max could love me back—send my heart into overdrive. I don’t want her to love me and I don’t want to love her back, but the problem is I already do. But what I want doesn’t matter.

“I kept telling myself I should try to like you because she cares about you, but I guess I just wasn’t putting enough effort into it. I thought she’d see something wrong in you and move on—like you’re a stepping stone or something. Yesterday I realized you’re not. I should have tried harder.” She tucks her hair behind her ears, gulping. “I’ve been setting her up with guys and I never stopped to think about what would happen if she ever found one she likes. Even now, I can’t picture her being with anyone other than my brother. When she’s with you, I don’t even recognize her. I can’t make sense of it. It’s like part of her is missing to me; she just doesn’t seem whole without him.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. Is Ellie just here to hurt me? More so than she already has?

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