Page 56 of Moving Forward

“. . . feel tired,” she whispers.

“No, stay awake. Stay awake until we get to a hospital.” She shakes her head the slightest bit beneath me, and I get desperate. “Please, Max. Please stay awake. For me.”

“. . . hurts.”

“I know, I know,” I say, glancing over my shoulder as I hear splashing and giggling. Ellie and Danny are coming back. I have time.

“Max hit her head! We have to get to shore!” I yell at them. They start swimming frantically, yelling something back, but I don’t know what. All my mind can process is that Max’s eyes are closed, and her words are broken and inaudible.

“Keep those beautiful eyes open for me, okay? Keep ‘em open.” I press my palm more firmly against her head. Losing all this blood can’t be good. “You aren’t allowed to leave me.”

She doesn’t answer me this time.

“You can’t leave me, Max. You can’t. I’m already in love with you.” I swallow the lump in my throat. I pull her up into my arms and cradle her, willing her to make it through this. She can’t fade out on me, not when I’ve just found her. “I love you, I love you, I love,” I chant, sobbing now. “Stay with me . . . please.”

She draws in a shaky breath, those eyes fluttering open once again. “. . . too.”

###

I’m pacing in the ER waiting area like a madman. The hospital staff wouldn’t let me go back with her. So far, I’ve gotten to watch everyone else visit—Debbie, Tom, Ellie, Danny—and I’ve had to stay behind. They didn’t even try to play the family-only card. No, they were completely honest, saying that the reason I don’t get to see her is because no one trusts me. One of the two jackass police officers who showed up had the fucking audacity to ask if I hurt her on purpose. Even on my worst day, I’d never lay a hand on her. I’d send myself straight to hell if I did.

I just need to see her, touch her, know she’s alright. She was unconscious during the ambulance ride, but the paramedics told me she would be okay. They kept trying to calm me down by reassuring me that head wounds bleed profusely. I don’t think they understood there was nothing that they could say that would erase any of this from my memory.

I still, cocking my head as I stare at the emergency room doors. You have to get permission to go inside. If only I had a fucking axe. I clench my fists at my sides.

“Cain?”

I spin. Erin is standing behind me with her hand on her belly. Conner is close behind her looking both shocked and territorial. I could fucking care less about anything other than Max right now. I start pacing again, setting a mental fire to that goddamn door.

“Cain, I think you need to calm down. They’re going to kick you out if you don’t,” Erin says calmly. She’s using the same voice I’ve heard her use at least a thousand times before. It’s the voice she thought would get me to stop rampaging and fucking other girls and shutting everyone out. It never worked before so I don’t know what would possess her to think it would now.

Conner, who was once my best friend, steps around her and blocks my path. “Stop. If you don’t, you won’t get to see her. They won’t let you.”

I suck in a shuddering breath and let it out through my nose. The fuck they won’t. The muscle in my jaw ticks.

Conner’s nose flares. Now he works as a lawyer, but back in high school, he was a state champion wrestler. He’s the type of guy you’d be an idiot to get into it with. Too bad I don’t give a shit. My mood will destroy him faster than a meat grinder.

“Doing this for your own good. You’re out of control man,” he tells me gruffly.

Before I can process that, he hauls off and punches me. My hand goes up to my nose in shock. What the hell? Warm blood trickles down my lips and chin. I dully wonder if it’ll mask the fact I’m still covered in Max’s blood. Hers is all over my clothes, my arms, even in my hair. So much blood. God, I’d rather it be mine.

“Conner!” Erin gasps.

I reel back, ready to retaliate, when I hear the entrance doors open and my name being called. Grams walks in and her familiar, comforting presence is like a sedative.

I turn my attention toward her. “Max . . .” I choke out.

“I know,” she says as she comes toward me with open arms. For the first time in years, I let her hold me. She rubs her hand up and down my back as I break down. She doesn’t bother to tell me everything will be alright. We’ve both been through enough to know you can’t promise that unless you’re willing to lie.

“Do you know how she is?” Grams asks Erin and Conner.

“No ma’am. We just got here, and he was . . .” Erin trails off. “Her parents. Did anyone call her parents?”

“I did,” I answer numbly. “They’re on their way.” I’d spoken to her grandfather. He was very tactical, asking me what I knew and proceeding from there. He told me the time they’d be here in military hours before hanging up. The entire time I could hear Ophelia crying in the background and Andrew demanding answers, but Jack remained detached.

Erin releases her breath. “Thank God. I can’t imagine if no one did. What exactly happened, Cain?”

I pull away from Grams, somewhat calmed, but stone-still. Coping mechanism. “We were having fun. Being normal. She jumped off the boat and . . . hit her head.” My voice is slow and hoarse. The scene keeps replaying in my mind, and each time I find something I should’ve done differently. I shouldn’t have gone into the lake at all. I should have told her not to jump. I shouldn’t have wasted time. I should’ve stayed home.

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