Page 4 of Moving Forward

“Dang it,” she says. “I seriously didn’t realize. Oh well, I’m sure we’ll find you someone in Orchard Valley. Matt King was always a good guy, and he’s one of Danny’s groomsmen. Maybe he’ll do.”

I groan. I love Ellie like a sister, but I’m getting tired of her acting like my own personal dating site. I know she just wants to see me happy, but I will never be that happy again—it just doesn’t feel possible, like my heart wouldn’t be able to handle it. I guess part of that is my fault. I spend a lot of time pretending I’m okay when really I’m always hurting. I pretend I’m okay to move on and okay to be left alone and okay to go to Orchard Valley. It’s all a lie. I’m not okay with any of it.

I follow her into the apartment and close the door behind us. We completely gutted our apartment last weekend. Danny and Tom, Ellie’s dad, drove up with a couple trucks. All my things were hauled to a storage facility, while all of Ellie’s went back to Orchard Valley. The only things we’d left were the necessities: some clothes, toiletries, sleeping bags.

Her music—some Top Forty hit—is playing, our sleeping bags set up next to each other with a pizza box and a tub of ice cream sitting in the small space between them.

“I just ate,” I remind her, placing my purse on the floor beside the door.

She shakes her head. “I don’t care. I’m getting married in a month, and this is probably like my last unhealthy meal until then. Tonight, I’m going to eat all the calories, and so are you. We’ll worry about fitting into our dresses later.” She slaps my butt and gives me a small shove. “Now go put on some pajamas so we can talk.”

“Okay, okay,” I laugh, and make my way to our only bathroom. As soon as I’ve locked the door behind me, I slouch against the sink. The girl eyeing me tiredly in the mirror is unrecognizable, shadows framing her features. I don’t want to be this person around Ellie. She should be exuberant right now. She’s getting married. That’s a huge, exciting new path in her life. Or I guess it would be if she didn’t have me to worry about. And if her twin was still alive.

I try to erase the sadness from my face. I can do this. Just one more month. One more month of pretending that my memories aren’t devouring me whole. One more month and I can create a new life that isn’t a constant reminder of what I lost.

I haven’t told her I plan to move back in with my parents. When Ethan was alive, we always talked about buying neighboring houses in Orchard Valley. “Our kids can be best friends too,” she would say. After he passed, she never let that dream go. She talks like I’ll rent a place there until we find our dream houses.

I shouldn’t be so excited to escape my best friend, but I just can’t stop the wave of relief that washes over me whenever I think about getting away. I can’t wait to feel free again—to start fresh and try being whole, something I can’t do when she reminds me so much of Ethan.

“What’s taking you so long?” Ellie calls through the door.

My smile slips and I ache because I will miss her so much, even if she is annoyingly happy sometimes. I wish I could bring myself to tell her what I want, but I can’t—not when she’s so excited. After everything that has happened, I won’t be the one to spoil everyone else’s bliss. They don’t deserve that.

No one deserves any of this.

CHAPTER TWO

CAIN

“It’s peach day!”

I snarl and flop over, pulling a pillow over my head. Peach day my ass.

“Cain Hazelton, you had better be awake!” Grams yells from outside my boat. I can hear her shoes clattering on the deck as she looks for a window to peer through. Thank God I remembered to lock the doors and close the blinds; it’s the same routine every year and this year I finally got smart.

“Give me a second, Grams,” I call in a throaty grumble.

---