Page 24 of Moving Forward

I don’t like that look. Makes me want to wrap my arms around her and make her talk to me about it. Not that I know the first thing about comforting someone. Conversation has never been my strong suit, and since I never went to college, I can’t say that I’d even know where to begin. Besides, we’ve already trudged through enough of the depressing stuff for one day. I don’t want tonight to go any further down the rabbit hole of sadness—not when there’s always the chance some other skeleton of mine will tear us apart again.

There’s also the chance that whatever trance she has me under will evaporate, and I’ll realize she shouldn’t be around me. Although I can’t say that that’s very likely. I’m already addicted.

Our alternate route has led us back to the main road. We cross the road so we’re walking along the sidewalk next to the lake. She glances at it. A small smile plays on her lips, but it’s her eyes that catch my attention as they twinkle in the glow of the streetlights.

“This town is so gorgeous.”

No, you are. “Where are you from?”

“About three hours south of here, in Collette.”

“That’s a nice place too. I’ve been there once or twice.” I leave out the part where they sent me to the hospital nearby, after shit went down with Ethan, because it had a great program for grief and anger management counseling. Didn’t help.

“It is. I really like Orchard Valley, but I guess nothing will ever beat Collette in my heart. It’s home, you know? I do like that both towns are small, though.”

“Same here. Small towns are quiet. Well, minus the gossip.” I don’t know why, but I wink at her. Seriously fucking wink at her. Why the hell did I go and do that?

She blushes, but the twinkle in her eyes tells me it didn’t come off as creepy as it felt.

“If you liked Collette so much, why’d you leave? Isn’t there a college close to there?”

I step closer to her on the narrow sidewalk to avoid a bench and my hand brushes against hers. I would be lying if I said it’s the first time I’ve done it. It’s more like the tenth. I just like how she reacts every time—biting her lip and closing the space between us by a hair each time.

I don’t think we can ever have anything more than friendship. Not after finding out she was, and probably still is, in love with Ethan. What I did to him prevents me from taking things further with her, not that I’d expect her to even want that. Still, I can’t help wishing for more. Some strange middle school version of myself wants to close the space and interlock our hands. Just imagining it has my damn hand sweaty and numb.

She glances down at our hands so close together, chewing on the inside of her cheek. I can see a decision flicker across her face. With a shaking hand, she links her pinky with mine.

Something so small should not make my knees—let alone my entire body—threaten to give out. Something so innocent should definitely not make my dick harden, either.

She swallows shakily. “My grandpa wanted me to go away for college. He said it would be good for me to get out of my comfort zone. I was painfully shy in high school. Like sit-in-the-corner-and-read-alone shy.”

“Are you close with your grandpa?”

“Very. He’s been my mom’s stepdad since she was two, so he’s pretty much her real father. He lives with Mom and Dad. My parents are . . . well they’re extremely smart people, but they’re not athletic or outdoorsy. Like, at all. The only class Dad didn’t get an A in was gym. They’re very logic-oriented, good with computers. It drives my grandpa nuts.”

“He’s the opposite?”

“Way opposite. He was a Marine.”

So that’s a bit intense. Note to self, do not fuck with Max unless I want the wrath of her grandfather. That’ll help me keep my hands off her. Well, after tonight’s hand-holding session. Shit, I don’t know actually. I’m already too sunk to care. That is not good. Not for her or me. My chest feels like it’s been filled with lead.

“Guess he knows his way around a gun then, huh?” I mutter, clenching my other hand.

“More than you’d like to hear.” She laughs. “He also only has one leg.”

I do a double take. “One leg?”

She nods enthusiastically. Somehow, I can picture a kindergarten version of Max telling her class about her grandpa’s one and only leg. Other kids probably brought bunnies and toys to show and tell, and she brought a Purple Heart. “He lost it when my mom was a kid. It’s what got him out of the military. I think it must’ve been a lot harder on him back then, but now that he’s older he’s kind of proud of it. He likes to joke about it and freak people out.”

“How exactly does he do that?”

“He pretends to stab his leg, like on Halloween and stuff. One time he even used a chainsaw.”

“Christ, was he trying to send people into shock?”

I can see the lights of the Millers’ giant white house just beyond the line. We’re almost there, which means our night together is ending. The way things went the last time, I’m afraid we’re going to reach another impasse. All I want is for our walk to last forever.

“I’d like to say no, but probably. He’s a great guy, but he doesn’t come around to people very easily.”

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