Page 56 of Paging Doctor Grump

As I catch up to him where the path narrows, I take a shuddering breath. The air is cold even through the layer over my mouth. It’s only going to get colder as night approaches.

I’m going to have a hard conversation with my dad if me and Jessie work out what’s going on between us. Although, I should have a hard conversation with him either way.

I can’t keep letting my dad have a hold over my life. I need him to wake up and see me for the person I am instead of the person he wants me to be. After this many years, it should be clear to him that I’m never going to be the person he wants.

But there’s still a chance that I’m going to fail.

I duck beneath a branch and weave my way through a set of trees, glancing over the edge of a cliff. There’s nothing down there, and no tracks or signs that the hikers ever came this way.

“We should head this way.” I point to a smaller trail to the right. There are a few broken branches on the ground that are quickly becoming covered with snow.

“Good eye.” Patrick takes the lead, dragging the sled behind him as he walks. He pulls a map out of his pocket and locates the trail, nodding before stuffing the map away again. “This leads to the top too.”

As I follow him, the wind keeps howling. Visibility is getting worse, but I can still see Patrick several feet in front of me. I hang back, needing some time to work through everything going around in my head.

Even though I know I need to be focused, that focus keeps slipping.

I’m not good enough for Jessie, and I’m not good enough for my dad.

Except, I know that Jessie likes me for who I am. At least, I think she does. We’ve spent hours together talking about anything and everything under the sun. I told her things that I’ve never told anyone else that night in the hotel room, and she still didn’t run.

She’s my other half. We’re going to find a way to fix this, and that’s the only thing that matters.

Even if I fail my father, I’m not going to fail her. I can’t fail her. She’s the most important person in my life, and everything is going to work out between us. We’re going to come out of this weird phase on the other side.

Life is only going to get better once we figure our shit out.

“Watch your step.” Patrick stops and faces me, pointing to a patch of ice just barely concealed by the falling snow. “It’s icy here. There’s a spring that runs off over that ledge when it’s warmer.”

I nod and shuffle my feet, careful not to move too fast as I slide across the ice patch.

“Alright,” Patrick says as we continue along the trail. “What are you going to do to figure this out with Jessie?”

“I thought you said I should focus on the search?”

Patrick shrugs before adjusting the harness again. “If we don’t talk about something, our minds are going to start to wander to the worst-case scenario. I don’t know about you, but thinking about dead hikers while trying to find them doesn’t help me much.”

My chest constricts just thinking about everything I need to talk to Jessie about. “I was a jackass to her a long time ago. A massive jackass, and I’m not close to proud of the man I was back then.”

“We all make mistakes.” Patrick crouches to get a better look at some tracks. He nods to himself as he stands and dusts the snow from his knees.

“Yeah, and I made a colossal one. I knew back then that she was too good for me, so I left. I thought it would be easier on both of us and I would forget her eventually, but I never did. She’s the kind of woman that’s impossible to forget, no matter how hard you try.”

Patrick laughs as we walk a little faster, following the tracks that are quickly getting covered by the falling snow. “I’ve known a few people like that.”

“I was shocked to start working with her. I never thought I would see her again and I’d made my peace with that. I thought that everything was going to be fine, and we wouldn’t have to deal with each other.”

“And now here you are.”

I stuff my hands deeper in my pockets and scan the surrounding area for any sign of life. “And now here we are.”

“So, what’s the plan to fix things?”

It’s a good question and one that I’m not sure how to answer. “I don’t have a clue where to start. I’ve done everything I can to show her that I’m not going anywhere, but at times it feels like she doesn’t believe me.”

Patrick pulls out the map and a compass again, checking our location. “She sounds like she’s probably been let down by some pretty important people in her life. You included.”

His words are more of a reminder of what I did to Jessie. I still hate myself for sneaking out on her, but I’ve done all that I can to apologize for that.

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