Page 8 of Summer Nights

“I guess we are just really desperate for a tour guide and the crazy lady that takes midnight drips in the ocean seemed like the best option.”

I groan and slap my hand to my face. I’m an idiot.

“God, I’m never going to live that down. In my defence though, I was just about to pop up for air.”

“I think Pike is going to have nightmares for weeks.”

“At least you guys have a really good story to tell everyone back home about your first encounter with a local.” I say making Nicky laugh again. “I guess it's better meeting the crazy beach lady over the drop bears.”

That makes Nicky pause. “Wait, what’d you say?” He asks. I hear a hint of unease in his voice.

“Oh, the drop bears? Yeah, crazy little cunts they are. You’ve really gotta watch out when you are in the bush. One minute you will be minding your own business, the next you have a drop bear launching itself onto your head. They have the highest death toll in the country.”

There’s a pregnant pause. I think I’ve really got him with this one and I’m going to play on it as long as possible.

“You aren’t serious.” Nicky states.

“Deadly serious. I knew a guy that got attacked by one. He was just lucky he was able to escape.”

There is another pause.

“Guys, can someone please look up drop bears?” Nicky yells out. I slap my hand over my mouth, stopping the laugh before it can escape.

“What the fuck? Why?” I hear a voice yell in reply, realising it's Dacre.

“Scarlett has just informed me these fucking things jump out of tree’s and kill people!” He shouts.

There is silence for a minute. All of a sudden I hear Dacre yell, “What the fuck!”

“What? What does it say?!” Nicky’s voice has slowly started to become laced with more panic. Poor thing.

“Look at these fucking things! They look possessed!” I hear the mortification in Dacre’s voice through the phone.

“Nope. Nope. Fuck that. I’m packing my bags and going home. Not a chance. Spawn of fucking Satan.” Nicky’s voice turns thick with panic as I hear rustling from his end.

I can't help it then, I burst out laughing uncontrollably. I really don’t help my case. Not only do I have a raging hangover, but my stomach now also hurts from laughing so much.

“Scarlett?” Nicky asks after I begin to calm down.

“I’m so sorry Nicky.”

“You sorry? Baby, I should be the one saying sorry. You are living here with these fucking creatures. You can pack your bags too.”

Laughter returns to me so hard I have to try not to pee myself.

“What’s so funny? This isn’t a laughing matter! You could be mauled to death by a fucking demonic teddy bear!”

“Nicky, sweetheart,” I say in between giggles, “they aren’t real.”

He pauses and stays silent for a while. Slowly he replies, “What do you mean?”

“Drop bears are made up. It's something us Aussies like to tell tourists to scare them.”

More silence. Eventually I hear rustling and a “Give me that.”, then what sounds like tapping on a phone. “What the fuck, Scarlett!”

It’s common knowledge amongst Australians that whenever we meet a tourist, it is the perfect chance too fuck with them. Some of the stories I’ve heard from the poor unsuspecting travellers are wild. Stories about the drop bears are some of our favourites. Having five men at my whim to prank? I will be using every opportunity too fuck with them.

“You're cruel, baby girl.”

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