Page 96 of One Billion Reasons

Still avoiding Miles?

Lane

You know I am.

He sends me an eye roll emoji.

Liam

Classic you

Lane

Like you’re not the same

Liam

Dad would tell you to leap before you look

My heart feels like a lump in my chest.

Lane

Not fair

Liam knows bringing up our parents is the best way to get me to cave. He’s more open about their deaths than I am. Even though sometimes I think it hit him harder.

Shit. He’s calling me.

I answer. “Are you calling to badger me?”

“No, I’m calling to tell you to take Miles back if he apologizes. To leap before you look, Laney.” The nickname rolls off his tongue, but I hear it in my father’s voice.

“Why?” I choke out.

“Because Mom and Dad would have wanted this for you.”

“I don’t know if they would have wanted this. This is insane. Mom and Dad had something so much more peaceful.” A quiet, stable relationship. Steadfast love. Not obsession, madness. I feel unhinged around Miles. Like a rollercoaster I can’t get off of.

Liam is quiet for a moment, and then he sighs. “I know you think what they had was perfect, but I don’t remember it like that.”

I feel a little sick. “What do you mean? We were the same age. It’s not like you have a better memory.”

“You never realized how forgetful they were. I grew up convinced they were going to forget to feed us, Lane.” He blows out a heavy breath. “Yes, Mom and Dad were loving and wonderful, but they were distracted. And their relationship wasn’t perfect. The quiet love you pine for? It masked a lot of bad qualities. Like how they would get high and play guitar in the backyard together and dance instead of helping you with your homework.”

I struggled in school, while Liam was a straight-A student. He’d always helped with my math homework.

“I don’t remember that,” I said quietly.

“I know, Laney. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to ruin their memory, but I want you to understand that they weren’t perfect. And they leaped before they looked a hell of a lot more than any adult should, but right now, it’s good advice. I saw the way you looked at him for years. Maybe obsession isn’t such a bad thing. If you’re lucky enough to find someone, you should run with it.” Liam sounds so lonely, and regret is a stone in my stomach.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m fine.”

“Thank you,” I whisper. “It wasn’t easy to hear. But thank you for everything you’ve done over the years.”

“Yeah, well, I always was better than you at math.” He laughs, and we say our I love yous and promise to see each other soon.

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