Page 95 of One Billion Reasons

Her mouth twists. “I don’t want you to chase me because I’m someone you used to want. I’m sorry.” She blinks quickly and looks away. “I rejected you so many times. And I keep thinking that if maybe I’d been able to see how you felt, maybe we could have been together.” Her voice is shaky but she draws herself up.

“Lane, I –-”

“I think we need some ground rules for the apartment. I’m going to move out as soon as I can, but in the meantime, I don’t think you should come to my apartment when you’re drunk.”

“I couldn’t help it. I wanted to see you.”

“Stop. Please stop.” Her face crumples, and she hugs her arms to stomach. “Go away, Miles. I’m trying to get over you.”

“Is it working?” My voice is thick. With self-loathing. Longing. Too much whiskey.

She searches my face. Her eyes are sad, and she looks so tired and small. “No,” she whispers. “It’s not.”

And then she shuts the door in my face.

41

Lane

I shut the door and sink to the floor. Mallory is watching me with sad eyes.

“You heard all of that, didn’t you?”

She nods. “Enough.”

I press my head into the cool metal behind me. “Why is he doing this?”

“I don’t know.” Her mouth twists. “I still think he’s in love with you.”

“I just want to get over him.”

She squeezes my shoulder and pours herself another glass of very expensive wine. “I know. I’ll only say one thing. If he’s not willing to give you what you need, then yes, get over him. Stay strong.” She gives me a knowing look. “But if you’ve been pining for him for a whole decade, then maybe you should give him another chance. When he’s sober.”

With that, she heads into her room, and I’m left in the kitchen, heart pounding, feeling a little sick.

* * *

I can’t sleep that night. I should be able to, with the way my body feels heavy and the way my brain is fuzzy. Instead, I’m wide awake at 1 a.m.

I pull out my phone, and it shows me a photo album at the top. I need to turn that feature off. Instead of swiping it away, I click into the album. Mistake. Photos of Miles stare back at me. Miles surfing, a huge smile on his face. Miles and I next to the gazebo. We’re both smiling, real, genuine smiles. I flick to the next one. It’s almost the same as the first. My finger must have pressed twice and taken two shots, just a second apart. But in this one, Miles is looking at me instead of the camera. His eyes are soft, longing. His mouth is curved just slightly up. He’s looking at me like I’m the only thing in his universe.

My heart thumps. I love you. I squeeze my eyes shut. How long have I wanted to hear those words from him? Longer than I may care to admit. Ten years long. His anguished expression from tonight plays behind my lids. In it, I see the shadow of every glance he gave me over the years. What if he really has been in love with me for a decade? Just like you’ve been with him. In the dark, after a few glasses of wine, I’m brave enough to admit that I have been. Shit. What if I messed it all up? What if tonight is the only chance I’ll get with him? My breath seizes, and I swipe to the next photo. It’s me and Liam, on his porch, the morning before I left. Buster is on our laps, even though he’s way too big.

I smile and send it to my twin.

Lane

Thanks for the wise words, you knucklehead.

He responds immediately.

Liam

Takes one to know one.

We’re so similar, Liam and I. It’s like he knew I would text him. We’re not identical, but we still have that twin thing going.

Liam

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