Page 85 of One Billion Reasons

“Why do you say that?” I don’t want to share right now, but I do want to know what insights Liam has, particularly about Miles.

“I’m not sure I should tell you this,” he says carefully. He slants his gaze toward me. “Please don’t tell Miles, okay? Bro code dictates I’m not supposed to talk to you about his feelings, but you’re my sister.”

I nod, heart pounding in my throat.

“I’m fairly certain he’s always been in love with you.”

“No. He’s not. He hasn’t.” The words come out choked.

“Yes. He is. Do you want to hear what I have to say or not?”

“You’re wrong. But tell me anyway.” I’m embarrassingly desperate for any news of Miles. Anything to prove me wrong.

Liam sips his beer thoughtfully. “Well, I could just tell, I guess.”

“How?”

Liam snorts. “You’d have to be blind not to notice. He was always tracking you with his eyes. And every time you brought a guy with you to an event, he’d make himself scarce.”

“But he never made a move. Did you warn him away from me?”

Liam looks affronted. “Hell, no. I’m not like that. But I didn’t encourage it either.”

“Why not?”

He sips his beer. “I wasn’t sure if you two would suit.” My stomach plummets. “You’ve always been like oil and water. And you’ve always wanted love, something stable. Even before Mom and Dad died, you used to make all your dolls get married.”

I huff a laugh at how disgusted he sounds. “Yeah, when the Barbies weren’t throwing Ken to his grisly death from the top of the Barbie Dreamhouse, you mean.”

He smiles. “Yeah, exactly. You’re a dreamer, Lane. And Miles, well, I don’t want to say he isn’t, but he’s very driven and very intense. And you never seemed interested in him. So I assumed it was better not to say anything. And then his dad died, and his mom stopped eating, and he started to fade away. At that point, I was pretty sure that trying to make it work with you might break him, especially if you didn’t reciprocate.” He blows out a breath. “And then you decided you hated him, so—” He shrugs. “It was moot at that point.”

“I don’t hate him,” I whisper. “I’m in love with him. But he doesn’t love me. You’re wrong, Liam.”

“I don’t think I am.” He frowns. “I swear I thought he was going to ask you out that summer before his dad died, but you were dating that godawful guy. Jeremy, I think his name was? And Miles never got his chance.”

I’m shaking my head. This version of the truth is too much to bear. Because if it’s true, it means Miles has loved me for a third of my life, and I never realized. What if I’d realized I loved him sooner? Before he hardened? What if I’d made the first move?

“You don’t believe me?” Liam takes a healthy gulp of beer, and I follow suit. It’s cold and refreshing, but I barely taste it.

“I just think Miles isn’t wired to love. He told me he wouldn’t love anyone.”

Liam frowns. “That’s not true. His problem isn’t that he can’t love. It’s that he loves too deeply. So deeply that losing it feels like cutting off a limb.”

“Well, he has a fucked-up way of showing it,” I grumble, and Liam laughs softly.

“That’s definitely true. I mean, I’m as close to him as a brother, and the only way I know how he feels is through actions. He’s not great with words. Not when it comes to feelings.”

“You can say that again.”

Liam turns to me with dark, sad eyes. “You have to understand, Lane. Miles almost lost his mom a few years ago. She stopped eating after his dad died. Grace found her passed out, and he had to send her to rehab. It was a really dark time for him. Especially since he had just lost his father. And I think he’s terrified of feeling that way ever again.”

I sigh. “He hurt me, Liam. I don’t know if I can ever forgive him.”

Liam loops an arm over my shoulder and squeezes me.

“I told you once that he was the best man I know, and I’ll stand by that. If you want him, Lane, I’ll support you. Just don’t give up on him. And don’t hurt him.”

I shake my head and drain my beer, turning Liam’s words over in my head.

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