Page 44 of One Billion Reasons

“No one has ever done that for me.” My eyes flick to his, and his jaw is clenched and his pupils are blown wide. “Please,” I whisper.

“What do you mean no one has ever done that?”

I inhale deeply for courage and will myself to hold his gaze. “I’ve never had an orgasm just from penetration. And I…well, I haven’t had a lot of orgasms that I didn’t give myself.” His body goes taut. “I’ve had plenty of sex. But something about it… It’s just never worked in the past.”

“You’ve had boyfriends,” he growls. “What were they doing?”

Mostly getting themselves off and not worrying about me. “No one long-term.” My face heats. “It’s just never clicked with someone before.” But I think it would with you. Which is, if I’m willing to admit it, entirely fucked up, since I’ve spent most of my life alternating between hating Miles Becker and lusting after him.

“You know that’s not okay, right, Lane?”

“Yes, I do know. I’m not a blushing virgin. I just haven’t figured out what I like in bed. Yet.” I hold his gaze, and his eyes widen.

21

Miles

I want Lane. More than I did when we were younger, if that’s even possible. It should be me. I should be the one to show her pleasure. I hate that she’s been selling herself short, but some caveman part of me loves that every man before me has disappointed her. Because I can already tell that sex with Lane would be electric.

I’m impossibly hard under my tuxedo pants, and she’s so close. I want to grab her and grind her down on me.

I’m the world’s biggest fool for thinking my desire for her would disappear. If anything, shoving it down for years has made it come back in full force. And she wants this too.

Please.

Twenty-year-old me would have been thrilled, but thirty-year-old me knows this is a bad idea.

“We can’t.” The words pop out before I can stop them, but I know they’re right. Lane looks mutinous, and I sit up. She slides off me and covers her breasts with her hands. She looks thoroughly kissed and aroused. Her cheeks are pink, her eyes are bright, and her hair is mussed. I did that. And she loved it. I want to shout with triumph, but I refocus on her angry face.

“You know this is a bad idea,” I say.

“Why? We’re friends. Ish.”

“We’re more than that.” I scrub a hand over my face. She’s going to hate me for this. I know it. “You just agreed to spend the holidays with us. Liam is happy. My mom is thrilled. And Lane, I want you back with us too. Where you belong.”

She pushes off the couch and pulls her ruined dress up over her breasts. I silently pass her my tux jacket so she can cover up.

“Why deny this? What’s a few nights of sex? I know you want this, Miles.” Her tone is flippant, and anger lances through me. It’s not just sex. Or it shouldn’t be. And I hate that she’s so quick to dismiss it.

“Against my better judgment,” I burst out, and she recoils. Her eyes are wide and hurt and fuck. I’m doing it all over again. She’s going to walk out of here and hate me for another three years.

“Lane, please. Listen to me. I’m not made for relationships. I don’t want love. And I don’t want to hurt you.” I spread my hands, and her shoulders slump with defeat.

“I hate that you get to decide this for me,” she murmurs. “I’m not going to fall in love with you because of the power of your magic dick, Miles. Come on.”

“You really think we can just have a fling? You won’t want more?”

It will kill me to lose you. Again.

Her jaw clenches, and her eyes shoot fire. “You’re an asshole, Miles.”

“I’d rather be an asshole than the guy who broke your heart. You’re too important. I’d rather have you as a friend than tear my family apart.”

“Here’s the thing that you don’t understand.” She steps toward me, and I take an involuntary step backward. “Something you’ve never understood. I get to decide if I get my heart broken. Not you.”

With that, she whirls and stalks out of the room, and I slump onto the couch and try to remember why I thought inviting her to this wedding was a good idea.

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