Page 30 of One Billion Reasons

“Because Miles was wasted.” He heaves a sigh. “He wanted to go out. We were at the Montauk house. He was supposed to drive, and we landed at the bar the furthest out of town, where he proceeded to get blasted on cheap tequila.”

“God, he’s such a dick. I swear, Liam, I don’t know why you put up with him.”

“His dad died that night.” Liam’s voice is hushed, and a pit opens in my stomach. I know Miles’s dad died a few years ago, but he never talks about it. I just never realized it was that particular night. Especially since that was the night I decided I never wanted to speak to him again. I said those exact words to him at the hospital. Well, screamed, really. I never want to speak to you again.

“He didn’t tell me until we were already in the car, but he was really upset. I didn’t know what to do. You know how he is, Lane. He’s always the tough guy. He looks out for everyone but himself. So I drove him back. And I crashed his Porsche when a deer jumped in front of the car. I crashed, and I was trapped when the car rolled. He had the presence of mind to drag me out of the car and lie to the police. I’m pretty sure he bribed them to look the other way. He never got a DUI. I wasn’t even conscious.” He gives a short, unhappy laugh. “Miles has been a better friend to me than I ever deserved.”

“Don’t say that,” I argue, but the words are absent. My whole world tilts on its side. Miles saved Liam’s life? Miles was so broken up over his dad’s death that he never told anyone but Liam and had to drink his sorrows away? Even wasted, Miles had the presence of mind to make sure Liam never faced any consequences? Everything I thought I knew is turned upside down. Instead of a villain, it seems like my brother’s best friend might be a hero. I shiver and pull my flannel around me.

“Why didn’t you tell me? You should have told me, Liam. I deserved to know.” My voice rises with each sentence until I’m almost shouting at my twin.

“I know, Lane. I’m sorry. I just—He made me promise, okay?”

“Why?”

“He didn’t want you to know because he didn’t want you involved. We lied to the cops. We bribed them. We got away with something that night, and it was better for no one else to know. And I—” He pauses.

“What, Liam?”

He sighs. “I didn’t want you to think less of me. So I went along with his plan. I wasn’t thinking straight. I should have told you the truth. But I don’t know—” Another pause and a heavy breath. “I didn’t want you to think less of him. Stupid of me. Because of course you’d hate him for the crash. Even though I knew you’d hate him for the bribe, too.”

“Why do you care what I think of him?” I whisper and scrunch my toes in the cold sand.

“Come on, Lane. You were barely speaking to him before that, but you still came to holidays. We still got to spend time with the Beckers. I didn’t want it to get any worse. I miss them. I miss having our little threesome. I just wanted us to go back to how we were in college.”

I’m silent for a minute. I want that too. I loved those holidays. I loved the feeling of being with family, of belonging. And if I’m being perfectly honest with myself, I miss Miles. I miss his stupid pranks, especially the ones he used to pull on his Aunt Grace, and the way he used to throw his head back when he found something hilarious. I miss his generosity, time and money both. And while he may have criticized me for years, he always listened to me. I miss that most of all.

“Why did he tell you this, anyways? I thought you guys didn’t talk anymore.” Liam sounds cautious. He’s been subjected to enough of my snarking about Miles.

“Because of that night!” I burst out.

“But you hated him before that, right?” He’s quiet for a moment. “I thought it was…never mind.”

“What, Liam?” My heart is thumping. “What did you think?”

“No, no. It’s nothing. Uh, you guys have, I mean, you guys have always had tension. I sorta figured you got sick of him,” he finishes lamely. I scrape my palm along the boulder, feeling the smooth edges and sand under my fingers. Liam’s hiding something.

“I mean, yes, but also that night was the final straw.”

“So why are you talking to him now?”

“He asked me to go to Amanda’s wedding with him.” It sounds dumb and juvenile, and too much like I’m Miles’s date.

Liam is silent, presumably stunned.

“It’s not a date or anything. He needed someone to stand in to save his reputation for some business deal.” The words spill out. I need to make sure Liam understands this is not a real thing between me and Miles, though I’m not sure why.

“I see. Does this mean you’ll come back? For holidays? To see Louise? She and Grace have been asking about you.” He’s silent, holding his breath.

“Yes.” Agreeing makes me feel lighter. “Yes. I’ll come back, okay? You can tell Grace and Louise that I’ll see them at Thanksgiving. You can stop badgering me.” I smile as I push off the rock and sink into the damp sand. It’s cold enough to make my feet numb, and I shiver.

“You won’t regret it. Family is important. But Lane? Be careful.” His words are urgent. “Please, be careful with Miles.”

I roll my eyes as I reach the stairs. “He’s still the worst. Believe me, I’m always careful with him. I know he could hurt me.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about at all,” Liam murmurs.

I try to get more information out of him, but he won’t elaborate, and we hang up after a few minutes. I climb the stairs back to the property and roll my shoulders to relieve the tension. Liam was more guarded than the last time I talked to him. Something’s going on with him. Maybe Miles will know. Liam and I are best friends, but he has periods where he won’t let me in. It’s gotten worse since our parents died. My heart squeezes as I watch happy little clusters of guests on the back deck having breakfast. It’s been years, and I still think about them all the time. Liam and I have been alone for so long, and going to events like this is always particularly tough.

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