She nodded slowly. “That makes sense to me,” she said. “Kind of a trial period. And this way, if you decide you can’t see it through, nobody gets hurt.”
Elliot wondered if that was true. Nobody would get hurt? Was she saying she wouldn’t be affected if he decided to walk away after a few months? It wouldn’t bother her at all?
He didn’t want her to be bothered, exactly. But he also didn’t want to think that she could shrug him off that easily, because after having spoken to Cassidy, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to walk away unscathed. She was right to say that he needed to make a decision before the baby came, but if he came to the conclusion that he couldn’t be a father, it would hurt him to leave her.
Maybe it was for the best that she wouldn’t be hurt. Maybe it was a good thing. He didn’t want to cause her any pain or trouble, after all.
“Okay,” he said. “So you’ll move into my place?”
“I think this is crazy,” she said. “Just for the record.”
“Maybe. But even so, I want to try it.”
“I’m going to regret this.” She shook her head. “Okay, we’ll try it.”
“Make a list of the things you need and I’ll have someone go to your apartment and get them for you.”
She stared at him. “I’ll get my own things,” she said. “I don’t need someone to pack for me.”
“You’re supposed to be resting. The nurse said so.”
“For the next twenty-four hours, yeah. And she meant don’t do anything strenuous. She didn’t mean don’t pack a suitcase. You’re going to hover, aren’t you?”
Elliot couldn’t help smiling. “Would that be so bad? Me hovering a little?”
“I could probably get used to it,” she admitted. “I’m not going to let you send some stranger to my apartment to pack up my things, but I will let you come with me. You can help me, if you think putting clothes into a suitcase is too much physical labor for me to handle.”
“Okay,” he agreed, seeing that it was the most agreement he was going to get from her. “We’ll stop at your place, and then we’ll go to mine.”
“But we’re keeping things strictly platonic,” Ivy told him. “No romantic business between the two of us. I don’t want this to go in that direction. And that means no close calls like that night at your office, either. We need to keep it together.”
Elliot nodded his agreement. “You’re right,” he said. “It’s too serious now. There’s too much at stake. We can’t afford to get in over our heads with each other.”
But even as he said it, he regretted it. He did want to get in over his head with her. The fact that they were having this baby meant that they couldn’t take chances with their relationship, and if he was honest with himself, that was probably for the best, because he had noticed how hard it was for him to control himself around her. Either he dove in with both feet or he pushed her away. He couldn’t seem to find the middle ground.
Well, now he was going to have to find it. There were no more excuses. If he was going to have a chance at remaining in his child’s life, he was going to have to figure out how to deal with Ivy platonically. Not just professionally — the two of them were going to have to become friends.
For a moment, he wondered whether cohabitating was the best way to make that happen. It would be difficult, seeing her every day, to remember the relationship they were supposed to be building and not the one his instincts were pushing him to seek. It would be hard to be friends — just friends and nothing more.
But he could do it, he thought. And the reward would be well worth the effort if he was successful — he wanted to be a part of this baby’s life. He wanted to prove to himself that he was capable of something like that. It would be hard, yes, but nowhere near as hard as living out the rest of his life knowing that he had a child out there who he’d never get the chance to meet. That was an outcome he didn’t know if he could stand.
“I’ll go get the nurse and let her know we’re ready to be checked out,” he told her.
This was going to be an adventure. But Elliot was ready to face it.
CHAPTER 16
IVY
“This will be your room,” Elliot said, standing back so that Ivy could get a look at the space. “I’m sorry. It’s a little…” He trailed off and waved a hand helplessly, as though at a loss to explain what it was.
Disastrous was the word that came to Ivy’s mind, though she wouldn’t have said so out loud. The room might be a guest room, and it was clear that Elliot had intended to utilize it that way at some point in the past, but right now it was mostly functioning as storage space. There was a bed in the center of the room and a dresser in the corner, but all around the walls were piles of junk and empty cardboard boxes that it looked like he hadn’t gotten around to recycling.
“I’m sorry about the mess,” he said sheepishly. “I never use this room, so I’ve been telling the maid to skip it and focus on the other rooms of the house. And I keep thinking I’ll use those boxes for something someday, but that’s probably foolish. I’ll have her clean it up on Saturday when she comes. Or I can make arrangements for someone to come in tomorrow and clean, if you’d like.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Ivy said. “My room at home is a little messy too. Do you mind if I do a bit of cleaning myself, though? Would that bother you? I won’t throw anything out.”
Elliot frowned. “I can’t let you clean,” he said. “That’s not your responsibility.”