Page 28 of Under the Lion Star

I had vehemently opposed him and Liras joining the war so young, but my parents insisted they could handle it. On several occasions, our battalions crossed paths, and I’d been impressed with each of them. My fears had seemed to be unfounded.

Then our parents died, and four days after I returned to Galvord, Liras wheeled in my brother’s body, but his soul remained lost somewhere across the Garam Sea.

As happened more often than not, I paused at his doorway before turning away without even knocking. Anxiety gripped my innards, filling my gut with a rising panic and nausea. I was too weak to face him. To face the evidence of how I had been a shit brother.

My eyes pressed shut as the throbbing around my temples built. The air in the castle felt thick, causing my lungs to protest with each breath I attempted to draw in. I needed to escape.

Strolling through the countryside had been the only consistent reprieve I’d found since becoming the king. Few recognized me, and even fewer spoke to me at all. But the one person I needed most was probably out there, wandering around by herself despite my repeated commands not to. My mind conjured images of snow-white hair, bits of plant matter clinging to the unruly strands, and silver eyes that held a calming gentleness.

I should make sure she hasn’t found more danger, I lied to myself.

The truth was that I needed her. I needed Zialda. She was the only person in my life who wasn’t reliant upon me. My siblings needed me to be strong, the country needed me to keep us out of another war, and every lord I spoke with had some opinion about what I was doing wrong.

Aside from Atlas, Zialda was the first person who treated me as an elf first and a king second. Her companionship was a soothing balm for my soul, allowing me to think about the state of my life without being consumed by the panic that lived in my veins. While the countryside had been my escape, the comfort it elicited paled when compared to how I felt in her presence.

Chapter 7

Zialda

Nima and Aunt Stella were discussing business matters, and while I had feigned interest for the first hour, I found it was more fun to hang out with Marcy in the yard.

Ever since my sister had completed her university courses, she and our aunt would use part of our weekend meetups to discuss how to properly open a business and all the additional work that went into owning one’s own storefront.

I tried to fight against the jealousy that always bloomed whenever someone younger than me seemed to have figured their life out. Even little Marcy was insistent that she would find her Elldaran elf husband and live happily ever after. Which somehow sounded more likely than me getting my shit together and entering the world of adulthood before I turned thirty.

Stagnancy was not a state I liked to find myself in, but I’d become so used to it that anything else seemed daunting and terrifying. The most frustrating factor was how, anytime one of my siblings came to me for advice, I never struggled to steer them. How could it be possible that I also had no advice for myself? All I had was an infuriating inner voice that insisted upon hitting me with a damaging self-talk deluge whenever I sought its opinion.

Of course, I was happy for Nima, and I had no doubt that she would be successful in whatever she set her mind to, but I wanted to know what process she had gone through to discover her calling that I seemed to be missing. How do I find that moment when everything slides into place, and I could start setting goals and work to achieve something?

As the sun began to set, Nima found me sitting on the porch steps. Marcy and I finished the last of her mathematics homework and said our goodbyes to our aunt and cousin. Nima had been accompanying me to the countryside, but I hadn’t fully divulged that my new friend had murdered two people.

“When do I get to meet El?” Nima asked, pressing her shoulder against mine while we walked.

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in a week,” I sighed. “And it’s not like that. We’re just friends.”

“I was just friends with Pullam,” my sister grinned. “That’s how good relationships start.”

“It’s also how good friendships start,” I countered.

“Is he handsome?”

“Gods, Nima,” I groaned before relenting. “Yes, he’s handsome.”

“Well, between him and Atlas, you have options.”

I rolled my eyes. Then, as if summoned, Pullam met us on the roadway. He stayed with us until we were close enough to Galvord that lanterns lined the road. Nima and he ran off to Gods knew where. I didn’t bother to ask.

Darkness encroached, and while it gave me some unease to walk back to Galvord lit only by the occasional torch, I remembered that the previous attack had taken place in broad daylight. Should I have found comfort in knowing that I could be assaulted at any time of day? Probably not, but look at me being an optimist for once.

Nearly halfway through my solo journey, a man was walking in the opposite direction that I was. Tall, broad, and focused entirely on the dirt beneath his feet.

I attempted to move to the other side of the street as discreetly as possible, and my hand moved to my sash as a precaution. The chance of El appearing from thin air to dispatch another threat didn’t seem a defensive strategy that I should rely upon.

The elf looked up, and recognition hit El before it did me. His steps grew faster, the footfalls echoing out into the night air.

He looked upset, and I rehearsed an excuse as to why I was walking alone. Surely, he would understand that my sister’s need for dick was worth the momentary risk to my safety. But as El came closer, his eyes were filled not with anger or frustration but with an anguish that had my own eyes misting over. He looked destroyed.

Without a word of greeting, his arms wrapped around my upper body, and I was pulled against him tightly. It wasn’t a nice hug, not the kind that filled either party with warmth or affection. However, it was familiar. Countless times, I had held my sisters in a similar way. When the weight of their responsibilities and anxieties had been crushing them for weeks, months on end, and finally, another load was added, it wrecked any strength they had left as everything around them fell apart.

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