Page 57 of Satin Empire

“I’ve been there too,” Saul says, sounding cold. “You know that.”

“And you know damn well that I’ve taken more heat and gotten hit more often than anyone else aside from fucking Dante, and look where that got him.”

Saul’s face goes totally cold. He’s way past anger now, and I don’t give a shit. The fucking guy can’t let it go, no matter what I say or do, he’ll never get over the fact that I’m doing something on my own. It makes him crazy that I’m not just hanging my head and obeying orders like a proper little soldier.

“Don’t be disrespectful of the dead,” Saul warns.

But I pull away, already sick of this. “You know, you don’t give Gian shit for running his businesses. You don’t even push him into action. You’re content to manage your gambling hustle, which Gian built for you, by the way, but when I try to strike off and build something that’s all mine, suddenly you have shit to say. I’m really tired of you, Saul.”

His teeth clench like a dog trying not to bite. “And I’m tired of explaining that the war is the most important thing in our lives. You think Gian and I aren’t constantly doing shit for the fight? That’s all we do, to the detriment of everything else. But you’re the boots on the ground, that’s always been your role, and we’re weaker as a family if you start letting yourself get distracted by some shiny new toy.”

“Fuck off, Saul.” I walk to the door. I could stand here and shout at him, but that won’t fix a thing. I’m too numb to care at this point. “If you find something new, give me a call. Otherwise, I’m running with what I’ve got.”

“Yeah, typical Carlo, walking away when shit’s hard.”

I turn on him, hands clenched into fists. “Who the fuck got shot for this? Did you forget about that? I’ve killed for this family. I’ve given everything, and now I want a little something for myself, and you’re acting like I’m a goddamn monster.”

Saul slams a hand on the table and stands. “It’s because you never fucking finish anything, damn it.”

My eyes go wide. I can’t move, it’s like I’m pinned to the door. “What are you talking about?”

“You remember the diner you opened, right? You got it started, and as soon as it got hard, you walked away.”

I stare at him. My heart’s pumping hard, all the blood whooshing past my ears. “I was young. I fucked up.”

“What about the gym? You remember the gym? That lasted three weeks. There were the dry cleaners you wanted to use as laundering fronts that ended up going bust, and the convenience store you ran out of business because you didn’t like the manager, remember all that?”

I take a step back. He’s right. I’ve fucked a few businesses up over the years, but I’ve successfully handled way more, and all those happened when I was in my early twenties. “I was young, bro,” I say and clear my throat. “As if you don’t have your own string of failures.”

“We all do,” Saul says, hands spread, looking plaintively at me as if he’s in the right here, but my skull’s all fuzzy and I’m not sure if I’m filled with rage or sadness. Maybe a little bit of both. Because I always knew my brothers saw me as this unserious failure, but now I’m hearing it out loud. “Except we need your head in this game right now more than ever. Wait until Jasha’s caught before you start something new. Please, I’m asking this as your brother.”

I kick the door open and step through it. If I speak, I’m going to say something very bad, something I’ll regret, because I don’t want a brother who holds my past mistakes against me for over ten years. I paid for those fuck-ups—I paid goddamn dearly—and I learned to be a better, more reliable man. Except I can’t escape what happened, no matter what I do. I’ll always be Carlo, smiling and happy Carlo, good with a gun and reckless enough to do a whole lot of killing.

But I want to be more. I have to be more. And Saul can keep looking at me like I’ll never grow up, and I can start to believe it too, but once that happens, I’m finished. I’ll be trapped in this cycle, and I’ll never break through.

Chapter 28

Alana

Work is painfully boring. There aren’t many customers, which means I have a lot of time to worry about Carlo. He came home last night looking haunted, but when I asked him what happened, he only mumbled something about family business and went to sleep.

It bothered me, and it was even worse when I woke up and found he had already left for the day without saying anything. I’m not sure what happened, but I can tell something hurt him deeply last night, and I wish he’d talk to me about it.

Only a welcome distraction arrives in the form of Noah and his gossip. There’s plenty of Milano dirt to go over, and since I’m not in the heart of the family anymore, Noah gets to relay everything to me in excruciating detail.

“I swear, Mona is such a bitch,” he says, sneering and drinking the free coffee he stole when I was in the bathroom. I told him to watch the counter for one second and the guy made himself a freaking latte. Bastard. “She got in this huge fight with Christine about some dumb guy they both like, but instead of just dealing with it like a grown-ass girl, she started spreading rumors that Christine’s got herpes or something. Seriously, Mona’s a nutjob.”

“I miss Mona,” I say with a sigh. She’s another one of the cousins and her drama is constantly the most insane. “She belongs in a zoo. Not because she’s an animal, but because the world deserves to watch her antics twenty-four-seven.”

“God, I’d love to see her behind bars,” Noah says with a dramatic sigh. We chat for a while longer until the doors open. I look over, expecting a customer, and find Carlo walking in with his sister in tow.

I stand up rigid, surprised to see them. Carlo’s still scowling, but at least he comes over and gives me a kiss and greets Noah with some warmth.

Then Stefania’s on me, giving me a big hug. She looks like her brothers, except a pretty girl version, and not nearly as big. She’s more like my height with darker hair and a skinnier build.

“I feel like I keep missing you every time you visit,” she says and props herself against the counter next to Noah. “So I made your husband here bring me to see you.”

“Be nice,” Carlo warns as he retreats to a table and gestures for Noah to follow. “We’ll have a conversation while you two chat.”

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