It meant never feeling the care and devotion I’d felt every damn day since arriving on this planet.
It meant the last unshattered pieces of my heart had a chance to remain.
Hiking my pack up my shoulder, I took a deep, steadying breath before forcing myself one step toward the forest.
VO’AK
Riding to the bordering clan, all I could think of was the sweet hoo-man I had left behind. This dispute needed attending to, the matter settled, and I could not risk my hoo-man’s life by bringing him along, but that did not mean my heart would not wane with displeasure at the distance between me and my mate.
The tiny hoo-man had a tough streak—a fire in his delicate belly—but he was also skittish, as if one wrong move away from fleeing. I believed him to be relatively happy, but there was still something in his eyes, an emptiness that could only be filled beyond the forest. The way he glanced at those trees had me wondering if he waited for an opening to run.
The other night, he had wept in my lap, told me of his past, and expressed that he wished not to be left alone. I had provided him all the comfort he needed, but frustration still struck. I wished I could have understood all that my precious little mate had said, reassured him of my love and how I would claw my way to the edges of the world to please him. It was not enough to sense his feelings, though it helped. All that sorrow, all that poisonous misery, and I would have relished slicing the neck of the hoo-man who had caused my mate that pain. Roo-bin had expressed that the unfortunate creature had already perished, but perhaps in the next life I would be granted the chance to exact my own justice.
For now, I wondered with a deep sense of bitter longing whether I would even have a mate to avenge in the afterlife. Would Roo-bin truly escape? Had I not given him all that he could ever wish to possess—a home, meat in his belly, a loyal mate with a mighty cock that could make him cross-eyed with pleasure? Would he really flee from the one who wanted nothing more than to help him heal?
To adore him unconditionally?
I petted the mane of my carrier beast, the reeds vibrant and vivid under my touch. It snorted in appreciation, veins glowing below its translucent skin. Roo-bin could not leave. I was what he truly needed, what he desired. I had not imagined the way he clung to me now, seeking my comfort in sleep, tethering himself as if he never wanted to let go. It may not have been obvious to him, but I could not ignore the signs. What else had I to do to prove that this was where he was meant to be?
“Vo’ak,” Zae’l called, steering his clyp close to mine. “You look as if you have sniffed a hefgy seed. What ails you?”
I waved dismissively at my surly right hand, forcing a smirk onto my face. “The only time I appear like this is when you have not washed your tail. What does that tell you?”
Ok’tna snorted from the opposite side. “Is that what I smell? Pft, no wonder he has not attracted his mate.”
Zae’l rolled his eyes at our antics, urging his mount forward. “I am not entertaining either of you, younglings.”
“We jest,” I told him, slapping his back as he passed. “Rest assured, my friend, if I had not found my Roo, you would be my fifth choice.”
“Fifth?” he growled, before catching himself and donning his mask of indifference once more. “I do not care for your opinion.”
“You need not worry yourself, Zae’l,” Ok’tna teased, savoring the chance to goad his elder blood-brother. “I hear there is a species out there that possesses no sense of smell.”
I laughed, basking in the ease of our jesting, even at the expense of my clan mate. It distracted my mind from other matters, and made the journey that much more bearable.
“You are both boors,” Zae’l remarked bitterly. “Where is your mate, Ok’tna? I do not see them. Are they off wetting another’s sword this week?”
Ok’tna’s broad shoulders stiffened, and he glared, a nerve struck. “Watch your tongue.”
The elder brother looked smug at earning a rise from the younger. It was a common occurrence for their arguments to turn personal at some point. That was their dynamic. “Perhaps I should court him. Show him a real male.”
Ok’tna growled, fangs bared, looking ready to vault off his mount and tackle his brother. I huffed in amusement, deciding to defuse the situation, if only to spare the clyp’s their foolishness. “Enough. It would not do for the two of you to kill each other before we get there.”
Zae’l lifted his chin as if he had won, while Ok’tna scoffed, turning to address me instead. “Speaking of mates, how is Roo-bin settling?”
My grin faltered. I supposed two minutes was all the peace I was afforded. Sighing, I posed a different question instead, “Is there a fault with me? Be true.”
Zae’l tugged his mount back into line, slotting between Ok’tna and me, his brows raised. “Has he found fault with you?”
“I… I am unsure.”
“The clan often hear his cries from your hut,” Ok’tna offered with a light chuckle. “He does not sound disappointed.”
Zae’l hummed in agreement.
“I have no doubt that I please him in the furs,” I clarified, assured of that fact, at least. “But I wonder if he finds me lacking in other areas.”
I grew suspicious of the silence that fell between us, but before I could fill it, Zae’l added, “Do you ask as our leader or our friend?”