Page 59 of You're Not My King!

Confused and irrational, I tugged the bolt from my chest, cutting the flow of toxin into my bloodstream, though I knew it was too late. I fell to my knees, my vision blurring at an alarming rate as another slice of agony coursed through me. It reverberated from the base of my spine to the center of my tail.

My breath caught in my lungs, my senses distorting, and the last thought I had as the world glossed over, turning to darkness, was…

Roo-bin.

REUBEN

I didn’t leave.

I hesitated too long, lingering on the edge of the forest, watching the trees wave and writhe, contemplating whether going home really was the best and only choice. I had no clue where home even was anymore, and wasn’t that saying something? I’d settled on U’suhk quicker than I’d ever have anticipated, developed a routine, and found a sense of belonging that I’d never thought I’d have again. I’d promised I wouldn’t let my guard slip, wouldn’t hand over my trust as easily as before. But I had, hadn’t I? I’d let Vo’ak nestle his way under my skin, shown him my vulnerabilities, given him parts of myself that I thought were long since closed off.

We just… fit. No question about it. I’d already wondered if it was all thanks to the magical alien bond tying us together, but according to Fiona, even a connection as strong as mine and Vo’ak’s couldn’t alter feelings. Instincts, sure, and since I was human, the effects were dulled, but still. It increased desire, gave us insights into one another’s senses and heightened our need to protect each other above all else, but it wasn’t a love potion. It nudged fate in the right direction, but it was up to us to decide whether we were compatible.

And we were. Of course we were. I’d been trying to reason it away with every excuse in the book, telling myself that he was just charming and I only felt so safe and content around him because of the bond we shared. But that was bullshit. From the very moment we’d met in that forest, when my eyes had landed on his, part of me, deep, deep down, had known he was my person. My home. Even with the proof mounting up ever since, I’d just refused to admit it to myself. I had latched on to the whole forced-marriage thing, milked it for all it was worth, and tried to hate him for it. But I couldn’t. How could I?

It was actually laughable how such a big, arrogant alien could barely understand a word I said, but understood me perfectly.

Better than anyone.

I owed it to myself to explore that. To see, for sure, what we had before making any rash decisions. I had been through enough, mostly of my own making, but at what point did I say ‘fuck it’ and move on? I had thought I needed my family’s forgiveness first, that I didn’t deserve to have a fresh start without it, but maybe now was the time to cut my losses?

I doubted they missed me, anyway. They’d managed just fine without contacting me for the last however many years, so I was sure they’d cope. Kat’s face flashed in my mind again, the emptiness and absence of care in her expression as I was dragged away.

Would she have had more of a reaction if I’d been a stranger?

After everything, I was so brainwashed, so determined and fixated on going back to how things used to be, to the happiness I used to know with my family before it had all gone tits up, that I hadn’t stopped for a second to really imagine that same life here. Sure, Earth was familiar. My family were there. I had memories, good memories before the bad, but was that really enough for me?

And hadn’t I made memories just as good here in a fraction of the time?

Maybe that fantasy of turning back time was outdated. Maybe, just maybe, things were beyond the point of repair, and I had to accept that? That didn’t mean I couldn’t still be happy, build a life similar to the one I used to have and make new, better memories with new and better people, not clouded or forced by impending death. I could be grateful for everything my old life had given me, but maybe this time, stepping into the unknown and chasing a new high wouldn’t leave me broken in the gutter?

Maybe Vo’ak was worth taking one last risk for.

Nothing waited for me back there, I knew that now, which meant nothing was really stopping me from committing to the ‘new life, new me’ on an alien planet—except my own mental block. I mean, did it have to happen on Earth? Like, who was in charge of the healing process venue? In fact, relocation was probably advised. Not quite another galaxy, but I was sure it made sense to pack up and move somewhere unfamiliar to turn over a new leaf. I should send A&R a fruit basket.

Thanks for the abduction, ten outta ten, would recommend.

“Roo-bin…”

Nie’tr’s distant voice broke through my thoughts, his silhouette bounding closer in my periphery, and I almost sighed with relief.

Too late now.

There were rare occasions when it felt liberating to have a choice taken away from you, but how could I even pretend I hadn’t already decided? I looked out at the forest one last time, checking whether there were any second thoughts, if I felt even an impulsive lick of desire to make a run for it.

Nothing.

Maybe I’d regret it later, but in this moment, staying felt right. If I’d really wanted to leave, I wouldn’t have hesitated.

“Roo-bin!” Nie’tr called again, more urgent, and I spun around with a laugh hanging off my tongue, ready to tease him for his shit guarding skills, but the dread in his eyes had my body stiffening, smile fading.

A cold chill ran down my spine. Worry sinking deep.

“What’s—”

I saw him.

Vo’ak, limp and lifeless, being carried through the camp by his clansmen. There was a web of black veins branching out from the gaping wound in the center of his chest. My heart skipped, color draining from my face as my stomach roiled so hard I thought I’d be sick. It felt like slow motion, how I ran toward him, vision blurring with the tears already gathering at the corners. He couldn’t be…

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