Page 54 of You're Not My King!

In that moment, I could not imagine adoring the perfectly imperfect little Earthling more.

REUBEN

The summons had arrived three days ago: a chief from one of the faraway clans requesting a meet ‘n’ greet with our illustrious leader in a week or so. I wasn’t privy to the full details—or I hadn’t been listening well enough—but one thing I knew for sure was that I’d asked to join Vo’ak’s oh-so-exclusive little travel party and been refused.

Apparently, the road was dangerous, or some bullshit. Oh, yeah, let us pretend I hadn’t survived so long on a barbarian lizard planet with literally zero luck or skills, ’cause that was obviously irrelevant. And no matter how persuasive my arguments were, he would not budge.

Well, fuck him. It was a dumb trip anyway.

Okay, fine, I was sulking, and I had no idea why. Apart from the obvious—being denied a chance to venture out of here and being told no—it made zero sense that I was so hurt and offended. Vo’ak had been on trips before, and I’d never felt the need to follow him. Granted, he hadn’t been gone for more than a day, but the length of time shouldn’t make a difference, right? Vo’ak could do as he pleased, go wherever he pleased. He was the king, for God’s sake. But something about the upcoming jaunt really unsettled me.

I was having nightmares again, so that probably had a lot to do with it. I mean, how could anyone live, laugh, love when they were in a constant state of under-the-surface panic and trudging around like a zombie? Usually, the lizard-octopus wrapping himself tighter around me helped, but for some reason, even that had lost its magic. I was barely functioning on two hours sleep a night, and part of me had started to wonder if I’d just gotten so used to Vo’ak being beside me, always there, that my subconscious was preparing for when he wasn’t.

That would be stupid. It wasn’t as if he was abandoning me. Christ, he’d be away for a week, tops. Surely, I could be left alone for that long without having a meltdown. I was a big boy who’d managed without anyone for months before, so it really shouldn’t be a problem. And hell, even if he was abandoning me, why did I care? It wasn’t as if I?—

Last night had been the worst yet. I could hardly remember what the dream had even been about, but a gut-sinking feeling of neglect and rejection had lingered. I’d startled awake, panting, crying, and covered in sweat, fleeing to the spring as soon as I’d clawed back control of my body because I couldn’t stand Vo’ak’s distressed and worried eyes, or his gentle caress of my name in my ear.

I’d avoided his presence all day, feigning busyness and making up excuses to dodge his concern. Talking about deep issues wasn’t really my scene, and even if it had been, I couldn’t make sense of my own feelings, so how was I supposed to vent them?

Unfortunately, running and hiding from my problems only lasted so long. I had to return to our hut at some point, and when I did, Vo’ak was already there, waiting for me. I tried to act nonchalant, kissing his cheek in greeting before flitting around the tent, pretending I hadn’t given him the cold shoulder all damn day. Of course, that worked about as well as an ashtray on a motorbike, considering I’d broken character.

I never kissed him on the cheek in greeting.

Vo’ak cornered me before I could nestle into bed and tease myself with sleep. His hands tentatively seized my hips, rooting me to the spot, his gaze pleading. “C’karuucha?”

I felt a little bad.

Okay, more than a little, but I couldn’t give in now. I’d already put so much effort into ignoring the possibility that I’d fucked up again.

“What is it, big guy?” I coaxed, voice a playful murmur, opting for distraction from a different angle. I fluttered my lashes, looping my arms around his neck and bringing us chest to chest. “You wanna fuck? Hm? You want my mouth on you, baby?” I brushed my lips along the tattoo lining his throat, over his chin, and even flicked my tongue against the frill of his ear, making him shudder. “Or do you want to plug my ass with your knot?”

Vo’ak’s nostrils flared, his jaw clenching hard under my wandering mouth as if fighting the instinct to take me up on the offer. “No,” he said—such a paragon of restraint when I didn’t want him to be—and carefully pried my arms from his neck to lace my fingers with his. He pressed a chaste kiss to each of my knuckles, then my mating band, the gesture breaking something inside me, before adding, “You are pained, my Roo-bin. I would know why.”

I didn’t mean to act harshly, but my body withdrew without permission, yanking my hands away as a false smile split my face. “I’m fine.”

Yeah, I was fine. Fine that he was leaving, fine that I was being left behind like I always was. Fine, fine, just gloriously fucking fine.

I retreated. Not only physically, but emotionally, too. My self-preservation system was working in overdrive to re-shield my heart as the first hint of sadness crept in. The last guy I’d trusted with the whole of me had fucked up my life. He’d made me so dependent and terrified of separation—so obsessed with going back to the way things had been in my childhood—that when he’d died, I’d closed myself off from romantic connections to focus all my energy on forgetting. I couldn’t risk the heartache of being cast aside for a second time.

Or have anyone stand in the way of regaining the happiness I once knew.

Vo’ak caught my wrist as I made a run for the exit, tugging me back to him with little effort. I squirmed in his hold, protesting any and all coddling because I knew it would ruin my front, but he refused to let go. The stubborn bastard bundled me into his arms, carried my thrashing, argumentative ass over to the bed and sat with me in his lap, petting my hair like I was a spooked animal.

The absolute audacity stunned me into surrendering. No matter how much I complained or grumbled, he was gonna do as he pleased anyway, so I might as well bask in the comforting purrs and soft kisses.

I’d just glower at the wall the whole time.

Ultimately, I relaxed properly, melting into the attention like the self-proclaimed slut for hugs and caresses that I was. There was no point fighting it. The longer I slumped in Vo’ak’s embrace, the deeper I tumbled into that void in my head, the one screaming at me just how weighed down and unnerved I actually felt. Vo’ak could obviously sense it, and though he didn’t force me to talk or get angry, he was persistent.

He cared.

The big softy snuffled against the tuft of hair at my crown and carded his fingers through the rest. It was soothing. “Roo-bin. My delightful Roo-bin,” he rasped softly, a regular ole poet. “What ails you, sweet creature?”

Ugh, why does he have to be so charming?

“You’re leaving me,” I whined into his chest like a simpering idiot, and Vo’ak seemed alarmed that I’d even suggest such a thing.

“Why?”

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