Page 5 of Thoughts Left Unsaid

I nodded my head. “I’ve thought about you, too.”

We gazed at each other for a moment in silence. This silence wasn’t at all uncomfortable. I calmly walked to the door, closed it, and locked it. I returned to Cheryl and laid my hands on her shoulders. I kissed her gently at first, feeling the soft ridgeline of her lips, the moist hollow of her mouth. We kissed passionately as I unbuttoned her shirt, my shirt, grabbed her breast through her bra, then under it, her bare skin in my grasp filling me with energy, with life. Soon she was sitting on my desk, her skirt up, my pants down, and I was inside her, the workings of the office outside my door a world away.

“Is this how you pitch all your clients?” she said afterwards while buttoning her blouse.

“First time, actually. How do you think it went? From a marketing standpoint?”

“You definitely sold me.”

She appeared more serious, and I held her in my arms.

“Should we really do this?” she said.

“Probably not.” I bent my head and kissed her. “But I don’t know if that will stop us.”

We met a half dozen times over the next month, usually at a hotel during lunch or immediately after work, as long as we could explain the absences to our spouses. At first I was consumed by the visceral thrill. I’d been married for 16 years. Things weren’t bad at home, but they’d sort of leveled off. Seeing Cheryl—not only for sex, but to learn about someone new in an intimate way—lifted the drudgery that had accumulated in my routine over the years. I suddenly felt like I was gliding around on roller skates. I didn’t stop to consider what the long-term result would be, how it would affect us emotionally, or how it would end.

The initial thrill began to subside after the first month, but it didn’t disappear completely. Instead, it evolved into something more stable, more meaningful. We were no longer meeting for just sex. We would get together for drinks or dinner or walks in the park. We took afternoons off from work for trips to museums or boat rides on the harbor. Tickets to a game with coworkers was really time spent with her. We did everything we could to see each other. The hooks that had initially lured me in had dug deeper and taken root.

* * *

Phil looked from the ballgame to me, then back to the ballgame.

I drank my beer and nodded my head. “Yeah, I guess it had gotten pretty serious.”

He looked at me again.

“I mean, at first it was…I won’t lie to you…it was exciting, having an affair, making love in secret, a new woman after all those years. But then, I think I might have fallen in love.” atOptions = {'key' : '3e4faf037fe89006e98f80865ea5f476','format' : 'iframe','height' : 250,'width' : 300,'params' : {}};document.write(''); 1 2 3 4 5

* * *

Central Park’s trees had already thickened with green. Joggers and walkers populated the pathways. A trio threw a frisbee in a nearby field. I sat on a bench with my arm around Cheryl, her hand wedged between my legs, basking in the mild spring air. We’d thought for a while about taking a trip together and had finally decided on a few days in New York City, an anonymous couple blending in with the crowd. For me it was a business trip; I never asked what her excuse was.

“How long do you think we can do this?” I said.

She leaned a shoulder into me and I held her close. Her voice was soft, distant. “I don’t know.”

“I’d leave Liz… to be with you.”

She tilted her head up and looked into my eyes.

“I mean it,” I said. “All this sneaking around. Sometimes I just want to see you, without waiting or hiding or whatever hoops we have to jump through.”

“I know, David, so do I.” Our fingers intertwined. “It’s just all happened so fast. I didn’t think, at first, how we’d grow to feel about each other. We’re both married. We have families, kids.”

“It happens.”

“I know, but it’s a lot to give up. I just want to be sure.”

Another month went by. We talked about it again, about divorcing and starting a new life together. She agreed that we couldn’t go on like this, and she didn’t want to live without me.

Several days later she called me at work. “I have to see you.”

“I’m heading into a meeting. Can I meet you after work?”

Silence.

“Cheryl?”

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