Page 85 of Need

“Yes. We get appeals sometimes direct from families. We usually try to connect them to the hospital that can best help them. There was one today for a little girl. She looked a lot like you with her dark brown hair and blue eyes. I wondered what you looked like when you were little.” He rested his head on his hand and used his free one to continue to play with my hair.

I leaned into him, starting to relax. “I was normal, I think. I liked to play with dolls and help my mom bake cookies. For my eighth birthday, I begged Mom for a pony,” I said, remembering.

“Something we have in common.” His fingers brushed against my collarbone. They were distracting.

“You wanted a pony, too?” I asked, trying to concentrate on what he was saying.

“A horse, yes. I was thirteen, and a friend of mine at the time had started riding. I thought it was very cool.” He shrugged. “After a lot of bargaining on my part, my parents bought me one for my fourteenth birthday. Xavier was the center of my world until my parents died.” He looked down at me, his eyes serious. “He was the reason I wasn’t with them when they died. I’d insisted on staying home to take care of him.” His eyes got a far off look to them as he spoke. “If I’d gone with them like they’d wanted me to, I wouldn’t be here.”

I had a sudden need to be close to him, to comfort him as he had me so many times. My arms circled his neck as I hugged him. He held on tight.

His lips brushed against my ear, placing soft kisses along my hairline. “How is it I can tell you these things when I can’t seem to talk about it with anyone else?” he mused. It came across more of an observation rather than something he was seeking the answer to, so I didn’t respond. Instead, I continued to hold him, enjoying the closeness.

Lying here in his bed together did feel different. Although we weren’t doing anything more than we usually did in his chair, lying next to him in his bed felt more intimate. Our bodies were completely entwined. His head rested on my shoulder. My arms were wrapped around his neck while his were securely around my torso. Even our legs had somehow managed to overlap.

“What happened? To the horse?”

He stiffened before letting out a long breath against my skin. “Richard and Diane sold him eventually. After... I just couldn’t look at him anymore.”

“I don’t understand,” I said, confused.

There was a long pause. I wasn’t sure he was going to answer me. Then he brought his head up and looked me in the eye. “The last time I spoke to my parents I argued with them. They wanted me to go. I wanted to stay. Xavier was the reason. Every time I looked at him, I remembered.” He trailed his hand down my cheek, my neck, until he was toying with the edge of my shirt just above my breasts. “I know I couldn’t have saved them, even if I’d been there. I just wish the last thing I’d said to my parents was that I loved them, instead of how much I loved Xavier and that I didn’t want to leave him for the week.”

I traced the lines of his face with my hands. He looked much older than he normally did. I felt like I needed to say something, to give him something like he always gave me. “Thank you... for telling me.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Oh, my love, you are one of a kind. I don’t know what I did without you.”

That warm feeling I always got around him spread and exploded in my chest. I smiled up at him.

Suddenly, I wasn’t smiling anymore as his mouth was on mine. It was slow and soft. Instead of slipping inside my mouth, his tongue licked my lips, tracing them with its tip. I moaned at the warm, wet feeling, and pressed myself closer to him. He couldn’t hide his excitement when we were this close, and it felt hard against my stomach as we kissed. It didn’t frighten me anymore, not like this.

Instead, I held tighter to him, increasing the pressure, knowing he’d like that. Suffice it to say, he did like it. A lot. He gripped my waist, trying to pull me closer as his other hand twisted in my hair. I felt surrounded in a very good way.

We kissed until we were panting, but he didn’t let me go, or stop. His lips just moved down to my neck and began sucking on the skin there just below the silver collar I wore. I felt the flesh beneath his mouth grow even warmer, but the feelings didn’t end there. There was heat between my legs, too, and that feeling I got when he touched me was starting in my belly. I held tight to his shoulders and leaned my head back, exposing my neck more to his lips, tongue, teeth. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine kissing could ever feel like this.

His hand snaked up my T-shirt until he found my bra-covered breasts. He palmed the soft weight in his hand, squeezing them gently before moving the fabric out of the way. My bare breasts seemed to be much more to his liking as he hummed and moaned against my neck and kneaded and pulled. It felt so good.

I was in somewhat of a daze when he raised his head and quickly removed both my shirt and bra. It happened so fast I might have missed it if not for the feel of the cool air hitting my skin seconds before the warmth of his body pressed against me again.

His tongue dipped into my mouth. It wasn’t quite as gentle this time. There was an edge to it which hadn’t been there earlier. I knew he was aroused; his penis was pressing against me, hard and needy. His tongue moved against mine in a way that mimicked sex.

I tried not to think about the actual sex act. He’d said we wouldn’t be going any farther tonight than what I was comfortable with, but I knew if I asked him for sex right now he wouldn’t say no—not unless I froze or panicked, or something.

When he pulled hard on my nipple, I gasped and dug my fingers into his shoulders. My body responded in ways I didn’t understand. I didn’t know how his pinching me—and that’s what he was doing—could be pleasurable, but it was. I felt that tingly warmth between my legs. That first time I felt it, it had scared me a little. I didn’t know what was going on. Now I knew, and I embraced it, letting the feelings take hold inside me.

Wanting to make him feel good, too, I reached down between us and touched him, but as soon as my fingers made contact, his hand circled my wrist and pulled me away. “No,” he said. “Tonight’s about you. I’m fine.”

I didn’t understand. He’d let me touch him before. What was different about tonight? Didn’t he want to feel good, too?

Tears must have formed in my eyes at the rejection, because suddenly his fingers were on my cheeks wiping away the moisture. “Shh. It’s okay. Don’t be upset.”

“I don’t understand. Why can’t I touch you?”

He closed his eyes and sighed. “If you touch me, Brianna, it’s going to be very difficult for me to take this to where I’d like to tonight. It feels far too good with your hand wrapped around me to think of much else, and having you in my bed is just increasing the problem to the point where anything other than the thought of being inside you makes it hard to hold onto my sanity. I promised you we would take this slow. I’m trying very hard to keep that promise.”

Oh.

I glanced down at where our bodies were touching. He sighed again. “Not helping, Brianna.” I giggled, and he groaned, pressing his forehead against mine. “Be a good girl and kiss me,” he said gruffly as his lips descended.

---