Page 55 of Need

“And your fears wouldn’t go away.”

“No,” she said. “They wouldn’t.”

I scooted closer, closing the distance separating us, and pulled her into my arms. “Thank you for telling me. I know it was hard, but I promise you if you keep trying it will get easier.” Instead of answering, her fingers tangled in my shirt, and I heard the sound of muffled sobs. “Shh. There is nothing to cry over. You did well.” Even though she nodded, it took a few minutes for her to calm down.

The rest of the morning was spent making breakfast and going over—once again—what I expected from her throughout the day. When she asked me what she was supposed to text, I smiled and kissed her temple before getting up and taking my plate to the sink. “I want you to tell me what you are doing, whatever it is.”

She looked pensive, but nodded.

I walked to the couch to retrieve my jacket, and she followed me as she always did. Gathering her in my arms, I gave her a lingering kiss on the lips while trailing my fingers over the hickey I’d left on her neck two nights ago. She’d not said anything about it and neither had I, but I couldn’t deny how much I enjoyed seeing it there just inches below my collar.

Her gaze followed my hand, and she blushed. I smiled and skimmed my fingers down her arm before stepping back toward the door. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Brianna

I couldn’t believe how fast my day went. It was hard to get involved in anything for too long because I had to stop and text him. A few times he texted me back and asked me a question, like when I said I was fixing lunch he asked what I was making. Every time I sent a text, I could feel the weight of what I’d done. Or not done.

He’d said he was disappointed in me, and if I was being honest, I was disappointed in myself as well. I had to do better. Talking wasn’t easy, but I’d do it. He’d done so much for me. I could do this for him.

As I cooked dinner for us, I finally let my mind drift back to last night and how it felt sleeping on the floor beside his bed. I couldn’t make the fear completely go away, so I’d woken up several times during the night. I’d wake, eyes wide, waiting, then my brain would kick in, I realized where I was and that it was Stephan in the bed, not Ian or one of his friends.

I couldn’t help my reaction when I saw his erection pressing against his boxers. I wonder if that added to his disappointment. He’d told me repeatedly he wouldn’t do anything unless I asked him to. Why was that so hard to accept?

As soon as I asked myself that question, I knew why. Stephan was very different from the men I’d met over the last year. Whenever I saw their physical excitement, I knew what was coming. With Stephan, he never did what I expected. He always kept me guessing.

When he walked in the door, I was still in the kitchen putting the final additions on the food I was making. I was happy he was home. Even though I was sometimes confused about my life with him, I always felt better when he was near.

He smiled when he spotted me, and walked to where I was standing. Without any words, he pulled me against him, and buried his face in my hair. “Good evening, Brianna.”

I hugged him back. He felt good, warm. I tried to remember what he’d said to me this morning... he wasn’t angry. He wasn’t angry. I needed to keep reminding myself. “Good evening,” I said, although it was muffled since my face was partially covered by his jacket.

He held onto me a few more minutes before tilting my head back and kissing me. It was soft, and I wanted it to last longer, but before I knew it, he pulled away. “Is dinner ready?”

“Yes. I just have to bring it to the table.”

“Nothing will burn for the next few minutes?”

“No.”

“Good,” he said. “I want to get this jacket and tie off before we eat.”

He turned and walked toward his bedroom. Halfway there, he paused to glance back at me expectantly, and I remembered I was supposed to stay with him at all times now that he was home.

I left the kitchen, and rushed to his side. He didn’t say anything, but I thought I might have seen a small smile tug at his lips. I liked when he smiled.

Just as he’d said, he walked into his room and removed his jacket and his tie, placing them both on a hanger. I stood by the door trying to stay out of his way since I didn’t know what exactly I was supposed to do.

He walked to the bathroom, and I debated whether or not I should follow. He stopped at the door, but didn’t turn. “Wait here,” he said, pointing to a spot just outside his bathroom door.

He left the door open, but I didn’t look. I could hear everything, though, and it brought back memories I’d rather not remember, making me shiver. Would I ever be able to see and hear simple things without panic?

Closing my eyes, I recited my mantra. Stephan. Not Ian. Stephan. Not Ian.

Slowly it began to work. I could feel the panic lessening. When he walked out of the bathroom a few minutes later, my breathing was only slightly labored, but my eyes were squeezed firmly shut and my head tilted toward the floor.

I felt him beside me, his hand cupping my face, raising my chin. I still didn’t open my eyes.

“Number?”

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