Page 60 of Truth

I moved to where I was told. The last thing I wanted to do was upset him. I’d done wrong. I would have to face the consequences.

“Look in the mirror. Look at yourself. What do you see?”

“Me?”

“What about you?”

Unsure what he wanted, I listed the obvious. “Brown hair. Blue eyes. I’m wearing your collar. A dark green shirt. Jeans...” I stopped because I had no idea what else he wanted me to say. That was it. That was all I saw. There was nothing else.

“Remove your clothes.”

I stared back at him in the mirror. The serious expression never faded.

Reaching for the hem of my shirt, I lifted it over my head, and let it drop to the floor. Quickly, I removed the rest of what I was wearing until I was completely naked.

Stephan picked up my discarded clothes and placed them on top of the large dresser in the center of the room. When he returned to stand behind me, he placed his hands on my shoulders and met my gaze in the mirror. “Now tell me what you see.”

I looked. This time I saw all of my body’s imperfections. The burn rings around my nipples. The marks on the inside of my thighs. I could even see the faint scar just above my knee where someone had taken a knife and cut me.

One by one, I relayed these things to him. With every word, I felt as if something were pressing down on my shoulders, although Stephan had removed his hands before I’d even started talking. I didn’t like looking at myself in the mirror. My scars were permanent reminders of what had happened to me. Permanent reminders that I would never be normal.

“So you don’t see a slut? A whore? A fuckhole? A bitch? A cumdump? A cunt?” I jerked as he said each word.

Closing my eyes, I began to cry.

“Open your eyes and look at yourself, Brianna.”

I didn’t want to. I didn’t.

He took my chin in his hand, holding my head still. “Open your eyes. Now.”

I did what he said, but I couldn’t see anything through my tears.

Stephan didn’t release my face as he lowered his mouth to whisper in my ear. “You are a beautiful woman, Brianna, on the inside and out. You are not any of those things. You are not a thing at all. You are a person. A person who deserves everything she wants out of life. Can you see that?”

I shook my head.

He sighed and took a step back. I could tell he was disappointed in me, but I didn’t know how to fix it.

We took our shower and climbed into his bed. Unfortunately, he didn’t try to have sex with me. He touched me like he always did, but I wanted to feel him surrounding me. I wanted him to make me stop thinking. The fact that he didn’t made me wonder if I’d done something else wrong.

“What are you thinking, sweetheart?” He must have realized I wasn’t actually reading the book I had in my hands.

“Did I do something wrong, Sir?”

Stephan brushed the hair away from my face and tilted my head up so I was looking at him. “No. Why would you think you have?”

“It’s just... earlier... you seemed so disappointed in me. And then... you haven’t... you haven’t wanted to have sex...”

“Brianna, I’m not disappointed in you exactly. I’m frustrated with the situation. More than anything, I want you to see how truly wonderful you are. It makes me angry to know not only what those men did to you physically but mentally as well. I want to help you fix it, but I’m just not sure I can—at least not quickly.”

I didn’t like the way he was talking, like he wasn’t helping me. “You do help me. So much. I just...” Glancing down, I considered how best to word what I wanted to say. “I keep hearing them. In my head. It’s not that I want to hear them. I can’t help it,” I cried.

“Shh.” He pulled me into his arms and held me tight. “I know you’re trying, Brianna. I do.”

Finally, my tears dried, but I still wasn’t willing to let him go. If I had my way, I would stay in his arms forever and never have to deal with the outside world again. I knew it wasn’t ever going to happen, but I would take what I could get.

“Brianna?”

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