Page 105 of The Rose in the Shadows

“We kill her when I’m ready!”

He wasn’t making sense. I had watched the Mark of Hyrax fade from my skin. I felt the wall build itself up and separate me from every tendril of power that had once flowed so freely through me. That power was gone now. I couldn’t reach it anymore. I didn’t want to accept that, but it was reality. What choice did I have in the matter?

“Youknowwhat you’re capable of,” he continued, voice softening. “You’ve always known.”

“I don’t!” I protested, though I wasn’t sure why.

“You did on the bridge. You did at the party.”

“I had powers!”

“You have powers now!” He yelled back. “How many times do I need to remind you that you are stronger thanallof them, Theadora? They cannot take from you that which you were born with. All this time, you have been trying to fit yourself into the role they’ve created for you, and you’ve known it isn’t where you belong!”

He was wrong.

At least, that’s what any logical person would think. Any logical person would know the effects of a power stripping. I was no different from any other Descendant who experienced one. The absence of my Descendants Mark was proof of that.

And yet… when had anything about my existence been logical?

From the day I had arrived at the Athenian castle, inexplicably, withoutanymemories, I knew I didn’t belong there. I knew I wasn’t born to sit on their Council, suffer through an arranged marriage, or bow to a king who didn’t deserve my respect. I wasn’t born to bow to a king that wasn’t nearly as powerful as I was.

And Iwasmore powerful than the Dragon.

But I’d found my place in Athenia. I’d made friends, and I didn’t want to lose that. So, I’d allowed myself to play their role. I’d allowed myself to be the princess they wanted me to be, even when all along I’d known deep down that I could be… more.

“She’s cost me too much!” Camilla screamed. “I’ve lost everything because of her. So her blood will bemypower. She will die so that I may be strong enough to take the entire fucking kingdom.”

The shadows lifted me and carried my body through the air towards her. I didn’t even have the strength to flinch as she sliced the blade across my chest. Warm blood poured over my skin, and she grinned.

“Let’s say I believe you,” I granted him. “I tried using my power, and it didn’t work. So how am I supposed to access my magic if it doesn’t want to work?”

He laughed. “What is it that trainer of yours used to say?”

I froze.Of course.

All magic is tied to emotion.

This wasn’t the first time my magic had sat dormant and out of reach. This wasn’t the first time I couldn’t feel its electricity.

“What are you feeling right now, Theadora?”

“I’m afraid,” I whispered, from where my body lay as a bloody lump on the ground. I was in my body, and yet I was somewhere else. Awake, and not. Here and there.

Iwas afraid, that much was certain. I didn’t want to die, and I feared what awaited me on the other side of the veil. Would Hyrax forgive me for failing to resurrect our House? I feared how Clay would react when he found my room empty. I feared that Iris would hate me even more than she already did when she realized I had died anyway, and all of this had been for nothing.

I was afraid of it all.

The memory of Ryla’s blade flying through the air was sudden and sharp. Fear wasn’t enough to trigger my powers. It never had been.

I needed another emotion. An emotion too complicated to replicate unless I authentically felt it.

In my mind, I pictured Clay’s hands on mine. I pictured him extending a rose and telling me to move it. He’d identified my emotional trigger that night, and I’d grown so accustomed to how easily magic came to me that I’d somehow forgot I needed to allow myself to feel that emotion.

It wasn’t enough to be afraid.

It wasn’t enough to be determined.

I needed an unwillingness to succumb to my fears.

---