Page 84 of The Rose in the Shadows

And yet, I hadfeltit. I was sure of it.

“Did you feel that?” I whispered.

“Feel what?”

It made little sense that I would have been able to feel the bidents power. Clayton had just told me that only Hyrax himself could use that weapon. I doubted the God was able to lash out with it from the Underworld.

So it must have been… me.

It must have been my own magic.

That was the only option.

I had pushed Clay away, because somewhere in my subconscious, I must have actually believed in my nightmares. Maybe my blood was truly unwilling to accept him.

A son of Zion will never love the daughter of Hyrax.

Clay’s hands wrapped around my shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze. “Thea, what’s wrong?”

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” I breathed, finally, after a moment of silence.

I turned from the bident suddenly, unable to look at it anymore. I couldn’t beat the sight of it, not when it reminded me so clearly that I couldn’t have the person I wanted. Not now, not ever.

“Did I do something wrong?” He questioned, eyes wide and cheeks still flushed from the moment.

His expression nearly broke my resolve right there. This was Clay at his most vulnerable. This was the version of him that so few people had been allowed to see.

And I had just pushed him away.

He had been so gentle at first. He had tried to prepare himself for my rejection and I had encouraged him to continue, only to push him away after all. Gods, what must he be thinking of me?

For a moment, it took all of my self-control not to run back into his arms like I wanted to deep down, but I steeled myself and did what I’d seen him do so many times. I put on a mask. I became who I needed to be at that moment: Lady Theodora Moore of House Hyrax.

“This is wrong for several reasons,” I reminded him, voice hard. “Thank you for bringing me here. It was kind. But it’s not… proper for us to be here alone. And as I’m sure you have many responsibilities to attend to, perhaps we should return to the castle.”

He flinched as if I had physically slapped him, which I might as well have for how harsh I sounded.

“Since when have you ever cared about what’s proper?” He frowned, his expression betraying his feelings. I couldn’t care about his hurt feelings, though. Not when my own sadness was threatening to drown me.

“Since when have you stopped reminding me I should?” I spit back.

He flinched once more, and I watched as he hardened, as the emotions drained from his eyes until all that was left was steely indifference. My heart ached, a sensation so palpable it came with an actual physical pain. I suspected that would be the last time Clayton Vail let down his walls for me. I had just lost him, and that knowledge cut me deeper than I ever expected it would.

In just a few moments, I had experienced the most intense joy and the most crushing heartbreak. I had no one to blame for that but myself.

He straightened, closing the book and returning it to the shelf swiftly.

“Very well, Miss Moore. Let us not waste any more time.”

I led the way out of the house silently, through the dark halls and sweeping doors that had felt like home only moments ago. Now, they just felt cold. Or I felt cold. I wasn’t sure I knew the difference at that moment.

He followed me and helped me onto Netta but averted his gaze completely, even when I couldn’t help but seek his eyes. We were silent as we rode back to the castle stables. There were no races or jokes between us now. Now there was a divide I wasn’t sure we could ever recover from. He stayed a few paces ahead of me until we arrived. As grey clouds began rolling in to ruin the otherwise beautiful day, I wondered if the Gods had been watching us. Had their moods soured, too?

Dimitri was there waiting for us with the rest of my guard, and he helped me off Netta silently, shooting curious glances between Clay and I. The prince ordered that I be returned to my room, and Dimitri only nodded. And then he was off. Clay set a brisk pace back towards the castle, and I knew that was the last I would see of him for a long time.

And that didn’t sit right with me.

My legs were moving before I realized it, running after him. Some part of me heard the guards attempting to grab me, only to have Dimitri grasp onto them to provide me this moment. This one moment where I could allow myself to regret the words I’d said to him. I reached for Clay, pulling his arm to stop him.

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