Page 97 of The Key to My Heart

We stand and chat for a while, but all the time, I’m subtly looking for Tom, who must be lost at sea in this tsunami of people. How must he feel, knowing everyone is here, especially for him? Then the crowds part, and I see a photo – a breath-taking, beautiful, black-and-white portrait of a little girl, smiling.

‘Shauna, I’m going to look at the photos,’ I say. ‘If you see Tom, can you tell him I’m here. Somewhere …’

Shauna smiles warmly. ‘You go. But make sure you see every single one. You must.’

I squash my way through the crowd, and join a sort of unofficial queue of people who stand, staring, enrapt at a photo on the wall. They’re numbered, and this is number one.

‘Exceptional,’ says someone behind me, and I want to turn around, say Tom did these. Tom Madden. Yep. Isn’t he clever? Isn’t he a genius? The Jesus Christ of photography, don’t you know?

And as the crowd moves on, it’s just me and the first photograph. It’s a black-and-white shot, of an old man’s face, deep-lined, smiling, tears at the edges of his eyes. I feel like I could cry looking at it. He’s beautiful. He looks so beautiful and happy and moved. And so am I: moved.

I walk slowly along, two, three, and they are allsobeautiful. Their faces, all frozen in time. Smiling, crying, grinning, angling their phones, taking pictures. There’s one of two people dancing, holding on for dear life, their heads tipped right back in frozen laughter. I’m smiling. From ear to ear, I’m smiling. I feel everything looking at these photos. Like the people in these stunning portraits show everything on their faces. Joy, pain, awe …

Tom did this.Tom did this.

Then I see him. Tom. My Tom. My Thomas Button.

And God, he looks beautiful. So beautiful that if this were a cartoon, my jaw would be on the floor and I’d be trying to gather it up, like a busted-open handbag before everyone noticed.

I’m so relieved when he sees me, and his gorgeous face smiles, slowly. I’ve missed him. I’ve hated thinking he was disappointed in me, or angry with me. But here heis. Smiling at me. I had no idea what to expect tonight, whether it would be all friendly, civil ‘hiya, Natalie’s or normal, cocky Tom, with his ‘Yo, Foxes, this is Gigi, yeah, we’re shagging ’round the clock, thought we may as well.’ But the way he smiles at me – it’s like he’s as relieved as I feel. Like he has waited all night just to see me, like I have him.

Tom doesn’t say hello. Just addresses me, ‘Foxes,’ as he closes the gap in the room between us.

‘Thomas,’ I say, and that gorgeous smell of his practically knocks me off my feet.

Tom takes my arm gently. ‘Shall we – it’s a bit busy.’

‘Busy?’ I say as we meander through the crowds to a free space, right by the entrance, in front of two teal-blue double doors. ‘This isn’t just busy, Tom, this is –wild. All of these people are here for you. This place is practically bursting at the seams with them. And all for you.’

‘I know. What’s wrong with them?’ He laughs. ‘They need to get a life.’

I laugh and, for a second, we just look at each other. Then wordlessly, I wrap my arms around him. Tom says nothing, but slides his warm, muscular arms around my waist and holds me. A silent understanding between us both. A sorry from me. AnI forgive you, from Tom. And being so close to him, his warm, strong body, pressed into mine, turns my legs to jelly. I meant what I said to Joe. I’m falling. I am definitely, without doubt, falling. And fast.

‘Do you like them?’ he asks softly in my ear, and the hairs on the back of my neck prick up.

‘The photos?’ I look up at him. ‘Tom, they’re … God, I’m going to cry.’

Tom smiles slowly. ‘Don’t do that,’ he says.

‘Seriously. They’re – they’re incredible. Beyond. I don’t even have the words. But … I felt everything looking at them. Literally, everything. The one of the old man. I’ve never seen something so – so beautiful.’

Tom releases me slowly, his eyes darkening. ‘I have,’ he says softly, and butterflies break free in my stomach.

‘And I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I’m so sorry.’

Tom shakes his head. ‘I’m sorry too,’ he says. ‘I shouldn’t have said the things I said but—’

‘I understand,’ I say. ‘And I should have told you, but I was scared and … It was—’

‘Love and crocodiles. I get it.’ Tom smiles down at me gently. ‘God, have I mentioned how beautiful you look?’

‘No,’ I grin. ‘But I’m listening …’

Tom laughs. ‘Well, you do. Like –fuck.Off the scale.’

Goosebumps tingle across my skin. ‘And so are you,’ I say. ‘Total M&S billboard levels.’

‘Ah, well, you know me. Colin the Caterpillar,’ he says, and I burst out laughing.

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