Page 64 of The Key to My Heart

‘Thank you!’ I say over the music.

‘I just bumped …’ The rest of his words are lost in the cheers, drowned out.

‘What?’

‘I just bumped into someone.’

‘Oh!Wow.’

He nods, then gives a lopsided grin that I can’t really read. Half giddiness, half – awkwardness? ‘We used to date.’

‘Oh.Double wow!’Whyoh why am I talking like a children’s TV presenter?

And then the band strikes up, and both the room and my head is so full of music. I turn to the stage, and just as the lights go up again, I’m sure I see him –Tom.At the front, but right on the edge, standing away from the crowd, holding a drink to his chest, his eyes fixed on the stage. Then we’re plunged into darkness. The leading man sings the first note.

My brain is scattered. Like someone just drove a box of cartoon TNT into my mind and set it off. I’m … all over the place. That’s the expression, isn’t it? Like when my nephew Nick, was six, and he spent Christmas day crying under the dining table. ‘He can’t believe the presents he asked for actually exist, and are now his,’Jodie had said, ‘and he’s also sad it’ll be over by the morning. He’s all over the place. He’s north, south, east and west, all at once.’

And that’s where I am, standing here, on the sticky venue’s floor.

I may not have known a single song of Char and the Heart’s, but I feel totally exhilarated and overwhelmed. In a good way – blood rushing with lightning bolts.Alive.Like something inside, ignited.

But I feel sad, too. And I can’t quite put my finger on that bit just yet. Just that I feel it, slowly moving through my body, like syrup.

‘I can’t hear anything,’ laughs Joe, obliviously beside me. ‘Seriously, my ears are … totally shot, and I’m totally not going to reveal my inner OAP and say anything about it being maybe too loud, but I’m notnotgoing to say it either. Did you enjoy it?’

‘I did!’ I say. ‘Thank you. Good call on tonight.’

‘Yeah, I’m very glad there’s no need for us to drown ourselves in alcohol to forget.’ Joe smiles. ‘And feeling inspired?’

And I force out a ‘Definitely!’ because I’m not sure I can say ‘Er, I’m a bit north, south, east and west actually, mate,’ to handsome Joe in a packed music venue, surrounded by exhilarated, excited faces.

Joe puts an arm around me then, squeezing my shoulder gently in his warm hand. ‘Glad to hear it,’ he says, ‘I hoped you would,’ and I stand, rigid, like a concrete statue, beside him. I used to be so good at this – and now I feel awkward with it. Like a ten-year-oldwith a first crush, who has no idea what to do with it, where to box it to understand it.

Crush.Isthat what he is? What is it Tom said? That it’s nice to like someone, to imagine what it might be like to get to know them, be close to them. I am close to Joe. And I am … completely made of stone under his arm, apparently. I doubt that’s what Tom meant.

God.Tom.I can’t believe Tom is actually here somewhere. But it makes sense. Char and the Heart are the band he must’ve photographed the other week. Heartt, with two Ts, the one who was intent on ‘bringing back the noughties’ inviting him to their show.

‘Joey!’

It’s her – the girl with the blonde waves and lips, and she’s squeezing her way through the crowd, a huge glittering smile on her face. She arrives in front of us in a puff of sweet perfume.

‘Hey,’ Joe says, releasing me, and she slides her arms around his neck.

‘Thought you’d left without saying goodbye,’ she says, giggling.

‘Not quite,’ Joe replies, drawing back. ‘This is my friend Natalie.’

‘You said! Hi, Natalie!’ She’s actually beaming, this girl. Like a pumpkin who’s swallowed a tea light. ‘I’m Hollie?’

‘Nice to meet you.’

‘Same!’ She beams again, and turns to Joe, taking his arm. ‘I seriously can’t believe you took my rec. You never trust my recs.’ Ah.The girl at work. Apparently also the girl he dated.

Joe laughs. ‘Yeah, well—’

‘How did you find it?’ she asks me.

‘Oh.Yeah. Really good.’

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