Page 83 of The Fallback

‘That was one of the reasons that I looked you up,’ Connor was saying.

‘Excuse me?’ Rosie replied. ‘Looked me up? I thought you came across me by accident? You know, fate?’

Connor waved his hands as if her question was an irrelevance. ‘Yes, yes, what I meant was that was one of the reasons I was keen to see you again. To see if you still had the same level of disdain for tradition that we always shared.’

Rosie’s confusion only increased. Had she been so disdainful? She remembered her and Connor having long, philosophical discussions about the institution of marriage. Perhaps she had even said she didn’t believe in it back then, she couldn’t recall, itwasa long time ago and theywereonly at university. But she didn’t remember being as cynical as Connor was making her out to be.

‘I don’t remember being so sure of my future back when I was twenty-one,’ she said tactfully.

She looked over Connor’s shoulder as she said this and became sharply aware that Mitch was watching her. How long he had been doing so she didn’t know, but he quickly looked down at his drink when she caught his eye.

Connor laughed at her reply. ‘Yes well, quite,’ he said, ‘we were kids then, weren’t we?’

Rosie wasn’t really sure what he was getting at. The evening was taking an unexpected turn. Connor was not the person she had recalled and Mitch’s arrival had thrown her composure completely.

‘But you must be planning to be back in London for a while if you’ve signed up to dating apps?’ she asked.

‘Actually I have them in most of the countries I spend any time in,’ Connor said.

‘What?’ she asked incredulously. ‘Firstly that must be incredibly time-consuming; and secondly, what’s the point if you’re only around for a brief period of time?’

Connor raised his eyebrow at her. He probably thought he was being mysterious, she thought and she was quickly growing weary of him.

‘Are you really asking me why I’m on them?’ he joked. ‘I disable them when I’m out of the country and reactivate them when I get in. So they don’t distract me.’ He sounded so smug. Rosie wanted to punch him.

‘I don’t understand?’ she said, her tone hardening. ‘Aren’t there apps for random hookups? Why aren’t you on those?’

‘Because, Rosie,’ he said condescendingly, ‘there is a certain type of girl who goes on those apps and they’re not the kind of girl I’m interested in.’

Rosie felt a furious flush creep up her neck, and this time not because Connor was making her blush, this was a flush born out of pure fury. ‘You mean the female equivalent of you? Girls who are interested in one-night stands?’ she challenged him. ‘And before you start,’ she continued, ‘this is not some moral judgement on my part, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, but what I am saying is that it seems morally dubious to be using these apps under false pretences. Pretending to be interested in a relationship when you’re just interested in sex.’

She practically spat the final word. She was aware that their conversation was becoming more heated and it was drawing attention. She knew Mitch was watching her again and something about the chivalry he had displayed to her earlier on in the evening, compared to the cavalier attitude of Connor, fired her up even more.

‘Oh, come off it, Rosie,’ protested Connor. ‘It’s not like I’m tricking girls. I tell them I’m not in town for long and not interested in a long-term relationship.’

‘Do you tell them this before or after you sleep with them?’ she challenged. ‘Because there is a big difference, Connor.’ Her eyes flashed with anger. Connor merely smiled; it was no different to his usual smile but now it made him look sleazy.

‘I get it,’ he said at last.

‘Get what?’ she snapped back.

‘I thought you wouldn’t have changed, but I guess you have. It seems to happen to mostgirls.’

‘Please don’t patronise me by calling me a girl. I’m a grown woman Connor.’

‘Sorry,’ he held his hands up, ‘I didn’t mean to offend. But that’s what I’m talking about. Mostwomen,’ he said with emphasis, ‘pretend that they’re anti-establishment, not interested in settling down and getting married and having babies. But as soon as they hit thirty and their friends start doing it, they can’t trap you into it fast enough. I’ve had it happen so many times,’ he said somewhat sadly.

‘Excuse me?’ Rosie said, now practically incandescent with rage. ‘You think women trick you? Don’t you think you’re the one tricking them into sleeping with you? And why is it not OK to change your mind? Why are we supposed to want and feel the same things in our thirties that we wanted at twenty? It’s called growing up, Connor, maturing, which is something you obviously haven’t yet done.’

It was as if a mask had fallen from his face. The Connor she had known was indeed the same one as the person sat in front of her now. But what had seemed charming and alternative when she was younger was now sad and bitter and downright misogynistic.

Maybe he had always been like this but she had been too young and naïve to recognise it? And as the mask slipped, so it felt too that a curtain had fallen from her memory. For too long she had thought of Connor as the one who had got away, the person who might have saved her from falling in love with Mitch. But she now saw that this simply wasn’t the case.

Yes, it was inspiring that he had been passionate about his job and the move to America but she now realised that not for one moment had he considered that their relationship might have been worth fighting for. That they could have made it work if he had been a little less interested in himself and a little more interested in her. And that had the job offer in America not come up, then their relationship would have floundered anyway as she discovered what kind of man he really was. She would have met Mitch at work and perhaps he would have been the one to have made her realise the idiot that Connor was. Maybe it would have been Mitch all along anyway.

Movement caught her eye. Mitch had stood up and was saying something to his friends. One of them caught his arm as if to stop Mitch from leaving, but Mitch shook his head and picked his jacket up. The others quickly started doing the same, finishing drinks and picking up bags. Rosie watched them move towards the door as a group.

Before she could second guess herself, she hopped down from her bar stool. ‘Excuse me,’ she said to Connor, grabbed her purse and turned to follow them.

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