Page 79 of The Fallback

Still, her heart was in her mouth when she walked into the coffee shop the following morning. She was dying to ask all those questions about what his life had been like since they had last seen each other, in tears, in an airport departure hall. Just thinking about that day made her emotional. But first she needed to get through ordering a coffee and drinking some of it, and presumably making polite small talk for a few minutes as well. These weren’t the kind of questions one could launch straight into.

The window of the coffee shop was misted up. It had been cold overnight, and frost had settled in small patches on the ground. Rosie hadn’t been able to look inside and see if she could catch a glimpse of Connor before she walked in. Inside it was busy, the combination of hot coffee and chattering commuters adding to the misted windows. But as soon as she walked in she saw him, stood at the far end of the coffee counter, evidently waiting for her before he placed his order. He had his back to her but even after all these years she recognised his slim frame. She had spent the previous twenty-four hours wondering how he had changed physically. There wasn’t much to go on in his profile, just a head shot which she recognised from a time she had accidentally caught site of his byline on a news story before speedily closing the tab.

Rosie gave herself a moment to compose herself and observe him. He looked at ease, comfortably leaning against the counter studying his phone. She didn’t get long – something caught his eye and he looked up, spotting her moments later in the doorway. His face broke into a smile and he walked towards her, his arms open wide in order to hug her. Rosie felt her breath catch in her throat as his arms encircled her. The years seemed to drop away and they could have been those young graduates, enjoying those halcyon summer days before the reality of working all hours for the man had kicked in.

‘You haven’t changed a bit!’ he said as he led her back to where he had been standing in line.

‘Neither have you!’ she replied, although now, close up, she could see those years marked in various places. His eyes were slightly more hooded than they had been when she had last seen him. The smile lines around them that she had loved were more clearly defined. His hair was shorter, and he had a sprinkling of grey at his temples. But none of this detracted from his classic good looks, and anyway, the accepted response to his comment was to demur and say likewise. Unused as she was to meeting up with ex-boyfriends, Rosie recognised that commenting on ageing would have made things awkward and weird. And maybe he was noticing changes about her, too. But whatever he saw, it wasn’t stopping the smile he had pasted on his face since she had walked in.

‘What can I get you?’ he asked as they found themselves at the front of the queue. While Rosie wavered between tea and coffee, eventually settling on coffee, Connor turned to the barista and said, ‘This is the girl who broke my heart; we haven’t seen each other in years.’

‘Name?’ asked the barista, who couldn’t have looked less interested in their reunion. Connor gallantly waved away Rosie’s attempts at paying.

‘He was friendly,’ Connor said as they stood and waited for their coffees.

Rosie looked at him and laughed, ‘Well, you probably embarrassed him.’

‘How?’ He looked at her in surprise.

‘Telling him that I broke your heart!’ she said, she felt a blush creeping up her chest as she said it. ‘And anyway, it’s not true.’

‘Totally is,’ he said, picking their coffees up and ushering her to a free table in the window.

Rosie smiled to herself; this was the Connor she remembered, magnanimous and charming. And with a journalist’s ability to completely rewrite history.

‘It’s really great to see you,’ he said pulling out a chair for her to sit on. ‘I’m glad you didn’t think a message from me was too strange.’ He sat down opposite her. ‘I couldn’t believe it when I saw your profile. I thought it must be some mistake because I couldn’t believe you’d be single. Youaresingle, aren’t you?’ he said, leaning forward across the table as if to check. He picked up her left hand and studied it carefully to check for the indentation of a hastily removed ring.

Rosie laughed and tried not to be too flattered by Connor’s irreverent charm. But it was hard not to be. With everything else going on in her life right now, Connor lavishing attention on her was pretty difficult to resist.

‘Well,’ he continued, putting her hand down, ‘even if you’re not, I’m glad you agreed to meet me.’ He took a sip of his coffee and grimaced.

‘Not good?’ she asked, pleased to be able to move the subject away from her love life.

‘I guess when you’ve drunk coffee in some of the places where they actually grow the beans it sort of ruins it when you drink it anywhere else.’

Rosie had so many questions, like when was the last time he was in a coffee-growing region? Where? Surely he had had to endure many cafe chain coffees as a journalist, and were they really that bad? And finally, did he realise that he came across as just a tiny bit pompous? But she kept those questions to herself, and generously decided that he was perhaps nervous and showing off.

‘I was surprised to see your name, definitely,’ Rosie replied, choosing not to engage him in any more coffee-drinking posturing. ‘But I didn’t think it was strange to get your message. I liked it.’ She bit back a smile.

‘Surprised?’ he asked. ‘Why?’

‘Oh, just surprised you were back in London. And I guess I didn’t think dating apps would be your thing.’

Connor laughed. ‘Well as I said in my message, they’re not, but my friends persuaded me to give them a try and I’m glad I did. I’m also glad that you haven’t changed, Rosie, still asking incisive questions.’

Rosie frowned and turned to look out of the window, which was still as misted up as it had been when she had entered. Did she ask incisive questions? Sometimes she felt like she didn’t ask enough questions, but maybe Connor remembered a different side to her, a more confident side. One that hadn’t been beaten down by London dating and heartbreak over the years. Maybe he brought out her best side.

‘Now, tell me why,’ Rosie turned to look back at Connor as he spoke. ‘Tell me why it’s so strange thatIshould be on a dating app?’ he asked, the sound of amusement clear in his voice.

Rosie considered this. She watched his face which she had once known so well, she heard the carefully combative tone which she recalled him using often, always managing to fall on the right side of what was considered polite. She didn’t want to confess to him that she had built him up in her mind to be a mythical creature, the kind of person who couldn’t exist in real-life London, and who certainly wouldn’t be found dead on a dating app.

Instead she shrugged and said, ‘Honestly? I thought you’d find it soulless.’

‘Interesting.’ He took another drink and this time he didn’t pull a face. ‘Although I would have said exactly the same about you.’

Rosie looked at him curiously. ‘Really?’ she asked.

‘Really’ he insisted. ‘You were always so vibrant, so in tune with people. I couldn’t imagine you needing dating apps to meet someone. Everyone always loved you. At least I always did.’

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