Page 23 of The Fallback

Mitch busied himself in the kitchen; he unpacked the chicken that he had been instructed to bring and got the things out of Rosie’s cupboards that he needed. Rosie felt slightly uncomfortable at how at home he was in her flat. When they’d lived together, this was normal, they would cook for each other all the time, chatting about stuff, discussing Mitch’s dreams and ambitions while Rosie kept hers to herself, always worried she might get caught giving her feelings away. But tonight felt awkward, beyond awkward, fingernails down a chalkboard uncomfortable.

‘I’m going to get my laptop out,’ she said loudly, in the hope that by shouting something, she might dissipate all the feelings she was feeling, ‘and get on with my reading.’ She made a show of noisily setting out her computer on the kitchen table and plugging the cable in.

‘Sure, fine. I’ll let you know when it’s ready.’ Mitch seemed totally oblivious to any of the awkwardness as he hummed to himself as he cooked.

* * *

‘That was great, Mitch, thanks, I couldn’t eat another thing, though.’ She shook her head as he offered her more risotto.

He beamed at her putting the pan back on the hob, ‘See? Itwasworth having me over. You’ve eaten, you’ve read and now we can chat.’ He leaned over to pick his wine glass up from the table and raised it to her.

Rosie was wondering if she could get away with claiming she needed an early night. She surreptitiously glanced at her watch, it was only 9pm. Mitch would know something was up if she made him leave now.

She braced herself. ‘OK, then, let’s chat, I’m guessing you want to discuss your proposal?’ she asked.

Mitch suddenly looked excited as he pulled his chair out to sit down. ‘Are you ready to?’ he leaned forward in anticipation. ‘I don’t want to put any pressure on you.’

Rosie scowled at him. ‘I think telling me that I need to find a boyfriend before Christmas or have a baby with you amounts to pressure, don’t you?’ She arched her eyebrow.

Mitch waved his hand dismissively at her. ‘I meant, put pressure on you to discuss terms before you were ready,’ he said blithely, completely missing the point. Rosie felt frustrated that he didn’t for one moment think that she might say no: no completely, no to the whole damn thing.

‘So how do you see this working, exactly?’ This came out more aggressively than she had intended.

Mitch grinned, his dimple flashing, ‘It’s quite simple: we both agree that we will do our best to bring someone we’re serious about—’ he gave her a meaningful look as he said this, ‘—to the Christmas party. And if that doesn’t happen then we start to look into the options for having a baby together. Because…’ He hesitated. ‘I guess it takes some planning and research if you’re not going to do it the…’ He looked awkward and then went a little red ‘…the usual way.’

For someone so governed by romance Mitch was remarkably prudish. Rosie smiled, despite herself. ‘You don’t think the old-fashioned way would work?’ she teased before noticing a peculiar look cross his face.

‘No!’ he spluttered, then took a long drink of water as his face went redder and redder. ‘I mean, no offence, Rosie, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.’ She wasn’t sure what she had expected when she had said this. Mitch to declare his undying love? To tell her that actually, yes, that was a great idea and they should just get down to it. She couldn’t really be disappointed, but it still hurt, to be told point-blank that he was definitely not interested, not even to make the baby he so desperately wanted.

The Christmas party Mitch referred to was a thing of legend. Rosie’s boss Rachel had been holding it for years, for far longer than either Mitch or Rosie had been on the invite list. Its current venue was in Rachel’s beautiful north London townhouse (which went to prove that you could make some money out of a career in science, something that Rosie kept telling herself any time she felt disheartened by the remuneration of academia). But there were rumours that Rachel had been holding the party ever since she’d lived in a bedsit in Hackney, before Hackney became cool and completely unaffordable.

Every year there was a theme; they still talked about the year it was circus-themed. Rosie had never quite worked out whether Rachel had paid the performers to be there or whether she just had very creative and talented friends. And speaking of friends, everyone was encouraged if not ordered to bring friends which was why Mitch still got an invitation and why it was such a landmark in their social calendar.

It was also luxuriously decadent and fun. Everyone would drink too much and say too much, plan their Christmas holidays and discuss their resolutions for the new year. And every year Rosie would have two resolutions – one she would share with the group and then a private one, which so far she had failed at each and every year: to fall out of love with Mitch. So, in a way, it was rather fitting that this would be the pinnacle of their challenge.

Rosie watched Mitch closely. ‘Are you really sure about this baby thing?’ she asked.

‘Yes!’ exclaimed Mitch. ‘I’ve always,alwayswanted children.’

A little bitterly, Rosie thought that it might be nice if he had clocked her ambivalence on the subject. Or at least checked with her first.

‘I meant,’ she started, ‘are you sure about it withme?’

Mitch looked puzzled for a minute. ‘Rosie, you’re my best friend. I’ve known you for years.’ He stared earnestly at her. ‘I can’t imagine anyone better to do this with.’

Rosie felt her heartstrings tug, were there tears prickling her eyes?!

‘I mean,’ continued Mitch, ‘if I don’t meet anyone truly hot between now and then!’ he grinned at her.

Rosie felt her heart shrink back to its usual size, the tears instantaneously drying up. For a second there she had allowed herself to imagine what it would be like to be the centre of Mitch’s world, not just as his friend but as the mother of his child. And then the mirage was rudely snatched away by the hand of a faceless yet irresistibly attractive woman. Was Rosie ready for this new and improved level of heartache?

Mitch didn’t seem to notice the rollercoaster of emotions Rosie was suffering, ‘So what do you think?’ he said, raising his stupidly shapely eyebrow at her. ‘Are you in?’

Rosie hesitated, refusing to engage in feelings of jealousy towards Mitch’s eyebrows, and then, deciding that as they weren’t at the actual insemination stage quite yet, she could always back out, ‘Yes. OK. I’m in.’

Completely unethical.

Mitch’s absurdly handsome face broke into a smile and he was across Rosie’s kitchen in a flash. Rosie allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of being swept up into Mitch’s arms, her face pressed against his broad chest, ‘Rosie, you’re the best! You’ve made me so happy.’ His voice rumbled through her head, right down her body and to parts of her that Mitch couldn’t ever know that he reached. And for a second, she allowed herself to relax and pretend that all of this could work out just fine.

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