Page 15 of The Fallback

‘But…’ she started. ‘What do you mean permanent? What about London?’ What she really meant was what aboutus?

‘I’ll be shadowing the team covering American politics, learning the ropes, it’s a huge opportunity,’ he said, ignoring Rosie’s question and instead explaining the magnitude of this job offer to his girlfriend who had planned her entire post-university life around him.

Rosie nodded dumbly, staring down at the picnic blanket and willing the tears not to fall on it. Of course she understood; this was momentous, the job of a lifetime, but it was also a job that was breaking her heart.

‘I’m sure they’ll fly me back, from time to time,’ he said eagerly.

Rosie looked up at him, her large eyes wet with tears. ‘Did you ask them?’

‘Ask them what?’

‘About flying you back? About how often they would do it?’

‘Well, no,’ Connor faltered.

And at that moment Rosie knew, she knew she wasn’t going to move in with Connor, that their twenties weren’t going to be spent together in London. That all her visions of the future were going to be a little off kilter, not quite what she had imagined. And that the restless soul of Connor was never going to be satisfied if he didn’t take the job. That she couldn’t be enough to make up for it if he stayed here. And that she couldn’t and wouldn’t be responsible for crushing his dreams.

‘We can make it work, though?’ he asked. ‘Can’t we, Rosie?’

* * *

After their emotional farewell at Heathrow, Rosie had done the only thing her logical brain would allow her to do: cut off all contact with Connor and let her bruised heart heal. In time, she told herself, it would never have worked once they both faced the realities of working life; they were just too different.

But every so often, she allowed herself to daydream an alternate reality. One where she hadn’t had to go looking for somewhere to stay in London, one where she and Connor had moved in together and started their adult lives at the end of that summer. One where she had never moved in with Mitch, perhaps they were friends from having briefly worked together, but he certainly wasn’t the central figure in her life that he had become.

Over the years she had caught fleeting references through mutual friends as to what Connor was up to. It seemed that so far, he had never made it back to the UK, he had moved from assignment to assignment in various places around the globe. She never dug deep enough to find out whether he was married or with someone and she stalwartly refused to have anything to do with him on social media.

NOW

The late afternoon sunshine caught Rosie’s eyes and she blinked, realising Jasmine was watching her waiting for a response. Had she just zoned out in a Connor daydream? It had been a long time since she had allowed that to happen.

‘You know I’m only joking about your marriage.’ Rosie smiled at Jasmine. ‘I am eternally grateful that you ensnared my brother and brought the two of us together.’ Jasmine glared at her. ‘But it is true,’ Rosie continued, ‘that you’ve never had to dabble your toes into the murky underworld of online dating. It’s just so soulless.’

Jasmine had picked up her vegetable knife again and pointed it at Rosie, ‘Never say never,’ she said with force. ‘When Chris trades me in for the young office graduate, I’ll be right behind you on all the apps.’ Rosie rolled her eyes, safe in the knowledge that Chris was far too sensible to trade Jasmine in. Or perhaps scared was the correct term, she thought, eyeballing the vegetable knife.

‘OK, well until that time comes you can put swiping left or right from your mind,’ Rosie replied. ‘I, however, need to throw myself into this unless I want to end up co-parenting with Mitch.’

Jasmine grinned cheekily at her. ‘So, what’s your game plan? Got any new apps to try?’

Rosie sighed. ‘I guess I should see if there are any new ones to sign up to, although I’m not sure I can see the point. It’s amazing how often you come across the same person on several sites.’ She paused. ‘Did I tell you about the guy who messaged me on eHarmony and told me he thought we would be perfect together, only to ghost me when I messaged back to tell him that we had been on a date the previous week and he had impolitely told me that I was most definitely not his type?’

Jasmine laughed, ‘OK, yeah, I can see you need to be made of stern stuff.’

‘No kidding,’ replied Rosie. ‘It’s a jungle out there. You can’t take anything personally or you’d spend most of your life curled up in a ball crying.’

Jasmine turned to open the fridge door, leaving it open long enough for Rosie to wonder just how much Jasmine and Chris earned that they had not one bottle of champagne chilling in the fridge but a whole shelf of bottles. And then she felt churlish because she knew she would be offered a glass later.

‘I was reading about a dating app the other day,’ Jasmine said, her head buried inside the ice box.

‘Oh, right, anything good?’ Rosie asked, feigning interest.

‘It was supposedly a feminist app, women make the first move.’

‘That’s Bumble.’ Rosie laughed. ‘So feminist. Because prior to that we were all just sat on our arses waiting for our knights in shining armour to arrive!’

Jasmine laughed loudly. ‘That’s more like it! Let’s smash the patriarchy one dating app at a time.’

‘Yeah, except it presupposes that the woman finds a match she likes.’ Rosie paused. ‘I guess Iwouldlike to meet someone like-minded though…’ she said wistfully, staring into the middle distance past the art-deco pendants which hung over the island. ‘Someone who likes reading, food, living in London, hanging out with friends. Maybe another scientist?’ she said hopefully.

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