Page 13 of The Fallback

Jasmine needed no help with this. Jasmine needed very little help with anything. What she needed was for Rosie to sit and have a glass of wine at the island while Jasmine prepped vegetables for the gourmet meal she would effortlessly throw together later. Currently, Rosie was wishing she could crawl back to the space she had recently been occupying in between her nephews and pretend she had never brought this subject up.

‘What did you say?’ demanded Jasmine, menacingly pointing the knife she was holding at Rosie.

‘Well, to be honest, I didn’t say much.’ Jasmine’s aggressive reaction was not the one Rosie had been hoping for. ‘It sort of took me by surprise and well, we were in a restaurant, so it was hard to know quite what to say.’

‘What?’ exploded Jasmine. ‘Your best friend propositions you about getting you knocked up and you didn’t “know quite what to say”?’

Rosie couldn’t work out whether Jasmine was merely perplexed or completely apoplectic. Jasmine was always forthright with her opinions but Rosie really hadn’t expected this level of reaction.

‘Erm, well I’m sure we will talk about it more fully next time we meet,’ Rosie cringed. Just hearing herself say this, she wanted to give herself a slap. No wonder Jasmine was so enraged.

‘But you told him no, right?’ Again the knife pointed perilously close to Rosie’s face. ‘I mean you told him to mind his own business and to stop interfering in both your love life and your decision as to whether or not you want kids?’

Rosie wished she had Jasmine’s confidence and commitment to her beliefs. Secretly, she wondered whether it was easy to be that confident and committed when you had met and married the love of your life, had two children with them and still had a successful career as a lawyer. All while maintaining the slender figure Jasmine had had since Rosie first knew her. And that elusive art of making anything she wore look chic and expensive.

But this was not a popular opinion and was certainly not one Rosie would ever dare to voice. Especially not the part about the figure and the clothes. Jasmine would frown upon the frivolity of caring about that, not to mention the role that the patriarchy played in putting such pressure on women.

And anyway, Rosie was terrified of Jasmine and mostly just grateful that Jasmine was her friend and was always on her side. Plus, the easy access that she had to Jasmine’s wardrobe. Because while they weren’texactlythe same size, Rosie could certainly make use of some of Jasmine’s looser tops. Trousers were a different matter; Rosie was tall yes, but her legs did eventually stop whereas Jasmine’s seemed to go on forever. Rosie had never successfully borrowed a pair of Jasmine’s trousers, she found herself thinking sadly, and wildly off topic.

‘Well, I’m not really sure what I want to be honest,’ Rosie said limply, realising that Jasmine was expecting a response about her future and not her musings on trousers. It seemed that no matter how confident Rosie felt in her opinions when she was alone, when she was with Jasmine, her conviction paled beside her sister-in-law’s righteous opinions. Jasmine narrowed her eyes slightly but thankfully lowered the knife.

‘I thought you didn’t want kids?’ she questioned.

‘I’m not sure I ever said that, did I?’ Rosie faltered.

‘Well, you’ve never shown any interest in having them,’ Jasmine countered.

‘Haven’t I?’ Rosie felt increasingly bewildered by the turn this conversation seemed to be taking.

Jasmine noticed Rosie’s face and tempered her response. ‘I just thought that you might have shown more of an interest before now if you were keen to have them.’

Rosie frowned, trying not to take massive offence at what Jasmine seemed to be suggesting. ‘I thought I was quite a dutiful aunt?’ She nodded towards the sitting room where her two nephews were sitting, still entranced by the cartoon on the TV that she had been so rudely dragged from.

Jasmine floundered uncharacteristically, immediately realising her mistake. ‘No, no I didn’t mean… You’ve always been brilliant with the boys!’ Jasmine’s face flushed. ‘You’re the best aunt they could hope for! Their favourite aunt!’

Rosie smirked in spite of herself. ‘I’m theironlyaunt!’ she said dryly, secretly enjoying making the unflappable Jasmine flap. Jasmine smiled and looked distinctly relieved that the tension had been broken.

‘I only meant,’ Jasmine said, ‘that you’ve never talked about wanting to have kids of your own, and have never seemed that bothered about meeting anyone.’

Rosie stared off into the well-manicured garden behind Jasmine. She had often wondered how Chris and Jasmine had managed to keep the garden so immaculate with two football-obsessed sons. It was probably a combination of fear and expensive football lessons in the local park.

‘I’m not really sure how I feel to be honest,’ Rosie started. ‘I guess I’ve never felt strongly that I wanted them, but I always thought that one day that might change. That the magical biological clock would kick in and I would wake up knowing that I desperately wanted children. Is that what happened to you?’ she teased Jasmine who just shrugged. Rosie thought it was good that her nephews weren’t within earshot, because right then Jasmine seemed rather lukewarm on the concept of parenting.

Jasmine eyed her warily. She seemed like she had something to say, but was hesitant. ‘I don’t want to alarm you,’ she began tentatively, ‘but if you think youmightwant them someday you might need to get on with the process. You’re not, I meanwe’renot’ she quickly corrected herself, seeing the look on Rosie’s face, ‘getting any younger.’

Rosie felt her hackles rise, ‘Thanks. Point made,’ she snapped. ‘Yes, we’re both getting on a bit, I get it. But it’s fine ifyourovaries give up the ghost right now,’ she retorted, ‘you’ve got your two perfect kids. Meanwhile I am sat here while mine shrivel up and I’m not yet sure if I do want to have kids at all.’

‘Rosie!’ protested Jasmine, and Rosie noticed a peculiar look on her face. Had she missed something? It was almost a look of yearning. Rosie took a sip of her wine and wriggled a little on her bar stool. This was not a comfortable place in which to undergo this interrogation. Chris and Jasmine were more about style than comfort when it came to designing a house.

‘I didn’t mean to upset you,’ Jasmine said. ‘Shall we change the subject? Is it more or less controversial to ask you about dating?’

‘What about dating?’ said Rosie.

‘I mean, maybe Mitch has a point about that?’ Jasmine suggested.

Rosie stared in surprise. ‘I thought you were on my side! You’re supposed to be outraged on my behalf! My love life and my reproductive organs are none of his business. Remember?’ she said pointedly.

Jasmine smiled. ‘Of course I’m outraged, it’s not his job to point any of this out, but I don’t think it’s so controversial to say that you have been rather, let’s say, half-hearted about dating over the last few years?’

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