Page 104 of The Fallback

‘Don’t you think there’s a different reason?’ Mitch asked. ‘That maybe I was trying to escape my feelings for you? That if I just dated girls that looked like you then I would end up thinking about you instead of them? And anyway, wouldn’t it have seemed a little creepy if all my girlfriends looked like you?’ Rosie bit her lip, trying to hold in a smile at this thought.

‘I did date one girl who looked like you,’ Mitch said.

‘I remember!’ exclaimed Rosie. ‘I liked her!’

‘Of course you did!’ Mitch smiled. ‘She was like a carbon copy of you. I ended it after a few weeks when I accidentally called her Rosie.’

‘You didn’t!’ Rosie gasped. ‘You never told me that!’

‘Was I likely to?’ he asked in amusement. ‘I realised that the reason I was attracted to her was because she reminded me of you. That was an awkward break-up.’ He grimaced at the thought.

The sound of shattering glass came from inside the house, and both of them looked around startled. ‘Sounds like the party is really getting started now!’ said Mitch and he turned back to look at Rosie. ‘You know, all these years I lived in terror of you meeting someone else and me getting my heart broken. But you never did,’ he said. ‘And then I started to dare to hope that maybe you and I would grow old together, even just as best friends.’

‘Now that does sound creepy,’ said Rosie. Mitch laughed.

‘It gets creepier. I saw all our friends starting to settle down, get married and have kids. I always said that’s what I wanted. But really, I only ever wanted it with you. And so, then I got this hare-brained scheme in my head that maybe I could suggest we be each other’s fallback. That we should have a baby together and that way, we could make a life together.’

Rosie looked at him. ‘Yeah, you’re right, that is more creepy. And it’s exactly what Nadia suggested I do.’

Mitch laughed. ‘Nadia knew? I should have guessed that. Anyone else?’

Rosie contemplated this for a moment. ‘Jasmine,’ she confirmed, ‘and so I guess Chris knows too. Probably my nephews. My mum.’

‘Susanknows?!’ exclaimed Mitch, ‘What did she have to say about it?’

Rosie laughed. ‘Well, she wasn’t fazed by it, as I’m sure you can imagine, even when I told her we had discussed having a baby together. In fact, she thinks you’d make a really good dad. She had less to say about whether I would make a good mother.’

Mitch blushed. ‘I love your mum,’ he said.

’Feeling’s mutual,’ Rosie replied. ‘But you know,’ she said after a pause, ‘this is what I wanted to talk about the other day, Mitch. I’ve never been sure about kids. It’s not as if I knew Ididn’twant them, but they’ve never been something I have been certain Ididwant.’

‘I know,’ said Mitch quietly, ‘and that’s when I realised I had messed up. I really thought that this silly idea might bring us together, maybe it would give me the confidence to confess my true feelings. Or even…’ He stared back down at his hands. ‘I dared to hope it might make you realise you had feelings for me, too. But it didn’t work out like that.’ He shook his head and leaned back to look up into the sky. ‘I knew I was following my own dreams, not yours. And I felt really guilty. I felt like I’d put pressure on you to do something you didn’t want to do, and that’s when I panicked, put in an application for an international transfer and started dating Jenny.’

‘O-kaaay,’ Rosie screwed her nose up. ‘That’s an interesting train of events,’ she said dryly. ‘I’m not sure I quite follow.’

Mitch sighed and picked up his empty glass, toying with it. ‘When I realised you weren’t about to declare your true feelings for me, and when it became clear that you weren’t keen on our plan, and I’d basically strong-armed you into it, I worried that youwouldmeet someone. That I had forced you into dating again. And if you were dating then you might finally meet someone you actually liked. And that it wouldn’t be me.’

Mitch put his glass down and leaned forward in his chair, his elbows on his knees, his chin resting in his hands. ‘You’re so great, Rosie. You’re beautiful and clever and funny. And I knew that the reason you hadn’t met anyone yet is because you never seemed that bothered. And that if you started dating properly it wouldn’t be long before someone fell in love with you, and you might fall in love with them, too. And I couldn’t sit back and watch that happen,especiallywhen I knew it was really all my fault for forcing you into this stupid fallback plan in the first place. So then when my boss started asking me about career plans and said that they were putting together a new list for international assignments, I agreed to put my name down. I thought if I couldn’t be with you, then I needed to be as far away from you as possible,’ he explained.

Rosie exhaled. ‘Mitch you’re an idiot. Could you not have explained this to me?’

‘I tried to!’ He reached forward and took her hand. ‘I’ve been trying to. I even wanted to talk to you about it at the time… but then I got worried that you might think it was a great idea for me to move and then I really would have known there was no hope for me and you.’

‘I’m sorry, Mitch.’ Rosie hesitated before reaching over and taking his hand. ‘I should have given you the chance to explain but I was hurt and confused and scared.’ She paused, figuring out how to put into words what she wanted to tell him. ‘I had wrapped my heart up so carefully for so many years and then after all this time, I had you, and you were about to break it anyway.’ She felt tears rolling down her cheeks.

Mitch stood up so quickly, he rocked the table. Rosie grabbed it to stop the glasses toppling over. ‘I would never break your heart,’ he said, coming round to her side of the table pulling her to her feet. ‘I willneverbreak your heart.’ She looked up into his face, he gently wiped her cheek with his thumb.

‘It took me years to tell you how I felt,’ he said, pulling her closer to him. ‘I just needed you to give me a few minutes to explain what a mess I had made of it all. You have to believe me, I would never deliberately hurt you,’ he said earnestly. He clasped his hands around hers as they stood staring into each other’s eyes. Rosie was suddenly aware of how fast she was breathing, how loud her heartbeat seemed to be and how no matter how romantic the situation, if you were outside in London at night, you would invariably hear foxes mating.

’So, what now?’ she asked. ‘I mean, for us?’

‘Always with the questions!’ he exclaimed. ‘Can’t we just live happily ever after?’ he asked smiling down at her.

‘Mitch! Don’t be an idiot. I meant what now, what about New York? What about babies? It’s all so complicated.’

‘Oh, I don’t know.’ Mitch looked thoughtful. ‘Why don’t you just come to New York with me and have my babies? I’m joking! Joking!’ he protested, seeing the look of panic on her face.

‘I don’t have to take the New York job,’ he said. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

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