“What happened wasn’t your fault, Audry,” she muttered.
“Yeah, but—” I stopped the thought from entering the real world. If it did, then everything might be real.
“But what?” she asked, her stare softening.
I licked my lips, unsure if I should say.
“Audry, the more demons you keep inside, the more power they have, and the more likely they are to dig their way out, no matter the consequence.”
“But, I wasn’t able to stop him. Not before he…" My lower lip quivered. “This whole learning to defend myself was supposed to make me feel stronger…safer…" I rubbed my eyes.
Carson took her hands into mine. “It will. But first, you gotta get through all of this. It’s day one, not even more than ten minutes in. Cut yourself some slack.” She paused, furrowing her brow.
I watched her as she debated her next words, nibbling on her lower lip. “You stopped him,” she whispered. “You jammed a broken glass shard into his neck. You did possibly the hardest thing someone can do—you survived.”
“But he took from me!” I shouted, throwing her hands down. “And that man took from Milla!”
Carson stepped back, observing me as I had my outburst. If my mother saw me now, the words she would have.
“He ignored my screams, he–he…he forced me…my body—it betrayed me, Carson. Do you know how that feels? For your body to just give in…to feel…" I paused, my hands shaking. “Fuck!” I yelled, running a hand through my hair.
“Get angry!” she yelled, coming closer to me. “Channel that, and throw your best punch.” She held up a red punching bag. Bracing it against her body.
“I don’t?—”
“Come on, you have a lot of emotions. Let’s get them out.” She jutted the bag forward.
I balled my hand into a fist, throwing a punch. It lacked any strength or power, mirroring my soul.
“You can do better than that,” Carson taunted.
I threw another punch, and another, each one harder than the last.
“Harder!” Carson shouted, her order vibrating my bones, egging on my anger.
I let out a growl, throwing another one and another. Finally, one last one, Carson stuttered back.
“Good,” she smiled.
I breathed heavily, and the anger lifted. The adrenaline did its job, clearing my mind. I glanced at my knuckles. They tingled with pain—a good pain.
“Now, let’s get the technique down.” She clasped her hands together.
Carson relayed steps, giving practical advice. Don’t wear a ponytail if you walk at night. If you have headphones, keep the music low or not at all. Never, ever put both in. Walk in pairs. Make noise. Don’t appear timid. Each one morphed into thenext, flooding the room around me till I felt I was drowning in tips on how to avoid the male advance. Little tidbits that I had heard since I was a child.
One singular piece of advice she harped on.Run if you can, only fight as a last resort.
Carson threw me to the ground, pain radiating through my shoulder. “Fucking A,” I yelled.
“Your stance again,” she corrected.
“What’s going on in here?” Kai’s deep voice echoed around the room, making me smile.
I rolled my feet under me, resting on my shins. “You’re back?” I cocked my head.
He leaned against the doorway to the room, glancing between Carson and me. “Just in time, by the looks of it,” he said, furrowing his eyebrows at Carson.
“Just helping her.” She shrugged.