Page 82 of Joey

Ethan sniffed as he finished reading, wiping the tears from his eyes. He didn’t try to find Joey, understanding just how much this must’ve taken from him to write it. It was perfect as far as Ethan was concerned. Joey made no apologies for taking the time he needed, and that was the right thing to do.

Joey finally came back in, carrying two plates of steaming food. He placed them at the table, laying cutlery beside them and sat back in his chair.

“What do you think?”

Ethan rested his hand over Joey’s. “It’s perfect.”

Joey nodded and sighed. “It’s not everything I wanted to say, but I’d be soaking for an hour if I did that. And even then, that might not be enough time.”

“I didn’t know Elliott, but from what I’ve heard from everyone, he would’ve loved it.”

Joey chuckled. “He would’ve hated being so far in the limelight. Which makes me wonder about his relationship with Denny. How much was Denny wanting to keep it quiet, and how much was Ell wanting to stay far away from the spotlight?”

“It’s nice to know that he’d found love, though,” Ethan said. “Even if it would’ve been a tricky road ahead.”

Joey smiled. “If he’d told me about his relationship, I don’t think I would’ve believed him.”

“Why not?”

Joey picked up his fork. “It’s the kind of thing he would’ve joked about. He once said to me that if he ever said he was becoming an actor, I would know it was code for something’s wrong.” Joey swallowed hard, tears shimmering. “Why didn’t he say anything?”

Ethan’s heart ached. “I don’t know. He possibly kept quiet about Grey and Robert to protect you, but something…” He didn’t want to finish his sentence.

“Something…?” Joey prompted.

Ethan sighed. “Something pushed him to the edge that night. An edge he couldn’t step back from. If I’m honest with you, Joey, I don’t think we want to know what it was.”

“Why?” Joey frowned. “I want to know why he chose to take his own life instead of talking to me about it.”

“It can’t be a pleasant reason. Would Elliott really want you to know why?”

“It doesn’t matter. I want to know.”

Ethan nodded, though he believed when Joey found out, he would want to take his words back. Although Ethan didn’t know what had happened, he had a host of ideas about what it could be, and none of them were nice.

They descended into silence while they ate, Ethan swallowing the delicious food as if it were Lego bricks. He wouldn’t take back what he’d said, and Joey would insist on finding out. Neither of them would be happy with the answer because it wouldn’t change the fact that Elliott was no longer with them.

“When are you thinking of giving your statement?” he asked.

Joey exhaled. “I want Ani to read it through as well, and then if she agrees it’s okay, I’ll set something up for tomorrow afternoon or the next day.”

“Sounds good.”

Joey reached for his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? Knowing what you want?” Ethan smiled. “That’s a good thing. I’m just worried, that’s all. Once you know, there’s no un-knowing, if you get my drift.”

Joey didn’t say anything for a minute, his dinner left to cool. “I feel left out, Ethan. I thought Ell and I told each other everything. I didn’t think we had any secrets from each other. Since he died, I feel like he’s left me out of the important parts of his life. As if he didn’t want me there sharing the happiness or the burden with him. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help but feel like he didn’t trust me.”

Ethan leaned forward, making eye contact with him. “Elliott loved you, Joey. He wouldn’t have wanted you to miss out on anything. He would’ve told you about Denny if he thought there was anything more to the relationship. Denny loved him, but maybe Elliott wasn’t there yet. If he loved Denny, he would’ve told you. I know that much.”

Joey’s eyes cleared a little, but he could tell he wasn’t entirely convinced. It would take time for him to forgive himself and to forgive Elliott. Because no matter what anyone said, there was guilt on both sides of the coin. Unnecessary guilt, but guilt all the same.

An idea crossed his mind. “I want you to tattoo me.”

Joey’s head jerked up, and he stared at him. “Really?”

Ethan nodded, more determined with every minute. “Yes.”

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