Page 65 of All My Love

“I don’t know, man… I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know why my head's a mess. And today of all days,” I breathe, knowing that Deuce should be the one spewing fears and stresses on the morning of his wedding, not me.

But he’s calm, cool, collected and ecstatic as ever to marry my little sister. The fact that he’s not even rattled about walking down the aisle only makes me more grateful that Ev has him.

He doesn’t question his love for her, her love for him, their truth together, their loyalty for one another—he doesn’t question any of it. He trusts in it. He trusts in them and what they’ve built. And that trust has allowed him emotional freedom and safety. Every day he’s happy,carefree, he doesn’t stress or overanalyze and while that could just be him, I believe a lot of that is… being in love.

I want that, I do. I’ve always wanted that comfort and trust, and when I learned that Tessa does actually swallow—just not for me—that’s when I discovered just how bad I want a good marriage.

I’ve got my boy, I’ve got the land, and now I just need the love, trust, andforeverwith someone to share it with.

“So she punctured Tiffani’s tire,” Deuce says, tossing my tie over my shoulder as he gets to work on tying. “She’s also twenty. She’s still got that fuckin’ spark,” he says as I lift my chin, giving him access to my throat.

“That’s part of the problem. I mean… hell, I think that’stheproblem.” Deuce finishes the knot, adjusting it before giving it a final pat of approval. Adjusting my cuff links, he puts his on. “She’s too young for me.”

Deuce freezes, his face twisting up with folly. “Uh… what?”

I lower my voice, since Bear’s audiobook is likely coming to an end. Keeping a little boy in a suit nice, unstained, unwrinkled and dry for an hour is a feat.

“She’s too young.”

Deuce puts the cuff link on the kitchen table and turns to face me, holding my eyes with serious sincerity that makes my gut clench. Again, shouldn’t I be the guy doing the deep talks on his wedding day? I’m a shitty best man.

“Does it go beyond physical attraction?” he asks, taking a different tactic. I don’t have to think about my answer at all, which is the answer in a way.

“Yes,” I admit easily. “I mean, hell, she’s sweet and smart, she’s so fucking good with Bear, she loves the ranchand Bluebell, and God, man, she’s funny. She says some off-the-cuff shit that has me smiling for days.”

“Okay, so you like her and you want to fuck her?—”

“Ho—” I halt him with a hand. “First, Bear. Second, that’s…”

“Not your style, I know,” Deuce supplies, returning to his cuff links. “All I’m pointing to here is that you like her and you’re attracted to her. And you’re freaking out because you’re thinking about her.”

I nod, because when laid out that way, I sound dramatic. “Yeah.”

“You thought about Tessa when you two first met, right?” he asks, finishing with one wrist, moving to the other. On his wedding day, Deuce went with a cleanly styled, neat bun, and paired with the suit, it’s a great combination.

“Right,” I say, plucking my hat from the table, carefully lowering it over my styled hair.

“Then this is no different.” He pauses, “Except she kinda stalked Tiffani and then slashed her tire… which, honestly, man, I think is kinda badass.”

Bear comes out with his headphones on, talking loudly over his audiobook. “How much longer, Daddy? I’m hungry.”

“Five minutes,” I say, pulling the headphones off long enough to relay the message. I turn back to Deuce. “Badass?”

He shrugs, spritzing cologne on his throat and wrists, then pulling his pants from his body, spraying it there, too. I cast him a disgusted glance.

“Pretend you didn’t see that,” he says with a shrug,returning to the topic at hand. Dolly. “And yeah, you know, a woman who slashes tires and is holed away in her room googling shit? That’s…. passion. That’s fuckin’ loyalty, man.” He shakes his head, smoothing his hands along the sides of his hair to tuck back flyaways.

I squint at him, discomfort wrapping my throat as I choke out, “Did Ev slash tires for you because, I don’t think?—”

He stops me with a raised palm and a dark smirk. “Iwas the passionate one. When I met your sister,” he says, smiling a little as he relives what I’d be willing to bet was the best day of his life and in an hour will become the second best day of his life. “She had this stupid dude hanging around and… God, he wasn’t worth it in hindsight but the way I fucked with that guy,” he breathes, chuckling as Bear takes off his headphones, sliding them and his tablet onto the table.

“How sharp are we looking?” Deuce says to Bear, taking his hand to guide him to the mirror in the foyer. They do their best modeling poses, and I dig out my phone to snap a photo. Bear asks to see it, and my breath catches as I swipe past the photo of Dolly with the milk on her lip.

Guilt makes my cheeks warm as I hold the photo out for Deuce and Bear to analyze. Yesterday all I could think about was how Dolly came to stand behind me when Tiffani came over. The way she then stepped in front of me. How she’s never missed a call, and never turned down an opportunity to spend time with Bear. She’s loyal, and what Deuce is saying… makes sense. That passion and loyalty is what I want to give someone, too.

I thought about her so much yesterday that I had tocome home and jerk off because running errands with a hard-on the size of a forearm is painful.

I came in less than a minute thinking of that thick strip of milk on her upper lip.

---