Page 10 of All My Love

I miss closeness. Companionship.

Intimacy.

At that word, for whatever reason, Dolly’s face appears in my mind. It’s just a flash, a mention of her broad smile, a glimpse of her shining eyes, a subtle remembrance of hernight-blooming jasmine and lavender scent. But it’s enough to have guilt pouring through me.

Tugging off my hat, I pin my eyes on Deuce and put the young woman next door out of my mind.

“Oh yeah? Where about?” I ask Deuce as Everly comes off the porch, heading toward her fiancé’s truck. She takes a seat in the passenger side as Deuce follows, stopping to chat.

“Across from Goode’s Diner.”

I rack my brain, trying to imagine what’s across from the one and only diner in town. “The video rental place?”

Deuce nods. “Yep. Turns out Bluebell doesn’t watch much VHS.”

I snort. “No one does.”

“Anyway,” he says, cupping his hand on my shoulder. “I’m taking Ev out for dinner, upstate a ways. We won’t be back tonight.”

I peer past him, to the house, where Bear is on the floor coloring near the sliding door.

“I know you got to tag cattle today, and I’m sorry about that–”

I stop my future brother-in-law. “No, it’s okay. You two have a good day out.” I lift my hand and wave to Ev, who waves back at me through the rolled-up window. “And good luck with the spot.”

Deuce says goodbye, and after they’ve pulled off the property and are heading down the road, I turn back toward the house. Bear has a coloring picture of Bluey pressed to the glass of the sliding door.

I wave him out and he comes running, discolored Blueyin hand. “Hey, you wouldn’t mind spending time with Dolly, would you?”

His eyes widen. “Dolly!” he squeals, taking off like a bullet toward their place. My long strides with adult legs means I catch up to him before he rings the bell. I ruffle his hair as he smooths out his coloring. “Let me ask her, okay?”

I rap my knuckles against the screen, forcing myself to think about the way the doorbell has been hanging by a wire for the last two years.

“Hiya, Hudson,” Juniper greets as she pulls open the door, catching it with her hip before it closes. She wrings her hands out on the apron tied at her waist, a smear of purple on her forehead. “Hi there, Bear.” She crouches, pinching his drawing to lift it up. “That’s great,” she says, her Australian accent rusty, but much better than mine.

“Daddy wants to know if Dolly can hang out with me,” he says, using the words we practiced together. In the past, “Daddy needs you” didn’t feel right, so I taught him something a bit… better.

“Is Dahlia around, Juniper? Everly and Deuce are out viewing properties with their real estate agent, but I have to tag today and I can’t take Bear out there with me.” I nervously tug at my cowboy hat, but wouldn’t you know it, it’s perfectly in place. “It’s too dangerous.”

She smiles, all white teeth framed with thin pink lips. Juniper and Dolly look alike, with Juni wearing ten more years of life on her shoulders. She’s taller than Dolly, the tallest of the three, actually, and runs her own company making jam.

I like living next to the Ellington sisters, and they’vebeen nothing but sweet and helpful. They get along with Ev and Bear, too, which makes life… nice.

“She’s here,” Juniper replies before turning her head, hollering into the house. “Dolly, Hudson and Bear are here.”

Heat stalks up my spine, though I’ve been in this spot many times without feeling anything. In fact, I’ve stood on this porch and asked these women for help quite a bit in the last four years and never felt anything but guilt.

I stroke my hand up the back of my neck, finding it unusually damp. I don’t know why I’m feeling anything. Her face popped into my mind when I thought about intimacy. But there wasn’t more to it than that.

“Hey,” Dolly’s soft voice comes around the open door before she does, a genuine smile on her face as she crouches to greet my son. “Hey, Bear. Oh, is that Bluey? And it’s for me?” She clutches the coloring book page to her chest, grinning. “I love it!” Her eyes stay on him as he smiles and giggles in response, reaching out to smooth a rough edge of the paper.

“Wanna make art together today?” she asks, studying the coloring book page one more time before rumpling her brow. “I love this but… I really like painting with you.”

“Paint!” he squeals, because at this stage in his life, paint is far more enthralling than anything else. I know I can only ride that out for a few more years before it’s something rowdier.

I place my palm on his head as Dolly gets to her feet. “I’m so sorry, Dolly, but I forgot Ev and Deuce have plans for the rest of the day. I have to tag cattle till late afternoon.” I lift my brows, fighting against the heavy guilt weighing them down. I wish I could be here for my son, but when youown a ranch, you work a ton. It’s why having a strong family dynamic at home is important.

Something I foolishly thought Tessa understood.

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