Page 42 of A Taste of Whiskey
“You look as beautiful as ever.”
The sincerity in his voice helped ease her discomfort.
“Are you going to invite me in?”
“Yes.Sorry.Come in.” She stepped aside, and as he walked in, it felt like he’d sucked all the air from the foyer.
He reached over, putting his hand on hers on the doorknob, and closed the door. “Nervous?”
“A little,” she admitted.
“I might have something to help with that.” He reached into the bag and lifted out a six-pack of Truly hard seltzer.
She smiled. “Thanks. That was really nice of you, but I think I’m too nervous to enjoy it.”
“Then maybe these will help.” He pulled out a big bag of peanut M&M’s and cocked a brow.
She loved how well he knew her. “Now,thosewill do the trick, but I still need a minute before I can eat them.”
“They’re here when you’re ready.” He set the paper bag on the floor. “Listen, Sash. I’m sorry I was so aggressive this afternoon. I really did come by the barn just to talk, but I knew you hadn’t come home last night, and when I saw you, I was consumed with jealousy, and I lost it. That wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry. I don’t even know how it happened. I’ve never felt this way before. It’s like you unleash some sort of jealous beast in me.”
She was touched by his apology. “You didn’t hear me complaining, did you? I liked the way you were in the barn, and I like knowing I bring that out in you, but I owe you an apology, too. I haven’t exactly been acting very mature. It wasn’t fair of me to shut you out the way I did, but I was trying to move on, and it was too hard to see you and feel what I do.”
“That drove me crazy.”
“I’m sorry. I was trying to save my sanity, but it got us here, so maybe it’s not a bad thing.” She hooked her finger in the front pocket of his jeans. “But you should know that I didn’t do anything with Flame.”
His brows knitted. “But you didn’t come home last night. Weren’t you with him?”
She shook her head. “I slept at Birdie’s. Flame’s a great guy and a good friend to everyone here. I couldn’t use him to try to get over you.” She’d told Birdie what had happened with Ezra at the bar, but she’d sworn her to secrecy. Birdie had said she was proud of her for standing her ground. She hadn’t spoken to her sister since, and although she was dying to share her secret, she’d already decided she wouldn’t tell her anything more. If anyone found out, she didn’t want Birdie to get in trouble, too.
He shook his head, smiling. “I’m a selfish bastard, because that makes me so fucking happy.”
She laughed softly. “I guess that’s good, but I have to be honest. I don’t know how to do whatever this is we’re doing. I’ve been a nervous wreck all day. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me tonight or not, and all sorts of things have been going through my head. I don’t want to assume anything, but not knowing is hard for me. I know you have experience with this, but—”
He silenced her with a soft press of his lips. “I don’t have experience with this, either,” he rasped against her lips. “I don’t usually hook up with friends.”
Friends.That’s the clarification she needed, and it stung a little.
He tucked her hair behind her ear, his dark eyes peering deeply into hers as he caressed her cheek. “I wanted to text you and tell you I was thinking about you. Honestly, I wanted to go back to the barn and drag you into the tack room again and finish what we’d started. But we both have a lot at risk. I had to get my head on straight and think things through. I’ve been wrestling with that all day. I feel guilty because your mother is my boss and your father is the president of the club, and they trust me.”
“They trust me, too,” she pointed out. “But it’s their stupid rule that’s making us keep this a secret. I know it’s bigger than that because of Gus, and he’s the most important part of all of this, but unless you tell my parents about everyone you hook up with, I wouldn’t bother feeling guilty. It’s none of their business how we spend our free time. It’s not like it’s going to affecthowwe do our jobs.”
“That’s a fair point, and one I needed to hear. But the other thing I’m wrestling with is that you deserve more than a secret affair or a friend with benefits, or whatever you want to call us, Sasha, and I wish I could give that to you.”
So did she, but she knew he was right in wanting to keep this a secret. No matter how intimate things felt, they did have a lot at risk, and this couldn’t be more than what they’d agreed upon without upending all their lives. It wasn’t ideal, but she’d rather have some of him than none of him. “What I deserve is to be with a man I trulywantto be with, even if it’s only in private, and I want to be with you.”
“I want you more than you can imagine, but are yousureyou’re cool with this? I don’t want you to resent me down the road.”
“You’re not making my decision for me, Ez. How could I resent you? I know it’s not going to be easy, but I’ve enjoyed the benefits I’ve already reaped, and if this is all we can ever be, then I’m going to enjoy every second of whatever is yet to come.”
“Not easy is an understatement.” He shook his head. “You have no idea how hard it was for me to keep my hands off you at dinner. I couldn’t resist sending you that text so you’d know you were on my mind, but after I did, the urge to drag you down the hall and into my office was so strong, I had to get away to clear my head.”
I would have preferred the office.“I’m glad you texted, but when you disappeared, I thought maybe you had changed your mind or went to see someone else.”
His brows slanted. “Why would I do that?”
She shrugged one shoulder. “You said you didn’t want anyone else touching me, but we never talked about you.”
