Page 69 of Fighting for His Life

They’re all supportive and understanding. They offer to help in anyway they can once Zoey is back.

At the end of the long, emotionally draining night, I find myself sitting in my car alone. I’m parked by the river looking out over the wide expanse wondering what the future holds. I wonder if Zoey will ever be the same. If I’ll ever be the same.

“Figured I’d find you here,” a deep voice calls behind me.

“Really? I never would’ve guessed to look for me here.”

A low laugh fills the air. It makes my insides twinge because it feels wrong to laugh right now. “Are you kidding me, Jaxon.I always knew when you were hurting over Zoey because it would bring you here every time. Since you’ve been fourteen years old, this has been your place to think through your pain.”

“Yeah, but back then that pain was self-inflicted. If I’d just opened my mouth sooner, told her how I felt, a lot of that pain could’ve been avoided.”

Another laugh. “Really. Love bites, love bleeds. It’s not always fun, easy, and good.”

Now I laugh. “Really, Dad. Def Leppard’s the best you can do?”

“Hey what can I say. It’s true you know. Loving someone isn’t easy.”

“This isn’t fair, Dad,” I say trying to hold back tears because god fucking dammit I’m tired of crying like a fucking pussy. “She didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve this. The actions of a single sadistic fucker caused all of this.”

“You’re right, Jax. None of this is fair or deserved.”

“I’m worried that we won’t ever be what we were before. That she won’t be able to come back from this.”

“All of that’s possible, but will you love her any less because of it?”

I turn my head to look him the eyes. “Nothing could make me love her less. Even through all of this I love her more every day. How is that even possible, Dad? I love her more than anything. How’s it possible that every day I love her more?”

My dad smiles at me. He puts his hands in his pockets and looks out over the river. “I ask myself that everyday about your mother. We’ve been together for thirty-five years, Jax. She’s has suffered through me going off to whatever hell the army would send me to for months at a time without knowing if I was coming home. I watched her suffer through three miscarriages before we got Rory, and another three before we got you.” My eyes widen not realizing my mom and dad had so much trouble conceiving me and my brother. My dad’s eyes soften at the memories. “We’ve had to work a lot since I retired from the army. So much so that Rory got tangled up in my mafia family.” He gives me a sidelong look noticing my gape, “Yes, Jax, I know about that. We watched you all but move in with Zane and Zoey when you were a kid. Love doesn’t stop because bad things happen.”

I watch him closely wondering where he’s going with this. Because I swear, I might punch my own father if he tells me to let her go. “Don’t give up on her, Jax. She needs you. Tear down those walls that she’s built. Make her stop running.”

My teeth grind and my fist clench. “And what if I can’t?”

“Then let her go, Jax. As hard as that might be, let her go.”

I shake my head. “I did that once, Dad. It nearly killed us both. Do you know for the last year, I can’t remember a day that I didn’t end up passing out drunk. I fucked every woman with a pulse I come across. I may not have pumped myself full of drugs or slit my wrist, but I was killing myself.”

“What about Haley, Jax,” he asks. “I thought you like her. Had a pretty good thing getting started.”

“Haley was one long one-night stand. I never should’ve strung her along like I did. I used her to try to get over Zoey, but there was no way that was happening. Every time I close my eyes it’s Zoey I see. Every morning when I wake up, Zoey is the first thing on my mind. Hell, I can’t even throw a fucking football without thinking about her. I will never be able to just let her go, Dad. Not in here,” I thump my fist over my heart.

“Then why are you here, moping like you are?” he asks with an arrogant smirk.

I blink once. Twice. Motherfucker. “You played me?”

He shrugs, his grin growing wider. “Jax, you spend so much damn time in your head that sometimes you need someone to tell you exactly what you don’t want to do to make you realize what you want.”

“That makes no fucking sense, Dad,” I scowl. But I know he’s right. This has been just the kick in the ass I needed.

“You love Zoey. I often thought it was puppy love when you were younger. Something that you’d grow out of. It took time, but I figured out that what you two have is not puppy love or anything superficial and short-lived. You two were made for each other. You belong together. And, son, when you love someone like that? When someone loves you like that? You fight for it. You tear down anything and everything that would even think about coming between you.”

“Why the hell didn’t you just say that in the first place?” I ask with a smirk.

“My sons are stubborn. I can’t tell them what’s obvious. I have to piss them off first. They need to be ready to fight first.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I smile.

“Anytime, son.”

---