Page 78 of Her Devils

I was raised by nannies and paid staff, and hanging out with Peyton and Channing was my first and only taste of family.

Until her.

Maybe the reason why I like her beyond her gorgeous eyes and perfect ass is because she’s just as damaged as I am.

Lenley has a great mom in Gina, but the loss of her father is something that affects her as deeply as Peyton with his mom.

The similarities in their situations are probably what also brought Gina and Ken together.

What’s different is the way they reacted to losing their parents in the sky. While Peyton decided he needed to conquer the element that took his mother from him, Lenley avoided heights like the plague.

I shrug off my parachute shortly after my feet touch the ground and walk away from the landing area with the excuse of a nature call.

In reality, I just need a moment to myself before we’re called for the next round.

I thought that keeping things with Lenley purely physical would keep me safe from developing feelings for her.

But have I really done that?

Sure, I might not have taken her out on a proper date or called her and texted her as much as my brothers, but I think our connection was forged in spite of that.

My mind goes back to the top of Penn’s house, when I held her in my arms while we jumped into the pool.

And a couple of weeks ago, when she was scared of looking down from the top of that sky bar, and I got her to relax by taking her against that railing.

Sure, my need for control probably has something to do with why I’ve been trying to help her overcome her fears.

I know there’s more to it though. Controlling things helps me overcome my fear of being left or ignored, or not mattering enough for people to choose me.

Controlling her fear is satisfying, but the reason I’m doing it is because the look in her eyes when she’s terrified of heights reminds me of myself every time I realized that my parents had jetted off somewhere without me again.

I want her to own it and control it so she can be free.

I think what helped Lenley carve a place in my heart, whether I wanted her to or not, is because we’re very similar, chasing after the love of someone who doesn’t even see us—my parents in my case, and Penn in hers.

Of course the physical attraction is a huge factor too. I can never get enough of Lenley’s body and the way she surrenders to me, letting me guide her, take her, and own her.

Fuck.

I’m a total fool. I thought I had this whole thing under control, but in reality? I’ve put myself in the position of being left again if she chooses Penn or one of my brothers.

I should have said no to this deal, but now it’s too late.

This must be what it feels like to jump and have your parachute malfunction. You know you have a spare, and that’s your final chance.

I’m in too deep to walk away now, so my only chance of not seeing my own heart hit the ground and shatter into a million pieces is to make sure she chooses me.

I don’t know what will happen with my brothers, but we can figure things out between us later. Our first order of business is to make sure we beat Penn not only in the skies, but to Lenley’s heart.

***

Channing

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THINGS ARE GOING WELL.

We took the national titles in speed skydiving and wingsuit acrobatics.

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