Page 52 of Her Devils

More than the unrequited love I’ve been learning to live with, I think what’s more painful is the fact that this whole thing with Kiara has made me realize that Darrius isn’t who I thought he was.

I repeat that to myself every time I fall back into my longing for him.

Darrius isn’t the sweet, fun boy I fell in love with when I was too young to even understand the notion of romantic love. Since he rejected me for the first time last year, he’s been showing me a different side of himself—a duplicitous, selfish, ruthless side that I can’t reconcile with my best friend and love of my life.

I don’t say anything to Kiara. I don’t tell her what Darrius told me the night of the party about how he’ll always cheat as long as he’s actively competing.

I don’t understand what kind of game Darrius is playing, and I’m too tired to dwell on it. It was a long weekend and a late night. “Right, since you don’t need my help with that meeting, I’m going to go back home and work from there.”

I walk out of HQ without even paying attention to Anna and Kiara’s satisfied gloating.

I’m starting to think that I’ve loved a selfish sociopath for my entire life, someone who won’t hesitate to lie and play with others’ emotions to get what he wants.

I don’t want to believe that this is the same guy who would watch the stars with me at night, talking about his dreams of reaching them and how he would take me with him, but as I lift my head to the cloudless summer sky in Northern California,Papà’s words come to my mind.

“Lenley,chérie, if someone shows you their real colors, always believe them, no matter how much you don’t want to.”

It was one of the last things he ever told me, and as I slip into the driver’s seat of my car, I’ve never missed my dearpapàmore than I do right now.

***

Lenley

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MY PHONE VIBRATES WITHa text message as I’m trying to unlock the front door to my house while balancing my laptop, my purse, and the smoothie from my favorite place in my arms.

I almost make a mess while trying to look at the screen as I turn the key in the lock, and I barely save my laptop and drink from crashing onto the floor.

Mom has been telling me to put things away all my life. I have to remember to put the laptop in its carrier bag rather than carrying it like this, especially because it’s a Cove Angels company laptop.

I can only imagine how much Anna would enjoy it if she could say that I’m careless with company property.

I drop everything on the coffee table and plop myself down on it, finally having free hands to check my text messages.

I smile when I see that the one that just came through is from Peyton.

Peyton:Hey, Snow, I missed you this weekend. Between the competition, the press obligations, the parties, and our parents always being around, I couldn’t find an opportunity to sneak into your room. Wink emoji.

I smile, and my stomach immediately fills with butterflies at the thought of the many times I caught Peyton watching me from a safe distance.

Me:I missed you too, Peyton.

My fingers hover over the screen as I debate adding a kiss emoji or a heart before I hit send.

I end up going with a safer smile emoji when I remind myself for the umpteenth time that he isn’t my boyfriend.

Peyton responds almost immediately.

Peyton:Did you really miss me? I heard from Chan and J that they made sure you didn’t have time to feel too lonely. Wink emoji, chuckle emoji, eggplant emoji.

Heat rises to my cheeks. I mean, fuck, I should have imagined that the guys would share the details of our time together. They are supposed to teach me to be irresistible in bed, so it makes sense that they communicate about it.

Me:Yeah, they were... fun. But I still missed you.

Again, I chicken out on the emojis, even though I really want to send him kisses and hearts. Saying that I missed him is enough though.

Peyton:Hmm, I don’t know if I believe you. Chuckle emoji.

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