Page 106 of Her Devils

21.

Love And Hate

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Peyton

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THE ROOM BEGINS TOspin the second I open my eyes, and there’s a queasy feeling in my stomach as a wave of nausea washes over me.

Am I on a boat?

I mean, fuck, the only explanation for the way the room is spinning is that I’m on a boat in stormy as fuck seas.

But it can’t be.

I know I’m in Paris to take part in the Eiffel Tower Invitational.

I inhale a shuddering breath, struggling with eyelids that feel as heavy as if they were lined with lead.

I’m in a bathroom.

In an actual bathtub, in yesterday’s clothes.

Another wave of nausea rocks my insides the second I swallow.

Yuck.

My mouth is dry and slimy, and any time I swallow, there’s this horrible taste, like the bottom of a litter box.

Not that I know what the bottom of a litter box tastes like, but you get the idea. It’s safe to say that I wouldn’t kiss myself right now.

Talking about kissing, my mind goes to Lenley. I saw her entering the ballroom at the party last night. She was a vision in a short, sparkly dress and sky-high heels.

I remember thinking about asking her to dance, fuck what people would think or, more precisely, what my old man would think.

Gina told Lenley to be careful around me and the guys because of our reputation, but she isn’t against any romantic involvement between her and any of us. She understands that this stepsibling situation is bullshit. We didn’t know each other until a couple of months ago, so Dad’s expectations for me to consider her a little sister is stupid at best.

I’m sick of sneaking around, and I’m sick of this deal with her. I mean, I don’t regret that it happened, but I can’t keep treating Lenley like just a fuck buddy, not when I have feelings for her.

As in, I’m in love with her.

I’ve never felt this way before about any other woman. The only comparable love I have to this is my feelings for my mom, but obviously this is totally different.

It’s consuming, obsessive, and maddening.

I want to be with her all the time. I want to kiss her, touch her, and take care of her. I want to tell her that she’s safe with me. I’ll never hurt her, at least not willingly, and I’ll never betray her.

Our deal needs to come to an end, because I want and need more. I need all of her.

There are obstacles of course.

Dad and his ridiculous expectations.

J and Chan. They feel the same way about her. Channing has admitted it openly, and all I have to do is look at J to know that he’s as far gone as I am for our sweet Lenley.

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