“Pretend not to know what I’m talking about. I can’t take watching you lie right now.”
I feel my face go hot and numb. I know she would never tell him about her period in a million years. He must have heard us.
“I, no, I mean yes, you’re right, but she wouldn’t want you to know that, I—”
“Now you’ve dragged our child into, I don’t even know. Whatever this is.”
I look down and see the disposable phone on the countertop in front of him. I back away from him instinctively.
“Why?” he continues. “What reason could you have for owning this—and hiding it? I can’t come up with one reason in my mind when I see this. I sure as hell know it’s not the nonsense you tried to sell Rachel.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I was just—taken off guard when she...” But I trail off; there’s no hiding, I feel my face flush.
“So what’s it for?” he asks, doing little to mask his accusatory tone. When I decided that there was no scenario in which Collin would look inside a tampon box for anything, I never dreamed of this. But Rachel’s at that age, so I should have. I should have thought of it, but since it’s never come up before, it just wasn’t a scenario that ever crossed my mind.
“It’s...it’s not mine, actually. I know it looks really strange.”
“Yeah, it really does.” Collin takes a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet and pours the brown liquid into a glass, waiting for my lie, which comes quickly. It’s getting easier and easier to spin these tales with only a moment’s notice.
“Gillian and Robert, you know—they’re on the rocks. She thinks he’s cheating, so she hired a private investigator.”
Yes, I think. This is a story he can’t ask them about to double-check because it’s too sensitive. I rest my hip on the stool next to the counter to try to signal that I’m relaxed, not nervous.
“Okay?” he says, impatiently. “So?”
“So, she uses this to communicate with the guy—the investigator—to be careful, ya know. She worries about not getting anything in the divorce if he can accuse her of something, I don’t know, so when we met she asked me to keep it. She didn’t feel safe keeping it at the house.”
Collin turns and fills his glass with ice from the fridge door. The loud clanging makes me jump. He sits down, calmly. He takes his time, and I’m tormented by the long silence.
“So, why would you hide it, then? In a...”
“Oh, well, no, it’s just...she gave it to me like that. We were at her place and she shoved the tampon box at me with the phone inside. I guess that’s where she hid it, so I just thought I’d leave it there. Out of sight, out of mind.”
“Right.” He studies my eyes. I receive no indication from his if he believes me or not.
“And she asked me not to tell anyone, of course.”
“Of course.” He smiles, but it’s just his lips that curl up at the ends, his eyes don’t match the forced look, and I feel like I could vomit right here. I’m irritatingly aware of the time, and I can’t be late to meet Lacy. Who knows what rage Joe might have in store if he’s kept waiting by the likes of Lacy Dupre.
“I’m so sorry. I have to meet Lacy in ten minutes.”
At least he has empathy for what she’s going through and knows that I planned to go and bring Lacy dinner and help out while she heals. He can’t be mad at that. If it were anything else, I’d stay. I’d make him feel sure, secure. But I have to go.
“Go, then,” is all he says, and I kiss him even though he barely reciprocates.
“I won’t be long. Promise.” But he doesn’t say anything. I turn and go.
As I back out of the driveway, I see him, still at the counter, sitting with his elbows resting on either side of his whiskey. I can’t afford the time, but still I wait a couple moments, watching through the window to see if he’s okay, if he’s accepted what I’ve said, shaken it off, but he doesn’t move. He just stares down into his glass.
***
28
I’M LATE. I SCREECH into a parking spot at the gas station across from Joe’s apartment building. Lacy is sitting in her car. She crushes out the end of her cigarette and jumps into my passenger’s side.
“I’m sorry,” I start, but she gets down to business.
“You got the pills?”