Page 34 of Such a Good Wife

“Sure,” I say quickly, and I see her eyes widen.

“Really?”

“Yeah, go ahead and order. Don’t forget to get half sausage for Grandma Claire on one.” Rachel runs out the door before I change my mind. I hear her tell Ben that I said yes, and he makes a squeaky, delighted noise. Maybe I am too much of a stickler about health food. In Claire’s day, she ate like a queen and drank red wine every day. Rich foods, no regrets. She was a spitfire, a free spirit. We used to be so close, and I miss her.

We have an impromptu movie night with our pizza. I wheel Claire over so she can be seated at the end of the couch and see the TV. Ben brings her a plate with her favorite sausage slice on it. He’s in a happy mood tonight and that has made the mood in the house happy too. It makes life so much easier. Rachel is flopped, long-legged, on the love seat, scrolling on her phone while she eats. Ben sits on the floor against the coffee table, gobbling away and flipping channels, trying to find something we’ll all agree to watch, while Collin and I are on the couch, my feet tucked under his leg as I lean against the arm of the couch with a blanket over my legs, picking onions off my slice. I don’t deserve him.

When Ben stops at Toy Story 2, Rachel yells out a “no way, come on. Nightmare on Elm Street is on two channels, can we...” She stops when I give her a look. She knows that Ben is too young.

“Just sayin’. It’s Halloween almost. Something scary.”

“What about Ghostbusters?” Collin tries to offer a neutral selection.

“If it’s the one with women, then fine.” Rachel puts down her phone, readying herself for this very important argument. Collin is clueless.

“Huh?”

“Uh, hello. The new version with Melissa McCarthy?” Rachel, my budding feminist.

Collin shrugs. I pick up Ben’s Ninja Turtle costume that I’m working on, and click on the side-table light. I need to finish his belt, which has the letter D embossed in the front because he insists on being Donatello.

“Go to On Demand, Ben,” Rachel orders, excited for her female Ghostbusters screening. Ben flips around, trying to find the right buttons, and he lands on the local news. Suddenly, Luke’s face is in high-def on a seventy-inch television right in front of me.

I go pale. I don’t move, I don’t look at Collin. We get news out of New Orleans and there are ten stories like this a day. In a second, Rachel will yell at Ben to go to channel 1000 for On Demand and it will be gone. I can’t let them see my face. My heart thrums, my ears ring.

“Eeew. Change it,” Rachel says, looking up from her phone.

Ben throws her the remote and it falls between the wall and the side of the love seat, unreachable.

“Guys, come on.” Collin stands and helps Rachel fish it out while Ben dances around behind him, like a basketball player blocking a shot, ready to steal the remote back when it’s retrieved.

I can’t take my eyes away from Luke’s face. The news anchor cuts to a reporter on the scene. Janelle Johnson is standing in front of Luke’s house with a microphone, reading a teleprompter. I catch her comment midsentence.

“It’s here in the backyard of his rented home that police found him. The well-known romance writer keeps a residence here part-time to be near family, and police are baffled by the crime.” They cut to Luke’s brother, Julian, who holds a toddler on his hip. The camera crew lights shine on him in the otherwise dark street shot with police tape flapping in the background. He’s holding back tears, his voice breaking.

“We’re devastated. We just want to know what happened to my brother. He was the greatest guy on earth.”

I’ve never seen a photo of Julian before, but I know so much about him and now, here he is. He has Luke’s square jaw and hazel eyes.

“Mom! Tell Ben to give it!” Rachel yells when Ben runs away with the remote, still fighting for his Toy Story 2. I can’t move.

“Ben, come on.” Collin goes down the hall after him as Ben giggles. I know Collin is trying to be stern, but gentle enough to avoid a fit. Janelle Johnson reappears on the screen.

“At this point we know that there was an anonymous caller who reported that there was some sort of struggle or fight at the residence. We urge whomever it was to get in touch with police. They certainly have more questions for the caller.”

Collin lumbers back over with Ben on his back, blocking my view of the TV a moment. He’s using the threat of losing pizza privileges to ensure Ben’s mood stays positive. Collin grabs the remote and starts to turn the channel.

“No, wait,” I say, louder than intended. Collin stops as demanded and looks at me, then to the TV.

“What’s up?” he says, still out of breath as Ben is jumping on his lap and laughing. The news anchor continues, but there are parts I missed.

“Police are ruling this a homicide. Anyone with information, please call...” But before she rattles off the number, I cover for myself.

“Nothing, just careful, you’re knocking pizza on the floor, Ben.”

“Sorrrry,” he says, hopping playfully back over to his place at the coffee table and taking another slice of pizza as Rachel finally takes control of the remote and switches it over to order the movie.

Collin twists the cap off a beer and settles back onto the couch next to me.

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