Page 30 of Such a Good Wife

“Men are fucking assholes. They’re all the same.”

I hear her exhale smoke and take another pull off a cigarette.

“Oh no. What happened?” I hate myself. I’m such a liar.

“He called me Sunday and said he couldn’t see me anymore. Just like that.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s—that’s terrible. Did he...say why?”

“No! Not even an explanation. He’s just not looking for anything right now. What guy is? None. None is the answer. They can all suck it.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she whimpers, sniffling.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Tell me not to answer Joe. Fucker keeps calling me, a hundred times a day.”

“Lacy. Oh my God. You—” I stop myself, not wanting to upset her more by telling her, once again, to report him. “Do. Not. Answer. You said it was in the past and you were never gonna answer again.”

“Yeah, but I always say that. It’s not so easy when every other guy you meet just wants a couple a blow jobs then they’re gone.”

Luke isn’t that guy, but she’ll never know that.

“They’re all the same. I’m so done.”

“No, you’re not, come on,” I try to console her.

“Yes, I am.”

“Please, promise me you won’t see Joe. Think about it, remember what it’s like—what will happen after the apologies wear off.”

“I know,” she says in a singsong tone, like we’re talking about his bad habit of chewing tobacco or something rather than felony assault.

“Can you get a drink at Rodney’s this weekend?”

“Yeah, I mean I’ll check with Collin, but I’m sure I can sneak away for a bit.” As I say this I imagine myself using her by agreeing to plans, and then canceling to go and see Luke. I promise myself I won’t do that. I’ll be there for her. I go to the stove and poke at the stir-fry I’m heating up.

When Collin comes back out, of course he’s somehow persuaded Rachel to tell him where Katie is. He puts his arms around me from behind and steals a piece of broccoli off the top.

“It’s frozen!” I try to warn, but he’s popped it in his mouth before I can get the words out.

“No, it’s good,” he says, spitting it into his hand with a disgusted look, and I can’t help but laugh. “Turns out Katie’s in the food court at the mall, so I’m gonna go call Jerry.”

After dinner, we all watch Survivor, except for Rachel who’s sulking in her room. I must have fallen asleep, because when I wake up, Ben is in bed, and I hear Collin from the kitchen on a work call. He’s pulled a blanket over me. I sit in the blue light of the television a moment. I shake off the dream I was having about the wrath of God—a God who looks like he did in all of the picture books from Sunday school. A Gandalf the Grey beard, feathery white hair and a furrowed brow; his mouth open in midcondemnation, lightning extending from his fingers and striking down sinners who run in circles, like ants on the ground, begging for forgiveness, but too late.

I have to do it. I’m ruining everything good in my life. I have to go to Luke’s tomorrow and tell him to go to Italy, and that I can’t see him again. Ever. I have to.

I look at Collin hunched over his work at the counter, off his call now. I wish I could tell him how sorry I am.

“You’re up,” he says, seeing me staring at him.

“Sorry, I didn’t know I was that tired. You’re still working? It’s so late.”

I go and sit next to him, his computer screen glaring in the dark room. I see a multitude of spreadsheets and hope I didn’t open up conversation about his work right now because I’m so very tired and I don’t have the wherewithal to mask my sadness.

“I can be done.”

---