Page 14 of Secret Santa

Not mine.

Ours.

I don’t know why something thick lodged in my throat at that word, made it impossible to swallow, let alone speak, so I just nodded. It wasn’t an answer, and she deserved one after the way I acted, but I just…couldn’t.

The way she was looking at me was like she saw beyond the money, the fancy suits, the important title, saw the man beneath the hard exterior. She looked at me like she had that night, like I’d hung the moon specifically for her. It made me want to be that for her—a person, a man, worthy of a look like that.

But I didn’t know if I knew how.

“Sometimes,” she murmured as she dropped her eyes to the floor. “Sometimes, when I have issues with my mom, I remind myself that what she thinks of me is her problem, not mine. It makes it easier to live my life knowing no matter what I do, it’ll never make her happy. I might as well do whatever I want, you know?” I stared at her; my words lost again. “I don’t know what happened with your dad, but it was something bad, right?” She lifted her eyes, peering up at me from beneath her lashes, and I nodded. “It’s his loss, not the other way around.”

“I said some really terrible things to him,” I admitted quietly.

“You wouldn’t have said them for no reason,” she said, sounding so sure of herself. I let out a humorless laugh.

“How can you be so sure?” I took a step away from her, my chest tightening. “How do you know I didn’t want to hurt him?” She shook her head as I spoke.

“Because you’re better than that,” she said simply. “That night at the wedding, I didn’t know you—I still don’t, really—but I knew you were good. I think that’s what drew me to you. You felt…” she trailed off as she stared at me. “Safe. You wouldn’t have said anything to hurt him if he didn’t give you a reason.”

“Is there ever a reason to hurt someone?” I muttered as I moved past her. “Just because you don’t want to see me as the monster I am doesn’t make me a good man.” I sat at my desk and turned my attention to my computer. She continued staring at me, her gaze burning into the side of my head.

“Did you know Jon has paid women off so he won’t get sued for sexual harassment?” she suddenly asked, and my head snapped to her. Her face was guarded, and she held herself tightly, arms wrapped around her waist.

“I—" I swallowed hard, my stomach twisting painfully with guilt. “I’ve heard the rumors.” Her face fell, her shoulders going with it.

“Oh.” That’s all she said, just one word, and it was like a slap across the face.

She might as well have called me a fucking bastard. That one word took away all the warmth she’d had when she looked at me, and all that was left was coldness. Any chance I thought we could make things work was gone. All the surety she’d just had about me being safe, or good…gone. Just like that.

“I just thought—”

“I don’t condone it,” I interrupted.

“Don’t you?” she challenged, then shook her head. “Sorry.” She stepped back to the door, gripping the handle so tightly, her fingers turned white. “I have a lot of work to do.”

“Danica.” I stood, but she shut the door, leaving me alone.

* * *

It had been two days—two grueling, miserable, guilt-ridden days of awkward conversations, avoided eye contact, and conveniently missing each other in the elevator or parking lot.

She was avoiding me, and I fucking hated it.

I missed the way her eyes sparkled in the morning light, or the way she smiled when she brought me coffee. I missed her random fact of the day at the end of our morning meetings, and her soft, polite laugh when I said something kind of funny.

It had only been a week and a half of her working for me, but I felt like I’d known her my entire life. In fact, from the moment I met her at the wedding, it felt like reconnecting with an old friend. It was killing me that she was avoiding me. It wasn’t just her, though. If I was being totally honest, I was avoiding her, too. It was easier to not see the betrayal burning in her eyes every time she looked at me if I didn’t see them at all.

I pulled my coat tighter around my body before stepping outside. It was freezing and well past the time I should’ve gone home. I was drowning myself in work. Tonight, I was exhausted, though, so I waited until I thought the coast was clear and was going to make a run for it.

I didn’t know how to make things right with Danica. Truthfully, I didn’t fully understand what I did wrong. Yes, Jon was a sleaze, and maybe it was greedy and selfish to look past his reputation, but I needed his investment.

A part of me didn’t care about the money or about how it was going to affect my company. I could figure something else out. Hell, I’d tuck my tail and go back to my father if it meant smoothing things over with her. But…I didn’t know how or what to do to fix this.

A small lump on the ground caught my attention, pulling me from my depressing thoughts, and I slowed my pace. Squinting past the darkness, I tried to figure out what it was. Most likely, something fell out of someone’s car. As I got closer, though, the more my stomach dropped with dread.

My heart jumped into my throat when I saw her face.

“Danica?” Her name rolled off my tongue, blending into the frigid air around me. “Danica.” I moved closer, the ice crunching under my shoes.

---