Page 43 of Secret Santa

We hadn’t had our first snow of the year yet, but I was anxiously waiting for it. Winter was my favorite time of year. Not the holidays, just winter. Everything slowed down and breathed. It reminded me to do the same, not that I ever had the time.

Maybe this year would be different.

“There you are.” I jolted at his voice and turned blindly toward the door, finding Aiden leaning against the doorframe, his arms folded over his bare chest as he smiled softly at me. “What are you doing out here without a jacket?”

“It’s not that cold,” I said, tightening my arms around myself. He huffed out a laugh as he sat in the chair beside mine. Reaching out, he rested his hand on my knee and stroked his thumb back and forth, sending warmth through my body.

“You’re freezing, baby,” he murmured. “Come inside.” I shook my head as I stared up at the sky, swallowing the lump in my throat. I didn’t know why I felt like crying. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said. It wasn’t a total lie–I really didn’t know what was wrong. I didn’t understand all the warring emotions inside my chest.

“Danica,” he said, a soft reprimand. I sighed and curled in on myself before glancing at him. He looked so concerned, so serious, that I smiled. A tear slid down my cheek and I quickly wiped it, but he didn’t miss a thing. “Shit. What’s wrong? What is it?” He slid from his chair and crouched in front of me, placing both hands on my knees. He stared up at me, his breath fogging in the air between us.

“I was just thinking,” I whispered. My teeth began chattering, and his jaw tensed.

“Come inside,” he said again. “We can talk while you get warm.” I shook my head again. I needed to be cold. I needed the discomfort. He sighed and gently squeezed my knees, then placed a kiss on one. It made my throat constrict until I couldn’t breathe. “What were you thinking about?” I couldn’t tear my eyes from his, from the slight crease between his brows, the downturn of his lips.

He cared.

“About us,” I admitted, and his face tightened. “About you leaving one day.” His jaw tensed as he inhaled sharply. “I–I don’t want that to happen.” Fresh tears welled in my eyes.

“It won’t happen,” he said fiercely. “Why are you even thinking about that? I told you: I’m not going anywhere.”

“My mom–” He rolled his eyes and let out a sharp breath.

“What did she say?” he asked, his voice hard. “Did she get in your head about us?” A tear spilled from my eye, and he gently wiped it away with his thumb. “Talk to me.”

“She’s always told me that men leave. She’s always said that I’m–I’m too much work, that no one will want to put up with me and my dramatics.” I looked away from him, unable to see his face as I spilled my demons. “I never knew who my father was, but Bridget and I know we have different ones. Mom…she struggled a lot when we were growing up, so it was just Bridge and me. She raised me while Mom was too busy with her man of the week.” Aiden’s hands tightened on my knees again, but he stayed crouching, his eyes on me.

“She never kept a man longer than a few months. Sometimes they were nice to us, but usually, they didn’t want kids around, so Bridge and I hid in our room a lot.” He gently wiped another tear from my cheek, one I hadn’t realized had even fallen.

“When they broke up, she would drink for days. I don’t know why I always felt like it was my fault they left. She would cry and tell us that all men were trash, that they’d always leave in the end. They’d always leave you for someone better, prettier, smarter, richer.” I finally looked at him, my chest tight. “You can find someone like that. It’s not hard to do. I live in a motel, and you live here.” I looked up at the side of the house, and another tear dripped down my cheek. “My teeth are crooked, my hair is frizzy, and I dropped out of college. I–I have nothing to offer you, Aiden. When you realize that, when you realize that I’m nothing, you’re going to leave, and it’s going to ruin me.”

He stared at me for a long time, his jaw so tight the muscle pulsed. Then he pushed to his feet and began to pace in front of me. He shoved his hand through his hair, making it stand up.

“I’m not going anywhere, Danica.” His back was to me, his shoulders rising with each heavy breath. “She fucked you up. She should’ve never fucking told you that shit. She should’ve never made you believe that your man would choose someone else over you or that it was ever your fault men left her.” He turned toward me, his face tight. “There is no one better than you, and if I ever hear you say you’re nothing again, I’m going to fucking lose it. Do you understand me? You’re not nothing. You’re everything. You’re my everything.” I roughly wiped my cheeks as he spoke.

“You don’t need to offer me anything.” He spat the words out. “This isn’t a relationship based on transactions. I don’t want your money, I don’t want another fucking woman–I want you.”

“But what if–”

“No,” he snapped. “There are no what ifs. I’m in love with you, and there’s no one on this fucking planet who could ever compare to you.” He crouched in front of me again, wrapping my hands in his. “I know I’ll die before you,” he whispered, and I made a choked sound. “But that’s the only way I’m ever leaving you. I’ll never willingly leave. Only death can take me from you. Do you understand me?” I nodded, tears still spilling from my eyes. “No, tell me. I want to hear you say that you understand. I want you to say you know I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”

“I understand,” I croaked, my throat tight with emotion. “I know you’re not leaving.”

“Damn fucking right I’m not,” he growled. “You’re mine until the end, baby.” He pressed his lips against mine, and I melted into him, savoring his warmth. “Now, please come inside. You’re going to get sick.”

“That’s not true,” I said as he helped me stand. “You only get sick from germs, not the cold.” He huffed out a laugh as he wrapped his arms around me. His smile softened, and he pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead.

“Only you would say that,” he muttered against my skin. My face heated, but I felt him smile against me. “Humor me then. Come inside.” I pulled away to look up at him.

“You really want this?” I asked. “You want me?” He cupped my face in both hands, and I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch.

“I want you more than you could ever possibly understand,” he murmured. “If I need to reassure you every day for the rest of our lives, I’ll do it. Did you not hear what I said?” I opened my eyes to peer up at him. He smiled softly. “I told you I’m in love with you.” I chewed on my cheek to hide my smile.

He had said that, hadn’t he?

“You don’t have to say it,” he said softly. “Not yet.” He tucked my hair behind my ear before kissing me again. I nodded, my eyes still on his. “I just wanted you to know how I feel.” I rested my cheek against his chest, finding comfort in the steady beat of his heart.

---