Page 100 of Useless Love

“No,” she says, standing with a new spirit in her eyes. “You haven’t been trying to protect anyone. All you do is lie and manipulate.”

“Someone has to!”

“To me? Your sister? We’re supposed to be family and I’m supposed to trust you. But I can’t. When will you be done taking out your pain on all of us?”

We lock eyes for a moment and everything that has led us to the moment flash in my head like a movie. I see the loss of my brothers, every time our father has hit me, the dozens of men I fuck just to feel something again. And at the end of it all, I’m simply alone.

I just don’t want to be alone. I want to save my family; no, I want to keep them. But maybe all I’ve been doing while trying to fight my crusade is pushing my family farther away.

I can’t bear for any more of them to die. But what’s the use of that if they go on living but never speak to me again?

Hunching my shoulders in defeat, I tell my twin, “I’m sorry. I just can’t see any more of you die. I’m only trying to do the right thing. I don’t care if you believe me, but that’s all I want. I don’t want any more of us to die.”

Gaia is stiff as she studies me. I know I’ve deceived her so much that she has a right not to believe me. She finally steps forward to pull me into a hug. We stand here, holding each other and Gaia crying on the outside, while I fight every urge to join her.

“I forgive you,” she whispers, more of her religious bullshit. But I don’t tell her to shut up today. Continuing, she adds, “If Carmine really did do this to father, I won’t resent you for doing what must be done. Please, for my sake, just make certain before you rip my heart apart.”

I nod, holding her tight.

***

Later that day, Mother, Nico, Gaia, and Victoria leave to visit Father in the hospital. I was planning to go, but I’m feeling too…raw after the conversation this morning with Gaia. And I know I really will keep my promise to her—I won’t hurt Carmine until I’m certain. I owe her that much.

After spending some time alone in my room just trying to feel more like myself again—not so weak—I decide to check Father’s office for any clues. I’m not going to be impulsive this time; I’m going to look for clues and figure this out. I need to see if Father has any enemies I don’t know about.

As I’m walking down the hallway to his office, I hear a woman moan. The door to the office is cracked, so I peek in. I spy Uncle Agostini with his twenty-two-year-old girlfriend. How they met is a disgusting story because she used to date his son. Then, after his son died, this old bastard decided hooking up with her was the way to deal with his grief.

Uncle and the woman are fucking on Father’s desk. I feel so much rage, I’m tempted to grab my gun and put a bullet in his head, but I’m trying to be more calm and logical about things. Still, it’s so disrespectful for him to be sitting at my father's desk with his slut bouncing on his dick. What sort of power play thing is this?

Lately, Uncle has turned into a different person. He was once my biggest supporter and I looked up to him. But lately…he only makes me uneasy. Maybe he’s losing his mind in his old age. Whatever is going on, I’m not ruling him out as a suspect anymore than I am Carmine.

“Bounce for, Daddy, sweetie,” Uncle says, and I almost gag.

His girlfriend moans.

“Oh, yes. I want more, Daddy.”

I walk away. No you don’t girl, no you do not.

Carmine

My first morning back in New York, I leave the house early to gather my men in a secure location—a warehouse on the docks. Other organizations are targeting me as the one who shot Bencivenga. If we’re going to survive this, we need to strategize.

Of course, I can tell many of my men are blaming me for this sudden need to watch our backs again. Me taking control of the Gaudino family and marrying Arianna was supposed to bring about peace, so I understand why many of them are pissed that they now have to hide their families and deal with this shit.

Nobody dares say that, because I’d kill them, but I know they’re thinking it. And there’s still the matter of making sure I don’t have any rats sniffing around. One of my men, in particular, has me suspicious.

I cut the meeting short, asking Sammy to stay while Christopher guards the exit.

“What’s up boss?” Sammy asks, moving closer to the chair I’m sitting in. He’s looking sharp today, even wearing a suit similar to mine.

“How’s your wife?”

“She’s doing great. Thanks for helping with…that problem.”

“Sure. I did that as a gesture of goodwill, since you’re a newer man to my organization. Me doing that favor for you means you have to do favors for me.”

Still smiling, he says, “I know. I love working for you, boss.”

---