Page 110 of Useless Love

Snapping back to my senses, I shove my gun back in his face. “You raised me? You only raised me and my siblings to die on the front lines. I might have some shred of sympathy for you if it weren’t for that face, but you raised us with the clear purpose of killing us off.”

Showing no remorse, he has courage for the first time in his life and says, I should have put a bullet in all of your heads the day my old man died.”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

I put six bullets in his fucking head—one for each of my dead siblings. Then I sit on the floor, watching blood rushing from the bastard’s corpse. I can’t believe my whole fucking life I didn’t know this. My grandfather—my real father apparently—was a great man, or so I had thought, and he always treated me kindly. Yet, he did something so vile to my mother.

Even worse, my mother never told me. It feels like part of my life has been one major lie.

Grabbing my phone, I call Mother. I have to hear her say the truth because I’m not leaving here with this messed up shit in my head.

She answers immediately. “Are you okay, Carmine?”

“Was Sal Gaudino my birth father, yes or no?”

There’s a long pause, then I hear her sniffle. Those sniffles turn into sobs.

“Jesus Christ, answer the question!” I yell, my voice echoing around the dusty warehouse.

“I’m…I’m sorry. Sal always blamed me, but it wasn’t my fault. I married into a very powerful family, and the head, Frank Gaudino, was sick. On my wedding night, he came in, ordered Sal off the bed, and then…He took my virginity in a very ruthless way."

I let everything sink in as Mother takes a moment to cry. It’s funny how one’s perception of a person can change in an instant. I used to respect and look up to my grandfather, yet now I’d like to raise him from the dead just so I can kill him again myself. And the person I thought was my father I see in a new light. He’s still a fucking bastard and deserves to be dead…but I can understand the pain of watching someone defile your wife like that. If Gaia…

No, I can’t even think about that.

Mother blows her nose and then says, "When Frank finished, he told Sal to get what’s left of me. Sal was disgusted and couldn’t look at me. I was mortified, but as a woman in that old-school world I couldn’t tell anyone. I thought it was a one-time thing, but it became a regular habit. Often, Sal would come home and find his father doing things to me I wish I could forget. So naturally, Sal stopped coming home. Other times, I would lay next to Sal in bed, and Frank would come in and…I don’t want to say. He just humiliated me and Sal, even making Sal watch sometimes. I could see the pain and hatred in Sal’s eyes everytime I gave birth. But you were still my children, no matter if you came from that monster, Frank. I loved all of you. But Sal never could.”

I’m feeling sick to my stomach. What my mother went through…it’s too much.

“Please, don’t hate me, Carmine,” Mother says, her voice still thick with emotion. “I couldn’t stop him. Sal was his father’s only son. Realizing Sal wasn’t fit to rule the organization, this sick bastard decided to make more sons, using my body."

I run a hand through my hair, staring at the pool of blood now covering the concrete floor. “A lot of good that did. I’m the only one left. And our organization is weak.”

“But you can rebuild. I was so happy when it was clear you loved Bencivenga’s daughter. You're a better man than Sal and Frank could ever think of becoming, and you’ll rebuild this family the right way. You and your wonderful, caring wife.”

I’m out of words, so I just hang up. I understand Mother was suffering, but I can’t help but feel anger at her, too. She could have said something years ago as Sal was killing off my brothers with these futile wars.

With a small amount of pity, I look at the dead man on the floor. No way I’d allow any man to have my wife. He should have stood up and stabbed his old man in his sleep—poisoned him, did something. Standing aside and letting his wife get taken is why the old man knew Sal wasn’t fit to be a leader. In our world, a man dies before accepting dishonor.

So Mother’s right: I’m a different kind of man, a better one. And it’s up to me to ensure the Gaudinos all have a better future. I’ll make the next decades a time of prosperity and growth for my organization.

Gaia

I’ve been a nervous wreck while waiting in the car with Christopher. He’s somehow so calm, sitting up front and playing games on his phone. But every second for me has felt like an eternity. Finally, I spot Carmine exiting the warehouse and my heart jumps. I’m so glad he’s okay but he looks completely beaten, but not physically. It looks like whatever happened inside that warehouse took a major toll and he can barely hold himself up straight. His steps are uneven and his eyes downcast. And since he’s not wearing a suit today, he almost looks like a different man.

All I want is to comfort him, so as soon as he opens the door and slides in next to me, I throw myself on his body, wrapping my arms around him tight.

Surprisingly, Carmine lowers his head to my shoulder. Even more surprisingly, I think a few tears are slipping from his eyes because my shoulder soon feels wet. “It’s okay, baby,” I whisper, stroking his hair and just letting him take a moment. We sit like that for a while, me comforting my husband.

Unexpectedly, he lifts his head and brings his hands up to cradle my face. With his brown eyes locked on mine, he says, “I love you, Gaia.”

I gasp softly only because I’m not expecting those words at a moment like this. Without giving me time to react, he kisses me. It’s the most tender kiss he’s ever given, full of warm, love, and unspoken promises.

He pulls back slightly to say again, “I love you.”

“I love you too. So much.” I’m crying again like I often do, but these are happy tears. I gaze into his eyes and run my fingers through his hair just feeling so thankful to God that he gave me the gift of Carmine.

“It’s you and me,” he says. “Forever.” Then he brings my hand up to kiss my wedding ring.

---