Page 72 of Useless Love

He also looks confused. “Wait to have sex. To preserve your virginity.”

I'm still confused so I try to say something, but he lifts his hand telling me to wait.

" I thought you would be okay with us exploring and enjoying each other a little before the ceremony. To get used to each other’s bodies before our special wedding night. I want that night to be amazing and memorable for you, so I’ve been trying to warm you up. Now I see you would prefer to be completely untouched. I understand. And I'm sorry, princess."

What is he talking about? He and Arianna already…

“But…” I start to stammer.

“Princess, let me get this all out. During our time in LA, let's pull it back some. I'll be a fucking monk and not even steal a kiss. I can show restraint and pop that cherry in three months.”

“Pop my cherry?”

He smirks. “You haven't heard that expression?”

My mind is reeling with a lot of thoughts because I'm not understanding. Arianna had told me she and Carmine agreed not to talk about what they did, so is he trying to pretend like it never happened? Is he trying to pretend that he thinks I'm still a virgin?

I know I'm not supposed to bring it up, but this is too confusing. Raising my hand to stop him from talking more, I gather my courage and ask, “You mean, you think I’m a virgin?”

I watch as Carmine’s pupils dilate and a vein in his forehead slowly starts pulsing. He looks ready to have an outburst, but he tries to say calmly, “You told me you were before? Is that not the case now?”

My entire body seizes up and I start stammering, not sure what to say. He and Arianna had sex so he should think I'm not a virgin…that he took my virginity. Is this a game? What's the right answer?

As I'm debating, he grabs my arm so hard it hurts. I gasp and his nostrils flare. His body becomes rigid. “Are you telling me another man has fucked you while we're together?” He starts yelling, “Take what should be mine! You aren’t a fucking virgin anymore?”

At this change in his temper, I try to break free of his grip, but in a car, there is no place to go. I shrink into the corner as much as I can, already sobbing. “No! No other man has had me. I mean…us. What we did together makes me no longer pure.” He finally released me, so I cover my face and sob. He's a scary man when he's angry.

His voice is weaker when he asks, “What we've done…? But we haven't had sex. Not fully. I was talking about intercourse. Are you still a virgin in that way?”

I look at him through puffy eyes. “We haven't had sex?” But Ari said…

He's finally back to normal and touches my arm softly. “Princess, what do you think sex is?”

My face warms and I wipe my cheeks. I know what sex is, but he probably thinks I'm completely naive from this conversation, so I'll have to keep adding like I don't know. But the realization that Ari was playing me again makes me so angry I don't know what to do with myself.

I hide my rage, though, so Carmine isn't confused. “I…the things we've done make me not pure. No one has ever been…inside me. Just your fingers that one time…I'm sorry. I was confused about what you're asking me. You can take me to any doctor you’d like right away to confirm my virginity.”

He tries to hug me but I flinch. His expression is full of remorse. “Fuck. I'm sorry, princess. I'm so sorry I lost my temper. I promise it won't happen again.”

I nod and let him hug me. As I rest in his arms, the rage is churning inside me.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fucking liar!

Like a fool, I believe Arianna. Again! Why does she keep doing all of this? Why does she keep manipulating me? What is the truth, and what are the lies?

As I think about everything, my range is slowly replaced by fear. Father seemed to think she might hurt the Gaudinos after the wedding…so could she really be planning on killing Carmine? My sweet, wonderful Carmine? I couldn't bear it if anything happened to him.

It's time to get mother involved. She said that if I chose to marry Carmine she would figure out how to convince Father. I'm not sure if that's possible now that I'm promised to Satta, but I have to try. I've been trying to give my sister the benefit of the doubt, but she's too blinded by hate and revenge. I absolutely cannot let her marry Carmine and hurt him.

I lay in Carmine's arms for a while, listening to his heartbeat. Then his phone rings and he has to take a business call. I take that opportunity to text my mother: I want to marry Carmine. Father said Leo Satta is asking about me for Mariano, but I want Carmine. Please help.

Mother responds almost instantly: Mariano??? If your father has already agreed to it in truth there is nothing anyone can do. Maybe, I can remind your father about the rumors that Mariano first wife killed herself to escape him. I will talk to your Father.

Thank you, Mother. I love you.

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