Page 27 of Useless Love

I moan into his mouth. I can't help it because I've been fantasizing about this for too long. I’ve also never been kissed, never been touched. I now understand why Arianna enjoys being with men so much. It’s electrifying.

I give in completely.

The world outside this tiny bathroom fades into nothingness as I succumb to the feeling of being desired by Carmine, the intensity of his need washing over me like a tidal wave. Our breaths mingle, ragged and quick, as the kiss deepens. He shoves his tongue into my mouth, exploring and lapping it against mine. My hands roam his bare chest, my fingers tracing the hard lines of his pecs and abs, memorizing every ridge and contour. His body ripples beneath my touch, solid and warm, and he starts grinding me like he's trying to rub away any clothes still creating a barrier between us.

Carmine's hands are insistent as they slide up my body, and he runs a thumb just below my bra line.

That’s when my brain finally wins the battle against my heart. I turn my head suddenly, breaking our kiss. We exchange a heated glance, an unspoken understanding that this moment has changed everything.

Carmine has honor and he’s loyal. I can sense that he’s a man who takes trust very seriously. I mean, he murdered someone just for touching my ass. Imagine what he would do to someone lying and manipulating him.

If he knew the truth—that I’ve been deceiving him, that he’s not actually engaged to me—then...

I clear my throat and push gently on his chest. I’m biting back tears as I say, "This is a bit scandalous for a church, don't you think?"

His breath is still heavy as he steps back, giving me space. "Sure," he says gruffly. Then he studies my face, noticing the tears pooling in my eyes. “What’s wrong, princess?”

"Nothing,” I say softly. “I should...I'll let you clean up." I flee the bathroom without looking back.

In the hallway, I pause to try to get my heart to stop pounding, to let my body cool off. I let the tears fall. I hate tricking him like this because I think I’m starting to like him. He’s not mine, so I should really tell him the truth. Soon. Before this gets any more out of control.

***

Later that day when I tell Mother that Carmine requested I come over to meet his family, she isn’t happy about it. She argues with my father about it all evening, telling him it’s not safe—I shouldn’t be allowed on their turf. And Arianna should only be there after she’s married and officially a Gaudino. Mother, however, has no authority. While I sit in his office, Father calls Sal and they come to an agreement that I can attend breakfast only with an army of guards to escort me.

Tomorrow, I’ll be heading to Gaudino's townhouse on the Upper West Side.

After Father tells me the news and I leave the office, Arianna grabs my arm and pulls me into her bedroom. She’s trying to snoop for details I didn’t want to give her. I know how much she hates Carmine.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with that monster. How is he?” she inquires.

I shrug, trying not to let my feelings show. “It’s fine. I’m managing.” My mind flashes back to the way he kissed me and my cheeks flush.

Arianna notices, as perceptive as ever. “You’re blushing, sister.”

“It’s warm in here.”

Her voice is low and riddled with sarcasm. “So let me guess. Regardless of the no sex until marriage rule,. Jr. Gaudino won’t keep his hands to himself? Can your saintly body even handle that?”

I look away. The answer to her question is, undoubtedly, yes, but I probably shouldn’t tell her. She’ll probably just tease me for being weak.

“Answer me,” she grits out.

“No. He has been a gentleman,” I lie. There’s no need to dignify Ari with a truthful answer since she’s the one who deceived me and got me into this situation, so I walk from the room.

Once I’m in my own room with the door locked, I lay on my bed. I think back to the way Carmine kissed me earlier, the lust in his eyes. He seemed to really crave me. My body is hot again and I do something I’ve always been timid about—I undo my pants and slip my fingers between my legs.

I’ve lived such a sheltered life that I have no experience with men. While Arianna always sought those experiences out, I was always happy to wait until marriage. I figured I would end up in an arranged marriage first, saving my virginity. But with Carmine, I’m starting to think dangerous thoughts. It scares and excites me at the same time.

I buck my hips and squirm in my bed while playing between my legs, thinking of his rough hands all over my body. I alternate between teasing my clit and twirling each hardened nipple between my forefinger and thumb. My movements are a little sloppy, but somehow I figure out what to do. While thinking of Carmine fucking me, I have my first orgasm.

It’s wonderful and I want more. But I’m also scared of who I’m becoming.

CHAPTER 9 — FEED ME

Gaia

In the morning, I’m escorted to the car and get into the backseat. Two guards are with me, another one driving, and there are even more guards packed into a separate vehicle. My father is really taking this seriously but part of me trusts that Carmine will keep me safe. Arianna would never trust him this much, so am I just being naive?

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